Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy
R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher
here for Miss Wendy's Latest Column
Solarpix / PR Photos
Here is one of Miss
Wendy's "You Got it Going Girl Awards"
for Mr. Michael Jackson (and yes, I know that he
is a he, but do you?). Michael was holding a press
conference in London for his "This Is It!"
10 Show Concert Tour. There is so much to be said
about this but I think I will just stick with, "Nice
duds and shades."
Dear Miss Wendy,
The Dow dropped below
7000 today. Are we doomed?
No. Though it does feel like
we are bungy jumping in the dark with no clue when
we will be through falling. President Barack Obama
has assured us that the government is willing to
do whatever it takes to help the economy and I believe
he will succeed. But one other thing will save us.
Despite the craziness of the Republican Governor
of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal, giving his speech-after-the
speech and stating that Republicans believe in the
American people and the American people can fix
the mess our former Republican administration made
with little or no help from the government (as in,
"We broke it, you fix it."), people are
resilient. All over our country people are looking
at this mess with the idea of what can they do to
fix their own personal situation and some of this
"fixing of a personal situation" will
spill over and help our country. Granted, many will
be just forced to just suffer, but some will have
new ideas like the one Steve Jobs had when he revamped
Apple or the idea that the creators of Ebay and
Amazon had when they changed the way America shopped.
When Jobs returned to Apple to create Ipod, Iphone
and Ibook, the conventional wisdom was that Apple
was down for the count. And when the entrepreneurs
of internet shopping created their fiefdoms, no
one thought anyone would be willing to shop on the
internet. The conventional wisdom always states
that new ideas won't work. But new ideas are boiling
away in a million "cauldrons of creativity"
because adversity always lights a fire.
And I bet if you
asked a lot of people who have lived in large homes
and drive SUV's, if they would now be willing to
live in smaller, greener, sexier homes and live
in a community which only allowed small electric
cars to be driven inside the community with car
parks and car rental agencies on the outskirts to
house bigger cars for highway travel (or perhaps
high-speed trains), the answer might well be yes.
And that is not an answer they would have given
even a year ago.
And one last thought,
when you feel down for the count, just think about
how Ireland thrived as soon as the "troubles"
were over and how quickly the countries from the
former Soviet bloc recreated their nations after
the Berlin Wall fell. These countries had all been
"down for the count" but quickly arose
like the mythical Phoenix. And we will too.
Photo Credit Adam Bielawski / PR Photos
Dear Miss Wendy,
Did you hear the
news - Rihanna is back with her no-good battering
boyfriend, Chris Brown?
Yup. And all
I can say is that I've heard this story before and
I don't like the ending. Oh well, perhaps they can
become country music singers. And if they want some
lyrics, I will be happy to help.
"You stuck your
face in my fist and I didn't know what to do
But believe me honey baby, I still love yooooooooo"
CoCo Marie and Husband Ice-T
Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2009
Richie Rich "Blondes Have More Fun" Fashion
Waldorf-Astoria Hotel / New York City, NY, USA
Janet Mayer / PR Photos
From Miss Wendy
to her readers: Here is one
of Miss Wendy's You Got It Going Girl Awards
to Ice-T (Law & Order) and his
wife, Coco Marie (I know Ice's a guy, but he still
gets the award). Now here is a couple who has resisted
the urge to move to Connecticut and blend in. And
to all you middle aged children who have never managed
to reconcile with your families, wouldn't they be
a fun couple to bring along to the next family reunion?
And if you are still resentful over your childhood,
you could always walk in with this very stylish
couple and say, "This is Ice T and Coco - we're
From Miss Wendy
to her readers: Spring is
just around the corner with the resulting influx
of tourists on spring break (we hope, we hope) so
now is the time to set some new rules for how to
walk in New York City.
Tourist come to New
York (and God bless them) and, hey, they are on
vacation (many thanks, we need your money). But
many a tourist who would not dream of blocking traffic
by pulling a hay wagon down a country lane back
in Missouri (or wherever they are from), thinks
nothing of blocking traffic on the sidewalks of
New York City. Message to our beloved tourists,
despite what has happened in Times Square, New York
City is not Disneyland. I know you are on vacation,
but New Yorkers are walkers by necessity and if
you block the sidewalk, you are making someone late
for their doctor appointment or late to pick up
their child from school. The sidewalks are New York
Here are Miss Wendy's
Walking Rules for Tourists:
1. Do not walk three
abreast on the sidewalk. Especially if you and your
friends have lived long enough to be able to pay
for a trip to New York City and sport the derriere
spread that comes with age and prosperity. You won't
fit and people will be forced to push by you to
2. If you walk up a flight of stairs and are a little
winded, do not stop at the top of the stairs to
get your breath. Move away from the top of the stairs
to stop and pant.
3. If you are walking
down the sidewalk and see something interesting
that you want to point out to your friends, pull
them to the side clearing the sidewalk, and then
look up and point.
4. And never, never
5. And one last thing,
please to not wear sun visors. It upsets me.
