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Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

Click here for the November 2008 Miss Wendy Column

Sarah Jessica Parker
Barack Obama Campaign Headquarters Phone Bank
New York City, NY, USA
October 30, 2008
© Janet Mayer / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Today is election day, November 4, 2008. Please call all your friends and remind them to vote and then go vote yourself, it is the coolest thing you can ever do.

So take a tip from Sarah Jessica and "Carrie your Bradshaw" to the polls.

Dear Miss Wendy,

So what did you think of Senator McCain's performance on Saturday Night Live?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

I thought he was utterly hysterical. I loved the bit where Cindy McCain Vanna-Whited the display of “Fine Gold” jewelry. And just the concept of John McCain on QVC (he said that was all they could afford) was wonderfully over-the-top. Check it out on NBC.com.

I have always liked and respected Senator McCain; he is just not the person we need right now as President of the United States. We have extraordinary problems and we truly need an extraordinary leader and in this election, that leader is Senator Barack Obama. But I truly hope that after the election and what seems to be a certain Obama win, Senator Obama reaches out to Senator McCain and asks his help in solving our nation’s problems. Our ship of state is taking on water and we need all brains on deck!

Dear Miss Wendy,

What should I wear when I go to vote this Tuesday?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

Something festive, comfortable shoes and an Ipod (it may take a while). But whatever you wear, please vote. It is the most patriotic act you can ever perform.

And for the next four years, you will have earned the right to complain because you showed up and did your job.

Little Italy
Photo Credit Mary Blanco

From Miss Wendy to her readers: I saw this photo and it made me smile. No where but New York do the windows tell such a story!

2007 Village Halloween Parade
Photo Credit Wendy R. Williams

Happy Halloween! Halloween is the national holiday for ghouls, wtiches and drag queens and also for the ordinary people who once a year get to indulge their macabre and fabulous fantasies. So go witchin'!

From Miss Wendy to her readers: The election is just around the corner and along with electing a new President (Go Obama!), several states are being asked to vote on other issues from banning dog racing in Massachusetts to banning gay marriage in three states including California (MSNBC.com). Gay marriage is the last civil rights movement and an issue whose time has come. And the only way for gay Americans to achieve equal rights is for them to be able to be married and openly become America's neighbors. Because when people get to know "the gay guys down the street" or "the lesbians next door," they discover that are just as ordinary, mundane and boring as the rest of the married couples and the fear will be gone.

Dear Miss Wendy,

And just who are you going to be this Halloween? Sarah Palin or Amy Winehouse?

Sincerely,

Just Askin'

Dear Askin',

Miss Wendy will impersonate Miss Wendy.

Amy Winehouse
© Landmark / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: In your giddiness to impersonate Sarah Palin this Halloween, please don't forget the Queen of Halloween, Miss Amy Winehouse. She has been there for your Halloween fun the last four years, so please don't desert her just because you are distracted by a piece of Christmas tinsel. True love is not fickle.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Halloween is just around the corner and it is not too late to dress as Sarah Palin. Check out this Ricky's ad for the latest in Caribou Barbie/Miss Alaska wear. According to MSNBC.com, Palin is the hot ticket for Halloween with fun loving tricksters who are dressing as Palin and partnering with a friend dressed as Tom Cruise's character in the movie Top Gun - Maverick. Or tag along with Joe the Plumber. A good time will be had by all. Click here for Ricky's.

Hot Leg in Concert at Barfly / Liverpool, UK
October 21, 2008
© Solarpix / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a fun photo from across the pond - Hot Leg in concert. If a picture is worth a thousand words, this one tell us precisely why our mothers told us not to date musicians.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Boy oh boy, Sarah Palin is the gift that just keeps on giving. Read this story on MSNBC.com titled, "Palin stylist paid more than policy adviser - Stylist Amy Strozzi nets more than a McCain foreign policy adviser."

Now I am not "piling on" this poor woman. I KNOW how much hard work it is to have a good wardrobe, and if you don't have a lot of time, you better have a lot of money. And there is no way Palin could have stood on a stage next to Cindy McCain in "whatever she happened to have" from her Governor-of-Alaska-mother-of-five days. And they certainly could not have given her two weeks to get up to speed with her clothing issues. The lady needed some HELP! But these stories are so funny I just can't stand it: "Hockey Mom shops at Saks!"

