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What's Up For Today?

Ask Miss Wendy

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo: Stephen Mosher

Click here for Miss Wendy's Latest Column

Dear Miss Wendy,

I have become an avid fan of the HBO’s polygamy show, Big Love, and have been utterly amazed by Bill Paxton’s Olympic-like endeavors to keep his three wives sexually satisfied. The poor man looks utterly exhausted and in one episode he did end up in the emergency room.

But then I saw an episode of NBC’s Dateline where they showcased a group of thirty wives (one husband) who all stated that they would be very pleased if their husband married yet another wife and no, they would not mind at all if she were better looking than they were. What do you think is going on? Has something seeped into the water in Utah?


Just Wondering

Dear Wondie,

When confronted with situations like this Miss Wendy always feels it is best to take a step back and look at what is really going on. You have a houseful of thirty women who says they would happily welcome even more good looking women into the home. And in return for the privilege of living in this “harem,” each of them only has to “perform wifely duties” once a month with the guy who pays the mortgage. Hmm?

This reminds me of a little story my sister, romance novelist Eugenia Riley, told me. Now when we were raunchy little school girls, Eugenia was a straight A student and even today when she writes a historical novel, she does extensive research to check her facts, like whether or not the heroine of that century would have indoor plumbing and need a buttoner to button shoes etc. etc.

But back to the little story: Dear Eugenia was writing a book about pirates, actually she was ghost writing it for the “I can’t believe it’s not butter” guy, Fabio (this just gets campier by the minute, doesn’t it), when she discovered a little wrinkle to her plot. It seems that many pirates were gay and would have absolutely no interest in ripping the bodice of her heroine, a damsel in distress. And as dear Eugenia stated at the time, “Just think about it. They go off to sea for months with nothing but other men. They wear frilly shirts, have pierced ears and like parrots. Well, all I can say is this certainly gives a new meaning to that old phrase, ‘I’ve got you over the barrel.””

For a more contemporary illustration, just think about what happened on Brokeback Mountain.


Dear Miss Wendy,

I am a naturalist who eats nothing but the best organically grown produce and am looking to incorporate my love of naturalism into other aspects of my life. So here is my question:

Which plant is the best natural aphrodisiac?

Botanically Inclined

Dear Botty,

It’s a tie between hay and clover.

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