Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture
L-R: Michael Mazocco,
Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
here for Miss Wendy's Latest Column
Dear Miss Wendy,
My boyfriend and I plan to visit his family in south Texas in June and I'd hate to repeat the problem we had last year. His mother lays out complete outfits for me consisting of short shorts, flip flops, and halter tops, all purchased at the local Wal Mart. She says I'll suffer a heat stroke if I don't honor the local customs by wearing such things. And why is it that she is the one the most interested in having me show all of that skin and by the way, I could stand to lose ten to fifty.
A Brooklyn Floosie
Finally I have
been asked a sensible question about sex and fashion.
You don’t have problem dear. Just rub baby
oil all over your skin, fill a Styrofoam cooler
with Bud and enjoy being part of the newly hip
White Trash Culture (think Britney Spears and
Ked Fed). And as for his mother being so interested
in your booty, hey, that’s just part of
the cracker scene – there’s a son,
some Mammas, his girlfriend, a couple of kids
nobody’s real sure where they came from,
and a few hound dogs. Like I said, think Britney
and Ked Fed and pass the KFC.
And you can get
even. When she comes to New York, you can get
her a bunch of black clothes from Goodwill and
rub some henna tattoos on her upper arms and just
above her butt crack so she can look like she
rides the L.
My wife has recently gotten into cooking to spice up our sex life. A little over a month ago, while I was blindfolded, she poured hot chicken gumbo (she said we were out of chocolate) over me and I had to go to the emergency room. It wasn’t too difficult to explain what happened (we made something up), but now whenever she cooks (for whatever purpose!) I get horrible feelings of panic and terror.
"No thanks, I'm full."
your home to take out (no one really need to learn
how to cook anymore) and tell your wife that you
are only turned on by food-and-sex fantasies that
involve Cool Whip and/or ice cream.
Do you have
a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org