P. S. When this election is over, how much do you want to bet that Sarah Palin continues to wear St. John? This is one habit that will be hard to break.

Body Model Net Michelle
Photo Credit Krisztina Fazekas

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a quick style question: Do you think Net Michelle's look works, even though her hat doesn't match her purse?

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Has anyone else other than me figured out that the reason Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol is NOT having a old fashion shot gun wedding "before" her baby is born, is that if she got married, she would no longer be on her mother's health insurance policy and thus join the ranks of the uninsured. Yes our lack of national health insurance influences all of our decisions from the elderly forgoing their heart medications to sweet little girls from the Christian right forgoing a shot gun wedding.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Isn't Sarah Palin the most fun political candidate ever? And it just gets better all the time. Today there are news reports (msnbc.com) that the Republican National Committee spent $150,000 on clothes for Governor Palin at places like Neiman Marcus ($75,062) and Saks Fifth Avenue ($49,425). Hey, a gal needs to have something to wear when she is "palling around" with her new BFF's, those fun-loving good-old-boys - Joe the Plumber and Joe Six Pack.

Without hypocrisy, there would be no humor.

I do not want to see McCain/Palin win the election for the sake of our country. But I will really miss Governor Palin as fodder for this column. She has been a lot of fun.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a good one from whacky LA: the prosecutor has dropped charges again Britney Spears for driving in California without a California license (she had a Louisiana license). He did this after a jury deliberated for three days and became hopelessly deadlocked (10 for not guilty, 2 for guilty). But it gets wackier then that, as if anything could be wackier than 12 people spending three days of their life on such silliness.

According to People.com, the jury foreman (who voted guilty) said that: "he believed Spears' celebrity worked in her favor, saying that people have a "natural propensity to identify with celebrities, and I feel some of the jurors inserted their personal feelings" into their decision-making." And then the prosecutor chimed in with, ""We put our best foot forward," said Amerian about trying the case – and adding that he was troubled by the jury foreman's comments about her fame working in Spears' favor. "It just goes to show you how difficult it is to convict a celebrity in Los Angeles."

Well, duh! If Ms. Spears had not been a celebrity, you, Mr. American, would have never had this case. In case you (my readers) don't remember, about a year ago Spears was trying to pull into a parking lot when she side-swiped another car and afterwards she did not leave a note. Well, that seems cut and dried doesn't it? Unless you add the fact that there were about one hundred photographers in the parking lot blinding Britney with flashes and screaming her name as in "Here, Britney! Here, Britney!" so she probably did not even hear the thump much less see the other cars in the parking lot.

And none of these photographers told the befuddled Britney that she had hit another car. They waited until she had left and looked up the license plate and called the car's owner and told her she had had been the victim of a hit and run driver and why didn't she file a complaint. (They did this so they could have an even better story then the one about Britney side-swiping a car - got it?). And the poor lady did file a complaint, but later our side-swipe victim settled out of court and dropped her complaint because she most likely decided that she did not want her fifteen minutes of fame and just wanted her car fixed. And this is how the local constabulary found out that Britney did not have a California license in the first place.

So the prosecutor was left with a lame driving-without-a-license-case, handed to him on a platter by a pack of ravenous paparazzo. And just because Spears is a celebrity, Mr. Amerian was out for blood , so he proceeded to totally waste the time of the judge, jury and other lawyers. And in the process, he made himself look like a silly celebrity chaser. In football terms, it is called "piling-on."

Dear Miss Wendy,

So what do you think will happen to Sarah Palin if Barack Obama becomes President?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

Sarah Palin will never be Sarah Palin again; she has been irrevocably changed. For one thing, I don't think this Mother-of-five / Governor of Alaska, ever had much time to read newspapers or follow current affairs before she was picked for the Republican Ticket (her life had to have been on triage as in "Is it on fire? If not, it can wait."). And since her nomination, you just know she has been forced fed CNN and met all kinds of "advisors." And for the first time in her life, she has been challenged on every one of her heart felt beliefs (by the press, not by the "advisors"). And if her mind has not been permanently closed by spending most of her life in small town Alaska, she will have a lot to think about after the election.

So it has been quite a trip - to quote a portion of Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the Places You’ll Go!":

"You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
Who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t..."