Now, here are some
walking rules just for New Yorkers:
1. Do not walk while
you are talking on your cell phone unless you are
saying something like, "Please don't pull the
plug until I get there." You don't look important
and you will inevitably start to meander (Do Not
Meander), making it impossible to pass you. Every
other person on the sidewalks of New York is jawing
away on a cell phone. Unfocussed jawers look silly,
walk slowly and block sidewalk traffic.
2. And to all of
you who run through Grand Central Station pulling
a roller bag and talking on the phone, cut that
sh*t out right now. If you trip me, I am going to
sue. You also look ridiculous.
3. Do not stand on
the subway stairs and make cell phone calls. You
are blocking the stairway (and why oh why do I have
to tell grownups something like this?).
4. And one last thing,
New Yorkers should never wear Crocs. Why go to all
the trouble to live in this great cosmopolitan city
only to lose you cred to a pair of Crocs? Notice,
I did not make this a rule for our beloved tourists,
but more is expected of the residents of this great
city. With privilege comes responsibility.
From Miss Wendy to her readers:
Oh my oh my, Roseanne Barr
seems to have taken Chris Brown beat-down of Rihanna
very personally. See
Roseanne's blog. Not that what Brown did has
any excuse and his talk about taking counsel from
his family certainly rings a little false (like
they did not notice his bad temper and biting ways
beforehand), but one wonders just why Ms. Barr is
so up in arms? Well, on second thought, perhaps
we don't want to know.
Dear Miss Wendy,
It is Fashion Week! Please tell
us: Is there sex during fashion week?
Absolutely not. Everyone involved
in Fashion Week is entirely too hungry and bitchy
to be interested in sex.
See this quote from my February
2007 Column about sex during Fashion Week: "Well
there will be a lot of pretty little things walking
down the runway (see-through blouses with no bras,
thongs peeping through voile for both men and women)
but realistically, there will be no sex. The female
models have not eaten in about a month and if propositioned
would probably say something like, “Not now
sweetie, but why don’t you just talk dirty
to me while I do this line?” The male models
have had a little more to eat and might be a little
more interested, but are still likely to say something
like, “Oh that’s nice, but why don’t
you just get up and act as my spotter while I lift
these weights?” And the designers will brush
away any amorous efforts with a, “For heavens
sake, darlings! If you really want to be useful,
get off your knees and make a Starbucks run! Someone
is going to trip over you and break a heel!”
You see, everyone at Fashion Week is an ascetic,
asexual alien; things are different in their world."
Dear Miss Wendy,
You have said nothing
about about what you think about the situation of
Nadya Suleman, the single mother of six who gave
birth to a octupulets last month, making her the
single mother of fourteen.
Miss Wendy has said
nothing because she is speechless just thinking
about such craziness. Miss Wendy occasionally spend
the weekend with family that has one toddler. And
even though both parents are present the entire
time, Miss Wendy leaves the household utterly exhausted
from doing her one third share of caring for one
There is simply no
way for one mother to adequately care for fourteen
children, even with a lot of help. If you are a
single mother, the buck stops with you and that
means that there will always be a least one child
crying inconsolably 24 hours a day. How did this
woman forget one simple fact, small babies never
sleep for more than an hour or two in any one stretch
and they certainly never time their sleeping habits
with seven other babies, even if these babies are
their (beloved?) siblings. Living in the Suleman
household will be like living in a firehouse where
the siren never goes off - not much fun for the
mother and an utterly horrifying situation for the
fourteen children who will be expected to, in the
words of Topsy in Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle
Tom's Cabin, "Raise themselves."
And the doctors who
implanted all those embryos in the single mother
of six, obviously did not remember the Hippocratic
oath to, "First, do not harm."
So there, that's
my two cents.
P. S. Have you noticed
that no one is defending this woman's "choice"?
Even the right wing pro lifers aren't coming anywhere
near this story.
Miss Wendy to her readers: So here we go
again, Alex Rodriguez is reported to have taken
steroid five years ago. And there has been much
wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth about what
a travesty this is for the shining glory of baseball
not to mention what a foul example it is for the
children. Well, Miss Wendy is a bit cynical and
no more surprised and upset about this than I am
about the fact that most Hollywood starlets have
fake boobs. But then again, I am not a baseball
But the story that
no one is talking about is that the drug testing
back in 2003 was supposed to be a confidential,
no-penalty round of testing as stipulated by an
agreement between the owners and the player's union.
Now, I think that any kind of "confidential"
medical test should remain just that, "confidential."
After all, how would you feel if you were running
for public office and your confidential medical
records about how you had a crabs (Again!) was made
public and all anyone could talk about is how you
never should have had such a problem in the first
Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a "You
Got It Going Girl" Award to Miss Grace Jones
who is still rockin' it in her sixties. Grace is
a Jamaican born singer/model who lived in the world
of Warhol and Studio 54. Now this is a woman who
has a definite goal when she gets out of bed in
the morning. As Christian Siriano would say, "That
girl is fierce!"
Miss Wendy to her readers: There
is a fun article on MSNBC.com titled,
"10 peeks at sex in the wild." If
you are sitting home feeling sorry for yourself
because you are so broke you are not even interested
in sex anymore, read on and be grateful you are
not a penguin. And yes, it has come to this.
Do you have a Question
for Miss Wendy?
Email her at email@example.com
All of Miss Wendy's
old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section: