Tammy Faye Starlite Giving it up for Jesus! Written by Wendy R. Williams Photographed by Krisztina Fazekas
Debbie Harry and Tammy Faye Starlite

I was raised a Methodist minister’s daughter, growing up in several small towns in Texas, so I know more than a little about country-singing women who love the Lord but give it up to whoever-is-still-standing-and-looking-good after midnight on Saturday nights. But let me tell you, there is this little Jewish-girl-turned-Christian-singer, a baby-doll blonde named Tammy Faye Starlite, who showed me how it’s done as she rocked the walls at Joe’s Pub on Thursday, December 16th.

I had been warned. Her cute publicist, Laurie Shepherd, sent me two Tammy Faye Starlite CD’s and one morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I put on the first CD. I had only listened to a few bars before I was snatching up the CD cover and hollering, “What the f*** is this?” Tammy has totally twisted the great country women singer’s rode-hard-put-up-wet tradition, recording heartfelt songs like, Did I shave my v****** for this?, God Has Lodged a Tenant in my Uterus and an utterly hysterical rendition of Don’t You Hear Jerusalem Moan? Boy, this gal sure knows how to work her potty mouth for Jesus!

But back to Joe’s Pub, it was Tammy Faye’s Loretta Lynn night and Tammy Faye (complete with a prosthetic pregnancy in honor of Loretta) and her amazing band, The Angels or Mercy, put on quite a show. She opened by telling us that she thought it was wonderful that George W. Bush had been reelected and that was only the beginning of her totally NOT Joe’s-Pub-at-the Public-Theater style of political correctness, complete with loads of anti-abortion, pro-incest and pro-Bush rants. Hey, this gal was playing the Lower Eastside of Manhattan (as blue a zone as you can get), but as Tammy herself says, “Even Hell has snow days.”

In honor of her “pregnancy,” Tammy started the night with a rendition of Loretta’s Lynn’s Ones on the Way and went on to sing more Loretta’s favorites like I Was Born a Coal Miner’s Daughter. Tammy was having a blast, jumping off the stage to dance on the tables and work up the crowd.

Half way through the show, Tammy told us that she didn’t know where her husband was and she sure hoped he wasn’t out running around on her again, but maybe he was - maybe he was out with Debbie Harry. But she would forgive Debbie, because she (Tammy) is a Christian and besides she loves Debbie Harry, who is just a beautiful woman. Then who should appear but Debbie Harry herself. Tammy was thrilled to see her friend, but she just had to ask Debbie if her no-good-running-around-husband still refused to do “that thing down there” when he was with Debbie. Debbie paused for one beat and answered, “No.” Then those two gals rocked the stage with their duet rendition of Loretta Lynn’s You Ain’t Woman Enough to Take my Man. The crowd went wild.

Then Debbie returned to her seat and off came the pregnancy, that is Tammy just reached up under her dress and took the durn thing off and threw it to some random man in the crowd, telling him that he could smell if he wanted to, but to be careful cuz it was real sweaty and smelled like p****. And on she went to end the show with a rousing rendition of the Loretta Lynn/Nancy Sinatra staple, These Boots Are Made For Walking.

It was a great night and many props to Tammy’s incredible band, The Angels of Mercy featuring: Mark Spencer - Lead Guitar; Rich Feridun - Rhythm Guitar; Jared Nickerson - Bass; Ken Coomer - Drums; with additional help from pianist Bob Packwood; and writer/singer/lead tambourine player Eric Drysdale.

Afterwards, Krisztina and I had a chance to meet Tammy Faye Starlite and Debbie Harry backstage. Both she and Debbie share the same voice teacher, Barbara Maier, and Barbara and loads of other friends were backstage hugging Tammy and Debbie and congratulating them a great show. Not wanting to shout over the crowd, I asked Tammy if I could send her some emailed question and she said yes, so here they are:

Wendy: My first question and the most important one is: Who does your hair?

Tammy Faye: Oh my - I thank you! My hair colorist is the wonderful Brad Johns of Avon Salon and Spa, assisted by the very lovely Lexie Montgomery. Bless your heart, baby!

Wendy: Second most important question: Where do you get you shoes?

Tammy Faye: Oh my - thank you again, sugar! Well, the ones you saw are lovely and talented Aerosoles. So sweetly light, bless their little shoe-hearts.

Wendy: And now on to the boring background questions: How many of those hunky guys in the band have you married? And has your band ever played Utah? Did you know that if you played Utah, you could be married to more than one at the same time, maybe even all of them?

Tammy Faye: In this incarnation of the band, I'm sleeping with but one - my rhythm guitarist, Keith Hartel, the handsome Cobain-attired blonde. In fact, I live with him. But we are both married to Barbara Mandrell in our minds, to paraphrase the lovely Mr. Sam Shepard, with whom I did not sleep, but what a lovely writer he is, and he has the same birthday as Gram Parsons, who has the same birthday as Ryan Adams, who has the same birthday as my Nashvillian drummer, Mr. Ken Coomer.

Wendy: I loved your good-hearted woman reaction to that “thing” between your husband and Debbie Harry. Do you invite any other girl friends over for dinner?

Tammy Faye: I invite them over to eat - although I don't know if that's the same thing.

Wendy: You said you were a Bush supporter. That is the President of the United States George W. Bush supporter and not that “bush.” I listened to your CD so I already know how you feel about that “bush,” and actually in that context (to be literarily correct), your band would be the “bush” supporters).

Tammy Faye: Oh yes! Everyone loves “bush,” and hopefully everyone loves Bush - he is the Savior incarnate. Did you know that English folks spell Savior with a U?

Wendy: Anyway, moving on, I just read the saddest thing. It seems that Jenna Bush is going to teach school in Washington DC next year instead of following her true calling - becoming a country singer just like you. I mean, that girl already has the basics down - some hard living and that country-fried hair-do of hers (she could use a little more time with the bleach bottle). So, what advice do you have for poor little Jenna? Should she follow her heart’s calling and move to Nashville, or continue to “Stand by Her Man” (her Daddy that is) for four more years? After all, who is her Daddy?

Tammy Faye: I am sad for her. She is a torn soul in a Faustian deal with the District of Columbia school system. But she is a Bush, and that should make any woman proud.

Wendy: And last - what advice do you have for us New Yorkers. What New Year’s resolutions do you think we should make?

Tammy Faye: Just kneel down and s****** His c*****. It's only 40 calories, it's fat-free, Atkins-approved, and it'll guarantee you a backstage pass to the Kingdom Of Heaven.

Wendy: So ladies and gentlemen, on that lofty note, let’s put our hands together and give it up for Miss Tammy Faye Starlite and her Angels of Mercy. You can get Tammified by buying her not-to-be-missed CD’s. On My Knees is for sale at www.laugh.com and Used Country Female can be purchased at www.dieselonly.com. For more information on Tammy Faye Starlite herself, log onto www.tammyfayestarlite.com

P. S. Tammy sure rocks but after seeing her show and talking to her afterwards, I must conclude that when she converted to Christianity, she must have become a Baptist, not a Methodist like I was raised. Baptist are big on forgiveness (sort of like the Catholics - but please don’t mention that to the Baptists), but if you are a Methodist, you’re just not supposed to do that shit in the first place. And I’m pretty sure I got this one right.

Rock on!
Wendy