Comedy Matters Written and Photographed by Jeffrey Gurian Opposite Photo: Donald Trump Jr., Jeffrey Gurian and Vanessa Trump

Don't Blame Me If I'm Rich!!!  It's Not My Fault!!!

Donald Trump Jr. uses his celebrity to do good things.   First of all, it's not easy being Donald Trump Jr.   By his own admission, he "won the lottery" when he was born into such a successful family.  But just try and envision the pressure that comes along with that. 

Donald Trump Jr., Jeffrey Gurian
and Vanessa Trump

Think about what it might be like being Mohammed Ali Jr., or Richard Pryor Jr. (who I also happen to know pretty well!), or Abraham Lincoln Jr. ( I needed someone white to balance it out!). How do you ever measure up? 

Newspapers would rather write innuendos and snide comments, because as Don Jr. admits, "making me look like a spoiled rich kid sells more papers than talking about my work for charity."

No one should have to feel guilty because they are rich or were born into a successful family.   It's like a beautiful girl feeling wrongly self conscious because she makes others around her uncomfortable with her beauty.  (It's all jealousy!!!) For some unknown reason (and I'm not really sure why), I feel very strongly about this. 

Many  people blessed with money do a lot for people who were not so blessed, and they often do it on the Q,T. ( another ancient expression!)

Donald and his beautiful wife Vanessa (who is pregnant with a lucky child who will also "win the lottery") are ambassadors for Operation Smile, a fabulous charity that donates plastic surgery to poor children all over the world who suffer  with facial disfigurements.

Don and Vanessa held a joint birthday party at the famed toy store FAO Schwartz, where a good portion of every purchase was donated to Operation Smile.  Everyone made sure to buy lots of toys.   It was amazing to be able to take as much candy and ice cream as you wanted.  I'm such a baby, that by the time I left I was OD'ing on sugar. 

Denise Rich, Joe Giardina(far right) and Friends

I ran into my dear friend Denise Rich, who also knows a thing or two about charity.  She raises tons of money for her G&P Foundation, an organization dedicated to fighting cancer that honors the daughter she lost, Gabriella.

Daniella, the soon-to-be-born Kayla, and Denise Rich

Denise was there with her boyfriend Peter, Joe Giardina (her partner in 785 Records), his wife Janice (who just happens to be the sister of my old friend, radio personality Goumba Johnny), her son-in-law Richard Kilstock and her daughter and my dear friend Daniella Rich (who gave birth exactly one week later to a little girl named Kayla).   I hope they are all ecstatically happy, as I'm sure they are.

Geraldo Throws a Book, Party!

Liz Claman and Jeffrey Gurian at Home

Emmy Award-winning CNBC business news anchor Liz Claman wrote a book called “The Best Investment Advice I Ever Received,” a compilation of advice from over sixty investment notables such as Warren Buffett, Jim Cramer, and Suze Orman, to name just three.  

Geraldo Rivera and Jeffrey Gurian

Geraldo Rivera and his wife Erica hosted a book party for Liz at "hot" club Home on West 27th Street, where I got the opportunity to reminisce with Geraldo over an evening we both spent together with the legendary Salvador Dali at the St. Regis Hotel, more than twenty-five years ago.

It had to be that long, because I was still driving my 1975 Mandarin Orange pimpmobile, with the Rolls Royce grille, white Cabriolet top, huge white wall tires and CB radio in the shape of a telephone (way before car phones!) that had been made for one of the Eisley Brothers.  He chose not to take it, but I did.  I was the one who pimped it out.

It was a hot August night, yet Dali was wearing a full length mink coat and carrying a jeweled walking stick.  Some years later that event inspired me to try and carry a jeweled walking stick as an accoutrement. But fortunately I came to my senses and changed my mind.

I had introduced myself to Dali  as a surrealistic dentist who put the back teeth in the front and the front teeth in the back.   I also introduced him to the concept of thumb-hats, and eyespoons. But for the rest of the story, you'll have to read my book, which is still being written, titled “So If I Know All These People, How Come I'm Not Famous???"

Great story of synchronicity told to me by Geraldo's mother-in-law, Nancy Levy:
A few months back, Nancy's husband ( Erica's Dad) was diagnosed with inoperable prostate cancer. So, to make a long story short for the purposes of this column: Geraldo attends an event and just happens to be seated right next to a  specialist in Urology at Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. 

