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Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

Click here for Miss Wendy's Latest Column

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a quick comment on popular culture. Those Raymour and Flanigan commercials (it's a furniture company) where the husband sits on a handsome couch talking in a mellow loving voice about how much he loves and appreciates his wife (seen in the background looking beautiful and smart) for doing such a wonderful and tasteful job of decorating their home, does not have me fooled. It's porn for women, plain and simple. So there.

Dear Miss Wendy,

So it is official, the economy is in a recession. Any words of wisdom about how to survive this downturn with a modicum of style?

Sincerely,

Down but Not Out

Dear Down,

As you slalom down the financial tubes, use your imagination, not your wallet. There are so many ways to expand your universe without increasing your credit card debt.

1. Go to the library for book and DVD's instead of Barnes & Noble and Blockbuster.
2. Dress and decorate vintage, using Goodwill and thrift show finds mixed with your basics.
3. Get (practically) free tickets to everything - try Theatermania.com's Gold Club and Audience Extras.
4. Do volunteer work - you will meet wonderful people.
5. Free music and events are everywhere - try New York Cool's listing sections.
6. Take long walks.
7. Lighten your load: Visualize your life as a glorious yacht (luxurious but small) and think seriously about just what you truly need to carry along as you make your journey. And if you don't need it, quit picking it up.

Bai Ling
Official Opening Night of "The Pussycat Dolls Lounge"
The Viper Room / West Hollywood
November 23, 2008
Photo Credit: Chris Hatcher / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a "You Got It Going Girl" award to Miss Bai Ling for the get-up she wore to the opening of the Pussycat Dolls Lounge in West Hollywood. Now this is an event where one could easily be upstaged - the Dolls themselves, Paris Hilton trying to out-doll the Dolls - but Miss Ling managed to put together a "look at me" outfit without resorting to neon. Now granted, not every one could wear this look (Miss Wendy herself would look a tad bit off), so Miss Ling is in no danger of starting a trend. But for that occasion and that night, she "Had It Going."

82nd Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
November 27, 2008
Photo Credit: Janet Mayer / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: If you were out of town and did not see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, here is a turkey shot to cheer you up.

Jade Jagger, Alex Dellal and Pixie Geldof
Photo Credit: Solarpix / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: This photo just floated over the pond. It was taken at the 2008 British Fashion Awards at Royal Horticultural Hall in London on November 25, 2008. You just have to love the Brits, they live in a land where the sixties are still alive and "Rock and roll is here to stay."

Dear Readers,

Today is Thanksgiving! If you are running about trying to figure out what to contribute to the feast, here are two of Miss Wendy's favorite Thanksgiving recipes.

Miss Wendy's White Trash Fruit Salad

1 large can of fruit cocktail (drained)
1 large bag of colored miniature marshmellows
1 large container of Cool Whip

Mix ingredients in a bowl and enjoy

Miss Wendy's Queso

One package of Velvetta cheese, sliced
One jar of salsa
16 ounces of half and half

Put all ingredients into the crock pot, heat and serve with chips.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hugh Jackman
Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Two-time winner of People Magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year Contest, George Clooney, has reached out to Hugh Jackman, the new Sexiest Man of the Year. According to MSNBC.com, "“George Clooney rang me at two in the morning,” Jackman told People Magazine Monday at the “Australia” premiere in New York. “I was half asleep and I said to him, ‘Ah, George sweetie, good to hear from you.’ He goes, ‘Shut up, Jackman!’’’ the Aussie actor recounted with a laugh. ”[He said,] ‘I know what you did! You started this big campaign that’s been going on and [you] took the title away from me,’” Jackman continued.

Aw! Don't you just love those sexy boys?

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is an utterly bizarre story on MSNC.com about a man who is suing McDonald's for three million dollars. The suit alleges that the supposed victim left his cell phone at McD's and then called the restaurant and asked them to secure it which they assured him that would. But, according to the suit, secure it they did not, because nude photographs of his wife and all kinds of personal information such as their address ended up on the internet.

It is hard to know where to begin on this sad ditty of a tale. First of all, what kind of doofus has nude photographs of his WIFE (as opposed to Pamela Anderson) on his cell phone? Is he afraid he will forget what she looks like during the day? And why would you ever think that the people behind the counter at McDonalds were the capable of securing anything? AHA, I get it, they are not! But the parent company of McDonalds has deep pockets and perhaps they can cover your embarrassment and the cost of your impending divorce.

Or AHA AHA! Could it be that this never happened? Oh the part about the phone being left and the phone call asking McDonalds to hold the phone and the resulting law suit all seem probable. But even in this day and age where everyone has a cell phone, do you think the person in charge of saying "Do you want fries with that?" in the Fayetteville, Arkansas McDonalds is capable of quickly uploading photos from a strange cell phone? Or could this whole thing be a hoax???? Are nude-photo-loaded-cell-phones-left-at-McDonalds the new finger-tip-in-my-chili-at-Wendys?