Dear Miss Wendy,

Governor Sarah Palin
© Janet Mayer / PR Photos

So how do you think Sarah Palin did last night on Saturday Night Live?

Sincerely,

Tabloid Tilly

Dear Tilly,

I thought she was just great and showed a great sense of humor, laughing along as she was referred to as Caribou Barbie and seat dancing while a very pregnant Amy Poehler rapped and danced. I also think Palin should visit SNL again if she is invited back. Comedy requires a lot of talent and hard work, but if you try to be funny and don't suceed, no one is hurt like they would be if you tried and failed at being a brain surgeon or Vice President of the United States. In both of those fields, the interns shouldn't be doing the operating.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Do people who live on the Upper East Side of Manhattan have sex?

Sincerely,

Socialista

Dear Socialista,

Yes, but there is always money involved.

Bowery Poetry Club
Photo Credit Mary Blanco

From Miss Wendy to her readers: I saw this old photo of the Bowery Poetry Club, which is still rockin the ever changing Bowery neighborhood, and it made me smile. Because no matter how dark it may seem, nothing ever stays the same.

Britney Spears
PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is a totally ridiculous court case in California right now. The State of California is charging Britney Spears of driving her car in California while only possessing a Louisiana driver's license (see People.com). The State of California contends that Britney should have had a California driver's license since she owns a home in LA. But Britney also owns homes in Louisiana, New York and Florida etc. etc. And besides that, she may have just gotten lucky and had a really decent photo on her Louisiana drivers license and didn't want to give it up.

Wouldn't the legal system of California be better occupied with prosecuting the arsonists who are setting all those fires? But wait, that might be difficult. Afterall, the arsonists are not being followed around town by a hundred photographers who are just waiting for them to break a law so they can have a story.

Well, the City of Los Angeles is lucky in one way. At least they don't have to rely on fingerprint evidence to prosecute Britney for her driver license faux pas.

Madonna
© Landmark / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is sad news from London, after a summer of denials ("Arod and I simply attend the same Kaballah Center") Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce. But I believe Madonna when she says that she really tried to save her marriage; it is hard for super stars to find suitable mates - they live in a scarcely populated galaxy. Why do you think Hillary never divorced Bill?

Charo
© PRN / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a "You Got it Going Girl Award" for Charo, the Spanish dancer extraordinaire who was born in 1951 or 1941 (who's counting?) and in the spirit of Miss Tina Turner, is still rocking Vegas.

And this is what I want to do when I grow up.

Dear Miss Wendy,

What should we wear during this economic downtown?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

Clothes.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Is there anything sexy about the current economic downtonw?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

No.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Economic downturn or not, it is official: All New Yorkers will need new clothes. The Connecticut Supreme Court has overturned the ban on same sex marriages and the invitations from Connecticut will start pouring in. I suggest that we all try to get a bulk rate on silver plated chafing dishes.

Dear Miss Wendy,

We are in the midst of a major economic downturn and many New Yorkers will no longer be able to live the Sex and the City lifestyle. What ever shall we do?

Sincerely,

Downturn Carrie

Dear Carrie,

New York has become the style and fashion capital of the world, not just by our unlimited capacity to spend, but by the residents amazing creativity. I foresee a return to boho chic where the boho arises not from purchases from an avant-garde designer, but from the creativity of individual New Yorkers designing their own lives.

Here are some quick hints:

1. Even with the economic downtown, no one in New York can sell their furniture or households goods. It is impossible to have a garage sale and no one has time to deal with Craig's List, so when you move in together and have two couches, one is given away. Goodwill and Salvation Army all have wonderful stores filled with furniture and a lot of it is really top drawer.

Salvation Army Thrift Store Hell's Kitchen
536 W 46TH St
New York, NY 10036-2297
Phone: (212) 757-2311

Goodwill Super Store
2231 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10035; (212) 410-0973
(Between 121st and 122nd Streets; take the 4, 5 or 6 train to the 125th Street-Lexington Avenue stop)

2. And then there are the upscale thrift shows that are stuffed with beautiful garments and furnishings.

City Opera Thrift Store
222 East 23rd St.
New York, New York 10010

Housing Works Thrift Shop
157 E 23rd St
New York, NY 10010-3701
(212) 529-5955

But do your thrift shopping quickly because New York is filled with some of the most creative people in the world and millions of minds are now focused on the question of just how do I help fix this mess? And we will fix it. So when you go to the thrift stores, look for some feathers to symbolize the New York Phoenix, because we are going to fly out of this disaster and return to Saks.

And P. S. If you still have money to spend, please spend it. Nothing makes life go on more than life going on. A few days after 9/11, I called my octogenarian aunt and told her that I was coping but as of that minute, I had nothing to do. The only thing I needed to do was get my nails done and I felt really silly getting a manicure after such a tragedy. And my aunt, who had lived through the depression and the rationing of World War II, told me, "You have to get your nails done. If you don't, it will be the ruination of us all. That lady needs her money."

Dear Miss Wendy,

I wrote to you about the people who I see "making a display of themselves" in their windows as I pass by on the 14th Street bus. You told me that they are called window posers. But sometimes I can't really see them very well because they are so far away. Do you have any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Bus Bound

Dear Bound,

Buy some opera glasses. But when you pull those out and start peering into second story windows as you ride pass in the bus, you too will be creating a posing tableau, so be sure to set your stage properly - try operaglasses.com for the glasses and Gap.com for the prerequisite trench coat.

Dear Miss Wendy,

I ride the 14th Street Cross Town bus everday and I keep seeing people same people just standing in their windows. What are they doing?

Sincerely,

Bus Bound

Dear Bound,

They are New York City's window posers. All over Manhattan, people arrange tableaus at their windows and "put on show." Most of them are just what you described, someone depicting an innocuous Rear Window type scene. But at night the razzle dazzle burlesque artists come out to perform. But you will have to find your own windows if you want to watch these performances. Being a Peeping Tom requires deligence and dedication.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: The world goes on. Eighty-six cats were rescued from a two bedroom condo where they were being cared for by an old spinster. Ho hum, ho hum! I know! I know! You've heard it all before! BUT, here's the headline (MSNBC.com). The cats and the old lady were NOT New York residents; they were Colorado cats! And that my chickadees is a truly extraordinary story.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is terrible news out of Missouri - the "Elvis is Alive Museum" is dying (see MSNBC.com) for lack of an EBAY buyer. Isn't there someone in Las Vegas or East Village with a few dimes left to spend to preserve camp?


Tom Cruise, Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes Janet Mayers/PR Photos	Britney Spears PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Our financial world may have gone "to hell in a handbasket" (and hopefully back) last week, but Britney Spears came to town and attended the Broadway musical In the Heights and Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes took their daughter Suri for high tea at Alice's Tea Cup. The world still turns, life goes on and we just may be okay.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Fall officially began over a week ago, September 21, 2008. But if you always have touble remembering the exact date of the autumnal equinox, here is a quick cheat: Fall begins when the women of New York City take off their flip flops and put on their Uggs.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Does anyone have sex in Washington DC anymore?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Polly,

No. They are way too busy screwing us.

Dear Miss Wendy,

So what did you think about Governor Sarah Palin's performance in last night's debate?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Polly,

Governor Palin did an admirable job of memorizing her talking points and when she stayed on them (irregardless of the question), she did just fine. As for the more extemporaneous parts of the evenings debate (when there was no memorized/canned dialogue that would suffice and she was forced to talk on her own), Governor Palin was a prime example of the tragedy that occurred when our public schools quit teaching sentence diagramming.

But since Governor Palin has stated that she is in favor of education and the memorized portion of last night's debate shows that she has the capacity to be a good student, perhaps she would like to log onto one of these websites and do a cram course in How-To-Make-Sense-When-The-Media-Forces-You-To-Talk-Without-Your-Script:

www.geocities.com/gene_moutoux/basicdiagrams.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/GRAMMAR/diagrams/diagrams.htm
www.surfnetkids.com/diagramming_sentences.htm

P. S. to Palin: Saying "you betcha" will not endear you to the Reagan Southern Democrats. It makes you sound like you are from Minnesota, which as far as the "good old boys" are concerned, might as well be Finland.

Do you have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at wendy@newyorkcool.com

All of Miss Wendy's old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section:

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/September/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/August/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/July/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/June/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/May/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/April/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/March/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/February/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/January/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2007/December/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2007/November/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2007/October/ask.html