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Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

Click here for the October 2008 Miss Wendy Column

Dear Miss Wendy,

I live on the Upper East Side and am married to a wonderful man I met at the Yale Club. We are going to have a baby and we just found out that it is a boy. My husband wants to name the baby after himself making this new baby the fourth in a line of men with the same socially prominent name. I can't tell you the real name; let's just say it is something like Farleigh Dickenson IV. I want to give the baby his own name, something easy to spell and fun. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Park Avenue Princess

Dear Princess,

Your husband is not thinking this through. We live in the age of tabloids. How is husband going to like having it when the kid hits his teens and the newspapers are filled with headlines like: Farleigh Dickenson arrested for DWI on Dune Road; Farleigh Dickenson disses Paris Hilton's daughter Vienna at the Waverly Inn; Farleigh Dickenson arrested for mooning the Marthas Vineyard police station - AGAIN etc. etc. And that is not the half of it, by the time this baby hits college, our credit crisis will probably be over and credit companies will give darling Farleigh about five credit cards which he will promptly max out. And who do you think the creditors will call - darling baby Farleigh's disposable (he didn't pay his bill) cell phone or your husband's listed land line? And I am not dissing your new baby, that's just the way most rowdy teenage boys behave (see Gossip Girl) even if Farleigh III won't fess up to his own youthful indiscretions. Why don't you name the baby something cute and fun like Ditto (Ditto Dickenson has a nice ring to it) and make the decision about awarding the family name when the kid hits twenty five.

Dear Miss Wendy,

I have been writing to you for fun suggestions for my trip to New York. You told me about Alphabet City and also told me to not bother with New York psychics because you could just answer my questions. Well you are obviously not psychic or you would have known that I have just come out as a cross dresser and what I really want to do on my trip to New York City is buy some women's clothes in my size.

Sincerely,

Oklahoma City

The Gods (Goddesses) of Cross Dressing -
The Blondes
Photo Credit Mary Blanco

Dear Okie,

If you are a recently frocked cross dresser, you do not need to come to New York on vacation, you need to move here. Oklahoma City may have become more liberal in recent years, but you will never be able to find size 12 women's heels or a proper wig in Okieland. And the ladies in the Oklahoma City nail salons will faint if you walk in and ask for a full body wax; why, you could even be arrested. Hey, some things are just too kinky for anywhere but New York and you, my dear, just became one of them.

Have you seen this woman?
Governor Sarah Palin
© Janet Mayer / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a photo that one of our photographers took of Governor Sarah Palin as she was being quickly whisked through New York City. I am showing this to you so you see what she looks like and won't expect to see Tina Fey at the Vice Presidential Debate on Thursday night, although Governor Palin's interview with Katie Couric was just as dumb and funny as Tina Fey's SNL parody, so it might not make a difference who shows up.

Governor Palin is presently at John McCain's Arizona ranch (see the New York Times) spending three days cramming for her exam as in, "Two legislative bodies make up Congress - the House and the Senate. There are one hundred Senators because there are fifty states and each state gets TWO, got that? The number of House seats are allocated to the states by population, but they won't expect you to know the formula (I hope). Who is Dick Cheney and what is his job? Who is Nancy Pelosi? There are several stock exchanges and several stock indexes (Dow Jones, Standard and Poors 500). For ten extra points, what is the Nikkei? Etc. etc." I hope they are using flash cards.

Read Fareed Zakaria's article on CNN.com titled, McCain's VP Decision is Fundamentally Irresponsible.

Dear Miss Wendy,

I just wrote you and told you that I was going to come to New York for the weekend and wanted to know where to go to hang with the locals. You told me to go somewhere called Alphabet City (see answer below). I have one more question: Can you recommend a New York psychic?

Sincerely ,

Oklahoma City

Dear Okie,

615 E 2nd. Avenue @ 32nd Street
Photo Credit Melinda McLean

Dear Okie,

There is a psychic on every street corner in New York City and the one thing they have in common is they all want your money. But if these so-called psychics could actually predict the future, why would their "present" look so shabby? And besides, you can ask me for advice and I'm free. (You will marry rich but your mother likes your sister better than than she likes you.)

But if you would really like to know a bit more about New York psychics, read Melinda McLean's New York Cool Article.

Baroness Sherry , Jeremiah Newton and Sylvia Miles
Photo Credit Jose S. Vibar

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a You Got It Going Girl Award to the actress Miss Sylvia Miles for her relentless support of our city's nightlife. No New York party has officially started until Miss Miles arrives! So Mavel Tov to you Miss Sylvia! You keep us rockin'!

Dear Miss Wendy,

I just graduated from college and am coming to New York next month for a weekend and want to know where I can see New York without being surrounded by tourists?

Sincerely ,

Oklahoma City

Dear Okie,

Mercadito, 179 Ave. B (btwn 11th & 12th St.)
Photo Credit Ramon Estavanell

Spend the evening in Alphabet City, the East Village neighborhood that runs from Avenue A through D and from Fourteenth Street to Houston Street. Eat at Mercadito, a Mexican restaurant that is filled with natives plus the occasional super model. Then just walk out the door and hit the bars.

Alphabet City may have its share of new million dollar condos, but it has not shaken off its grit and it is still home for the cool kids who have no curfew.

"Scary" Witch
Grenwich Village Halloween Parade
Photo Credit Wendy R. Williams

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is wonderful news on MSNBC.com. Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin's pastor prayed over her asking that she be protected from witchcraft. And with Halloween just around the corner, I for one am relieved that she took care of this threat in such a proactive way.

Clay Aiken
© Lee Roth / RothStock / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: So, Clay Aiken has come out (MSNBC.com) and is now officially gay (there is also no Santa Claus). The world has truly changed for the better: Gays and lesbians can come out; they can even get married in California (Steven Spieberg just gave to 100,000 to be sure could continue to get married in California) and Massachusetts. And the unmarried pregnant seventeen-year-old daughter of a right-wing Republican Vice Presidential nominee can have her pregnancy announced by her candidate/mother and the world just goes aw! And all of this just needs to be filed away in the home of live-and-let-live-and-besides-it's-none-of-our-business.

Dita Von Teese
© Solarpix / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a fun photo that has just flown across the pond. Burlesque star Dita Von Teese helped launch a new line of 40s and 50s inspired lingerie for Wonderbra at Covent Garden in London on September 23, 2008. If Paris Hilton were around, she could say, "That's hot!"

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is a fascinating interview with Lynn Spears (mother to Britney and Jamie Lynn) on Newsweek.com titled Grandmother Spears Speaks Out. See what Lynn said about different ways the media treated her daughter Jamie Lynn's teen pregnancy and the way the recently treated the announcement that Bristol Palin (Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin's daughter) was pregnant. "It's a totally different reaction. It's as if [Sarah Palin] became celebrated. I mean, the mother, Palin, was celebrated for this. Every woman in the world has applauded her strength and her convictions and poor little old Jamie Lynn—you saw how she was crucified. Everybody did, firsthand ... I just feel like it's been a very hypocritical situation."

And Amen to that, Sister Spears!

And just think what the reaction would have been if Barack Obama had a unmarried pregnant seventeen-year-old daughter. What do you think people would have thought about having her and her baby daddy on the Democratic Convention stage?

The truth about this teen age pregnancy problem is that it is not a teen age problem, it's a parental problem. So parents: if your son or daughter has more than one date with the same person and/or hits the age of sixteen (nothing wrong with before sixteen), you are really dumb if you assume they are not having sex. And even if you totally believe them when they say, "Oh, no, not me Mom. I respect myself too much. See this promise ring, I’m just like the Jonas Brothers." Then you say, "Oh baby, of course you respect yourself too much and I love you for it, but some of your friends might not be so smart and may need your advice, so sit yourself down right now and let me show you how to use a condom and some spermicidal gel and how to dial the number of our local Planned Parenthood in case YOUR FRIENDS want some birth control pills."

Hey, you show them how to use the fire extinguisher and you certainly don't think they are going to start a fire!!!

Joe Strummer Street Art
Avenue A and 7th
Photo Credit Evan Sung

From Miss Wendy to her readers: And here is a salute to New York City, a city where in the words of Joe Strummer, "The Future is Unwritten." In no other city in the world are the citizens as free to write their own story and/or recreate their lives. So Mazel Tov New York City! You are our drug of choice!

Lady Bunny, Sultana and Patricia Field
Patricia Field Fashion Show
September 6, 2008
Photo Credit Cindy Ord

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a You Got it Going Girl Award to Miss Patricia Field. Pat epitimozes the phrase, "Fashion Rocks." And her wing chics aren't any slouches either.

David Blaine and Donald Trump
© Donna Ward / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a witty ditty for your amusment. David Blaine and Donald Trump held a press conference on September 18, 2008 at the Atrium of Trump Tower to demonstrate the postion David Blaine will be in when he hangs upside down for 60 hours above the Wollman Rink in Central Park starting Monday, September 22, 2008 at 8 a.m.. Holy sh*t Batboy!

And someone needs to give Trump an award for being the world's best dressed carnival barker!

Miss Kazmo Rodeo
Photo Credit Cindy Ord

From Miss Wendy to her readers: In the interest of fashion fairness (I have been poking fun at the English and their outrageous hats), I present the American Miss Kazmo Rodeo and her fish hat. Miss Rodeo wore her hat when she attended the Patricia Field Fashion Show on Saturday 6, 2008 at the Hotel Edison Ballroom. Our country was founded by England and sometimes it really shows.

Tomorrow, I promise to quit talking about fashion (for the time being) and tell you something really scandalous.

Eley Kishimoto Catwalk Show
London Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2009
Natural History Museum / London, UK
September 16, 2008
© Solarpix / PR Photos


Eley Kishimoto Catwalk Show London Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2009 Natural History Museum / London September 16, 2008 © Solarpix / PR Photos	Eley Kishimoto Catwalk Show London Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2009 Natural History Museum / London September 16, 2008 © Solarpix / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: In my ongoing quest to give you the weather report from across the pond, I am giddy to report that our cousins are just as whacked as ever. And it is a damn shame that our entire country is presently broke, because it would be a lot of fun to walk the streets of London streets and snicker.

Stylist Rachel Zoe
© Wild1 / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Do you think that two years from now women will wonder just what were we thinking when we spent 2008 with a dishrag tied around our neck?

George Takei
© Chris Hatcher / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Star Trek's Mr Sulu, George Takei, has wed his longtime partner Brad Altman in a Budhist ceremony in Los Angeles (msnbc.com) thus rocking fearful conservatives with yet another assault on the institution of marriage. Heavens to Betsy, how shall we ever survive in a world where a dangerous subversive like the seventy-one year old Mr. Sulu can marry the man he loves????

Dear Miss Wendy,

Do you think the Chemistry.com commercials are creepy?

Sincrerely,

TV Tony

Dear Tony,

Yes.

Dear Miss Wendy,

What do you think about all the publicity Sarah Palin is receiving?

Sincerely,

Political Mavin

Dear Mavis,

Governor Palin is enjoying an early honeymoon with both the press and the American people. But she has also become an actor in a three act play and her second act has just begun (msnbc.msn.com & washingtonpost.com).

Since the media gods need fresh meat every day, first they butter you up as in "Stick your finger out of the cage so I can see how fat you are," (the witch in Hansel and Gretel) and then they eat you.

So, my little chickadees, if the media ever makes you their darling, you should always take a quick look over your shoulder to check for the barbeque spit and giant jar of mustard awaiting your soon-to-be-roasted carcass.

Dear Miss Wendy,

What is the best trait a fashionista can possess at Fashion Week?

Sincerely,

Tabloid Tilly

A penchant for air kissing.

Dear Miss Wendy,

What do you think about the latest political dog fight with Obama saying something along the lines that the Republican are just taking Bush's old programs and figuratively "putting lipstick on a pig" and the McCain campaign immediately demanded that Obama apologize to Governor Sarah Palin?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

Well, the first thing that comes to mind if that with all the problems our nation is facing we need to be talking about "lipstick on pigs" the way a wart hog needs a side saddle. My next thought is that if I were Sarah Palin I would bitch slap McCain for assuming that I (Palin) was the only pig in the Republican Party and then demanding that Obama apologize to ME!!!!

Artist Damien Hirst with a Zebra Stuffed in Formaldehyde
Photo Credit: Solarpix / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is another blast of weirdness from our cousins across the pond. A group of (very) recent Damien Hirst art pieces (including this bizarre stuffed zebra) are being auctioned at Sotheby's in an auction titled, "Beautiful Inside My Head Forever." Well, if you say so.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Is it possible to meet a man at an art gallery opening who wants to get married and have children?

Sincerely,

Lonely in Soho

Dear Soho,

No.

Madonna
© Landmark / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is heart warming news out of Rome (see MSNBC.com). Madonna, while in Rome with her "Sweet and Sticky" tour, dedicated her song "Like a Virgin" to the Pope. His Holliness must have been so pleased.

Lady Bunny
Photo Credit Katherin Wermke

Dear Miss Wendy,

It is Fashion Week and all over town the ultra fabulous drag queens are attending parties and upstaging us real women. Is this fair?

Sincerely, `

Simply Chic

Dear Chicky,

It is absolutely not fair; drag queens are fearless, go straight for the caricature and nail us anatomically-correct women to the bathroom door. Funny-honnies like Lady Bunny have more fun being women than any real woman will ever have, unless you are/were Tammy Faye Baker, Delta Burke or Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson.

Harajuku Lovers Models
© Anthony G. Moore / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a fun photo of some models at a Blomindales/Vanity Fair sponsored "The Beat of Chic Party," in honor of Japanese fashion line Harajuku Lovers which has the motto "A Total Attraction to Cuteness." Some days we just need to smile.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Don't you think you were being a little sexist when you wrote about Governor Palin? And don't you think all the media was unfair to her daughter, Bristol?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

I was probably less shocked by the pregnancy than any other writer in New York. I am from a small town in Texas and all the girls in my high school graduating class got knocked up on prom night except me (I wasn't that popular).

But one of the tidbits about Governor Palin that truly upsets me is that when she was Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, she asked the local librarian to remove books from the library that she (Sarah Palin) did not like. This is upsetting for a variety of reasons. First, I am sure that poor librarian must have nearly had a heart attack upon hearing such a request. And second, I have always harbored the desire to write a pornographic version of my life story. Now granted, it would have to be half fiction, well maybe mostly fiction, since I have never did become that popular and have now entered a more dignified phase of my life (the tiaras and the boas etc. etc, which must not be mussed).

But if I should decide to become a new Anais Ninn, I would certainly hope that the good citizens of Wasilla, Alaska, would be able to enjoy my musings without the interference of their mayor, their Governor or the Vice President of the United States.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Are the delegates having sex at the Republican Convention?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

I certainly hope not. I always encourage Republicans to screw the economy and leave each other alone. It may be a long term solution to the problem, but at least it is a solution.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: We are now less than a week into Palingate and a good time is being had by all except perhaps Governor Palin's pregnant daughter, Bristol, who is certainly getting a lot more unwanted press than anyone should ever be subjected to at the tender age of seventeen.

Here are a few musings: The fact that Governor Palin could simply announce to the nation that her seventeen year old daughter is pregnant and that her family loves her and is going to support her is a direct benefit of the Roe v. Wade decision. Isn't it remarkable that being given the freedom to choose to have an abortion also freed unmarried women to make the choice to have and keep their babies? In the days before Roe v. Wade, unmarried pregnant women were hidden away in maternity homes and forced to relinquish their babies for adoption so they would not shame their families. Pro-choice means a lot more to the women of today than just the choice to terminate a pregnancy.

So congratulations to Bristol Palin and welcome to the world to her baby-to-be. And here's to Bristol: All of us dithering press people promise to go away as soon as your fifteen minutes are over.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Have you heard the news that Governor Sarah Palin's seventeen year old daughter is pregnant and is keeping her baby and marrying her boyfriend?

Sincerely,

Political Maven.

Dear Mavis,

I do have to give Governor Palin political props for announcing her hurricane during hurricane Gustav. And of course this unexpected (?) pregnancy is a rousing endorsement of the effectiveness of the Abstinance Only Sex Education endorsed by the Republican Party.

But back to basics: This woman has her hands full. She has a six month baby and one of her four other children is just about to have her own baby. And since Governor Palin has no obvious qualifications to be Vice President and has overwhelming family obligations, I still don't see why John McCain did not consider me or Debby Harry for the job as neither of us has children at home to distract us with their shannigans.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a You Got It Going Girl Award to Miss Debby Harry, who is still rocking the Lower East Side with her downtown chic: Love the Michael Jackson style pajama bottoms, girl.

But I do wonder if Debby is as incensed as I am to not be actively considered for the Republican nomination for Vice President of the United States. Senator McCain should have let us know that he had lowered the bar so low that that just being a woman qualified you to run. I don't know about Debbie, but I am pretty pissed about not being given an opportunity to campaign for the nomination. Since the job requirements had been changed to be so amazingly inclusive, why didn't the Republicans post it on their website? It is simply not fair. I can be gracious at ceremonial occasions and I already own a tiara.

Click on this MSNBC.com Video to see a young Sarah (Heath) Palin announce the results of the local dog race.

Dear Miss Wendy,

What do you think about John McCain's pick for his running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

When I first saw McCain and Palin on television, I was shocked. I did not catch her name and I thought he had picked Tina Fey (she is a dead ringer) and was worried about just what Thirty Rock would do while Tina was out riding the campaign bus with McCain. But then I heard who it really was and I was really shocked.

Governor Palin is abysmally light in national experience, she has been Alaska's governor for less than two years and before that she was the mayor of a small town (under 10,000 in population) where she was in charge of moose-and-trash-can control. She also has five children ranging in age from six months to nineteen years, so she must have a hard time recalling what her name is much less what is the next thing that needs to be done for the State of Alaska. [And before you give me a hard time about not politically correct and supporting the right of women with children to do anything (I do support that right), please spend some time in a household with five children.] But my real shock came from the fact that based on the on-curve-grading used to select Governor Palin, that I, Miss Wendy, was obviously qualified to be the Republican Vice Presidential nominee and I did not even know it. And that my chicladees, is simply not fair.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Do you think people have sex at political conventions?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

Yes. As long as the political convention is not held in Connecticut.

Do you have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at wendy@newyorkcool.com

All of Miss Wendy's old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section:

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/September/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/August/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/July/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/June/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/May/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/April/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/March/ask.html