Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo: Stephen Mosher

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Dear Miss Wendy,

I recently took a shopping trip to New York where I had a moderately disturbing incident in the Bergdorf’s shoe department. I was trying on some gorgeous French purple cowboy boots when this gentleman left his wife/girlfriend’s side and came to sit next to me. He then started talking to me about how great the boots look on me and how I should definitely buy them. He actually seemed excited. Is Bergdorf’s reduced to hiring “strange” men to encourage women to buy their shoes or was that man just cruelly deserting his girlfriend/wife in the attempt to pick up another woman?

Sincerely,

Long Tall Stranger

Dear Stranger,

This is New York. That strange man was attempting to pick you up for both himself and his girlfriend/wife. And those boots would have been just the beginning of their fetish. And I am sure that if Bergdorf’s had known about this situation, they would set their cologne spritzers on them and run those nasty “footies” out the door.

Dear Miss Wendy,

I just saw the movie Transamerica and was in awe of the way Felicity Huffman portrayed a man who is just about to have a….. well to have a “snip-snip” to complete his/her transformation into a woman. But whatever happens to the remains of this type of operation. Are they just tossed into a medical waste basket? Is there any type of recycling or transplanting or a black market involved?

Sincerely,

Curious Georgia

Dear George,

Why in the world would you think Miss Wendy would have this type of knowledge? Thanks goodness you wrote a letter or I might have to bitch slap you. The very idea of filling my head with the image of a basket full of discarded male members, all piled on top of each other like eels at a fish market. Or the image of someone standing on a street corner horse horse-whispering, “Hey mister would you like to buy a bigger shlong? I’ve got all sizes!” Well, you sir should simply not write again.

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Email her at newyorkcoolstuff@aol.com