(Note: The following letter is a reprint from November of 2007. But very little has changed for the flying public, so it is unfortunately still relevant.)

Dear Miss Wendy,

It's Thanksgiving week. Does Miss Wendy have any advice to the air traveling public?

Sincerely,

Down Home Turkey

Dear Turkey,

The airport police will be on high alert. Not for terrorists, silly, but for any hint of bad behavior from the flying public who are being thoroughly mistreated by our overbooked airlines and the under trained, underpaid airport security guards. Airports have grown to resemble subway tunnels with filthy restrooms and travelers forced to sleep on the floor; the situation is become so bad that many Jet Blue travelers plan ahead and pack mats so they don't have to lie on the dirty floor! So no matter how upset you become, please stay calm so you don't become the next Larry Craig (arrested for twitching in the men's room), Jonathan Rhys Meyers (arrested for public drunkenness after years of sobriety) or worse yet as agitated and depressed as Carol Gotbaum, the lady who died while in police custody. Save your whining for someplace safe - the visit with your family.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: You just have to love Sarah Palin; she is the news cycle gift that just keeps on giving. In a scene that could easily have been directed by David Lynch (Twin Peaks, Wild at Heart), Governor Palin went to a turkey farm (instead of a more traditional choice of having the turkey delivered to the governor's mansion where it could be pardoned on the lawn) to perform the traditional ceremonial rite of "Pardoning a Turkey for Thanksgiving." Governor Palin waded into the turkey coop to pick her turkey from among the squawking turkeys. She then read a (only slightly bizarre) ceremonial pardon. So far, so good. Palin then walked outside where she proceeded to hold a televised news conference while the remaining (non-pardoned) turkeys were slaughtered in the background (see MSNBC.com for the video). Governor Palin really needs to assign someone on her team to be in charge of "thinking" and "calling fowl."

John Galliano
5th Anniversary of the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund
Skylight Studios / New York City
November 17, 2008
Janet Mayer / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: I saw this photo of crazy/good Brit fashion designer John Galliano (Dior) and it made my smile, so I thought I would pass it on to cheer you up too. And I would like to extend an invitation to Mr. Galliano to return to NYC and march in the Easter Parade. He already has the perfect outfit.

Easter Parade

In your easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it,
You’ll be the grandest lady in the easter parade.
Irving Berlin

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden
Repo! The Genetic Opera Las Vegas Premiere
Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino
November 6, 2008
PRN / PR Photos

Hot off the Press: One of the great romances of the twenty-first century has officially kaphumped. Paris Hilton and Benji Madden (Good Charlotte) have called it quits after nine months of of tabloid-assisted dating (see People Magazine). Just look at this photo of the love birds in happier times; doesn't it just break your heart? But there is an up side; Paris Hilton is now free to spend more time with the love her life: Paris Hilton.

Hugh Jackman
Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos

Hot off the Press: People Magazine has just named Hugh Jackman their new "Sexiest Man Alive." Here are New York Cool, we can only add: Ditto!

Dear Miss Wendy,

I am a hetero sexual man with a very strong fetish for women in boots
(particularly fat women ) can you recommend any clubs for this particular fetish?

Sincerely,
Booticular Man

Dear Boots,

No. Wrong city, wrong woman. You, sir, have obviously mistaken Miss Wendy's utterly refined column for the Houston, Texas edition of Craig's List.

Update: There is an extremely important story on MSNBC.com. It seems that the Obama girls will not be getting their puppy until they are settled in the White House. This means that we still don't know if they have taken Miss Wendy's suggestion that the new puppy be a miniature poodle. Miss Wendy is on pins and needles. How can the nation be expected to wait patiently until sometime in February 2009 to find out just who will be First Dog? After the stress of the election, it is simply too much to ask.

Santa Students attend Santa School: The Film
Odeon Cinema/Leicester Square/London
November 13, 2008
Photo Credit Solarpix/PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a fun photo that just flew in from across the pond. The popcorn-eating Santas-to-be were attending the film as part of their training to be Christmas Santas. And yes Christmas will come this year and we will have some joy, economy or not. Ho! Ho! HO! Etc. Etc.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is a funny/cheerful article in Newsweek titled, "Change You Can Conceive In - Could euphoric Obama fans be sparking a baby boom?" The premise is that Obama victorious fans might have celebrated in more ways than by simply dancing in the streets. See this fun quote: "Hope and euphoria, says University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz, are a serious aphrodisiac. And voters under 30 went for Obama by a margin of 2 to 1. When you combine those two elements—randy people of child-bearing age—the likely result is what the online Urban Dictionary has already dubbed "Obama Babies": children "conceived after Obama was proclaimed President, by way of celebratory sex."

Well, being a Obama baby is certainly a lot more prestigious than being one of New York City's myriad black-out babies (born nine months after an electrical black-out). When a black-out baby hits his teens and is ragging on his/her parents anyway, that baby can always whine, "The only reason you two had me was because you were BORED."

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Have you seen the latest Bravo reality series, The Real Housewives of Atlanta? This show is by far the biggest train wreck of the Real Housewives series, even topping New York. The Atlanta women are simply horrid, but I simply cannot look away. If I were an actual Atlanta housewife, I would be looking for someone at Bravo to bitch slap....Well, maybe not. They might decide to cast me too.

Zang Toi Design
Photo Credit Mary Blanco

From Miss Wendy to her reader: I saw this dress last February at Zang Toi's fashion show. As I was walking out of the show, one of Zang's friends told me that he thought this dress would be perfect on Michelle Obama at the inauguration. Agreed.

So if you know Michelle, tell her that Zang has her covered.

Dear Miss Wendy,

How can we enjoy New York now that the money spigot has been turned off?

Sincerely,

Miffy from the Upper East Side

Dear Miffy,

There are lots of ways to enjoy New York that don't cost a lot of money - free theater, museums, resale shops, H & M, etc. etc. The biggest draw back to living inexpensively in New York is social status. You can cut back on all kinds of expenses if no one is watching. But if getting by includes an apartment on the Upper East Side, private schools for your children, a garaged car plus car services and a summer home in the Hamptons, you are pretty much f**ked, especially if you have children who have been trained to think that all these things are necessities.

But if you are sudenly broke, but a member of a social set within which you are embarrassed to cut back on expenses, try becoming eccentric. Eccentric people can make all kinds of weird choices (which just happened to not cost a lot of money) and no one is particularly critical because the chattering classes have already dismissed the eccentrics as being eccentric.

New York eccentrics:

Write books
Practice yoga
Eat vegetarian
Sing in Jazz clubs
Design clothing
Become Buddhists
Watch birds
Become involved in charities that require dirty hands (painting houses etc.)
Have kids who can get into Hunter
March to a different drummer

If you do any of the above things, the"smart set" will quickly quit asking you if your son got into Collegiate and if you are going to helicopter to the Hamptons this summer. Miss Wendy is a certified eccentric and no one ever asks her any of those questions.

Tompkins Square Street Art
Photo Credit Evan Sung

From Miss Wendy to her readers: It is easy to be a little down right now. Even though we just elected an extremely smart and charismatic new President, Barack Obama, our nation is in an unmitigated mess with falling home and stock prices and rising unemployment and the never ending war in Iraq. But we are a resilient nation and a resilient people and will do what we have always done when faced with a mess, get behind the plow and start plowing. And if you are filled with fear, just remember the old quote (Pogo, I think): "I am an old man and I have had many problems, most of which have never happened."

Beyonce
MTV's TRL Taping
October 14, 2008
Janet Mayer / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is hope for us all - Beyonce just announced that she wants to play Wonder Woman (MSNBC.com). And if there was ever a time when we could use a little escapism, it is now. So you go Beyonce, grab that golden lasso and save the world.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Barack Obama pulled a big no-no when he announced during his election night speech that his girls would be getting a puppy. Now every news outlet from People to the New York Times is running a story about just what kind of dog the Obama girls should choose. Passions are running high! Feelings are being hurt! Dogs are fearing rejection!

And I, for one, will be highly offended if the cute little Obamaettes don't choose a minature poodle. And so it goes! Arf! Arf!

Blake Fielder-Civil
Solarpix / PR Photos

Amy Winehouse
Solarpix / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is wonderful news from across the pond. Blake Fielder-Civil (Amy Winehouse's husband and the love-of-her-life) has been released from prison. The rock lovebirds reunion has been delayed a wee bit by the fact that Blake was driven straight from prison to rehab, but perhaps Britain's "Kurt Cobain/Courney Love duo" can be reunited by hauling their toxes to detox.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Senator Barack Obama was elected President of the United States last night. Our country has been irrevocably changed by the candidate of "change;" his election signals the real start of the 21st Century. And no where was that change more evident than on the faces of black men like the Reverend Jesse Jackson who had tears streaming down their faces. History was made last night and we will all remember where we were when it happened.

Now this is a change that is long overdue and one that our nation desperately needs.

But having said that, oh boy oh boy will this column miss Governor Sarah Palin. Her campaign for the Vice Presidency was like a subscription to the Zone Diet; all I had to do was open my door and there was today's meat. So here's to you Governor Palin: You're woeful lack of experience and gravitas would be dangerous in higher office, but you are an absolute hoot and we love you for it. You were definitely the gift that kept on giving.

Do you have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at wendy@newyorkcool.com

All of Miss Wendy's old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section:

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/October/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/September/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/August/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/July/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/June/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/May/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/April/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/March/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/February/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/January/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2007/December/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2007/November/ask.html