Geraldo fills him in and this specialist hooks the family up with a top urological surgeon who operates and saves Erica's father's life.  So in a nutshell, Geraldo had to meet, fall in love and marry Erica three and a half years ago in order to someday save her father's life.   I love it!  What an outcome!  I'm using that story in yet another book I'm working on where it will appear in much more detail.

Searching For Jeffrey G.

Willie DeMeo, Jeffrey Gurian and Paul Borghese

I caught up with actor/producer Paul Borghese and actor/producer Willie (Jason Molinaro) DeMeo from The Sopranos and from my movie, I Am Woody, at a screening of their indie film Searching For Bobby D.  These guys put together a great cast including Mario Cantone, Sandra Bernhard, Tony Darrow, Frank Pellegrino, and Carmen Electra.  The film is great, and I wish them much luck with it. 

Xmas With The Comics

Michelle Balan and Caroline Hirsch

One of the premiere comedy Holiday events every year is the Holiday party at Carolines Comedy Club.  Luckily, I get invited every year as I've been told I'm part of  "the Carolines family." (My apologies to Caroline!!! I swear I won't tell
anyone!)

Caroline Hirsch is the ultimate host: great food, great desserts and great people.  Everyone wants to attend, but it's a very strict list. So this year some of the younger on-their-way-up comics were told they could attend, but only if they worked the party as servers.

I caught rising star/genius Demetri Martin serving desserts and the usually-funny-but- now-serious Leo Allen humbly offering drinks, just so they could attend the Carolines’ bash.

Demetri Martin and Leo Allen

A moment later, I overheard Demetri and Leo discussing the merits of owning a beard, (which they both decided to do) and the importance of facial hair and an unkempt appearance in developing a successful comedy career.  Maybe I should look around for my old moustache. I think I still have it in one of my drawers.

Roz and Patrice O'Neal at Carolines' Xmas Party

Also ran into Roz from Last Comic Standing and the incredibly funny Patrice Oneal, who would be great on a show together. They are definitely two of the biggest talents, in every sense of the word.

I also jumped over to the packed Xmas parties at Al Martin's Broadway Comedy Club, and at the new downtown venue Comix where I ran into an assortment of hot young comics like Christian Finnegan, Victor Varnado, and Liam McEneany.

Just between you and me, is there anyone in the world whose first name is "Jewish?"  Would that even be allowed?  Jewish Gurian?  How does that sound?

Christian Finegan and Jeffrey Gurian at Comix

Anyway,  until next time remember, COMEDY MATTERS!!!

A nationally known comedy writer and an authority on roast humor, Jeffrey L. Gurian has written material for many of the great performers at the fabled Friars Roasts including Richard Belzer, Robin Williams, Milton Berle, Jerry Lewis and even Bruce Willis, as well as material for comedy stars such as Joan Rivers, Gilbert Gottfried, Phil Hartman, Pauly Shore, "Dice" Clay, and Pat Cooper. He wrote and directed The Men Who Series of short films for the Toyota Comedy Festival currently showing on cell phones and You Tube. . He also wrote for MTV and USA Network and was one of the writers of Sony's first interactive film. As a playwright he wrote a one- hour NBC drama about the devastating effects of homelessness on the young, entitled De La Salle. He was given the honor of having his own column in the legendary Weekly World News called "Gurian's
World of the Bizarre." His first feature film Face to Face, that he wrote with Scott Baio, made its world premiere at the Taos, New Mexico Film Festival, and was honored as the opening night film. It has since become an award-winning film and won for Best Comedy Feature at the Marco Island Film Festival in Florida and the Valley Film Festival in Hollywood. His newest film, I Am Woody , about a mob boss obsessed with Woody Allen, won for Best Short Film at the NY Independent Film Festival. Jeffrey can be seen around town performing his comedy news broadcast Uncle Nat's Traveling Peep Show with his comedy partner model/performer Sonya Gignac. Jeffrey was recently chosen to be the East Coast producer of National Lampoon radio. His first book, based on his writing for the Friars Roasts is from Kensington Books, "Filthy, Funny, and Totally Offensive - Jokes So Dirty Comedians and Entertainers Only Tell Them To Each Other." In addition Jeffrey is a Clinical Professor at NYU in the Oral Medicine/Oro-Facial Pain Department, a cosmetic dentist, lecturer, author and healer. He also is credited for developing a cure for stuttering. You may read more at http: www.jeffreygurian.com.