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Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

Click here for Miss Wendy's Latest Column

Yumi Katsura Backstage
Paris Fashion Week Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2009
Janury 27, 2009
Pixplanete / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is another photo from Paris Fashion Week that made me smile. The intense look on Ms. Katsura's face, the outrageous sleeves that are too opulent even for a Mother-of-the-bride from Texas, and the model changing clothes in the background.

When there is nothing but bad news on the financial front, it is nice to remember that there is another world.

Cengiz Abazoglu
Pixplanete / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a fun blast from across the pond - a model modeling an "evening gown" at the Cengiz Abazoglu Paris Haute Couture Fashion Week Show on January 26, 2009.

Is there a shortage of double-sided tape in France? If so-called "nice ladies" are going to wear outfits like this when they go out for the evening, how are porn stars supposed to make a living? Southern California simply cannot withstand another blow to their economy. .

Jessica Simpson
A. Gilbert / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Jessica Simpson is not fat, the word is voluptuous. And we are all going to continue to be a f__ked up nation until we quit dissing women for looking like women. And as for internet postings, I would like to propose one of Bill Maher's new rules: Everyone who posts a critical remark about someone else's body, is now required to post an authenticated photo of themselves wearing the same outfit. I have personally envisioned myself in the same outfit and all I have to say is, "Hey, Jessica, you're looking good girl!"

Dear Miss Wendy,

So what do you think about Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich being removed from office?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

Good riddance! But whatever are the 24 hour cable channels have to talk about now? Whatever you can say about Blagojevich's venality, he certainly was interesting. And I even learned how to spell his name.

And to paraphrase Blagojevich himself, "Honor is a f___king valuable thing and you shouldn't just give it away for nothing."

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is an utterly bizarre article on MSNBC.com titled, "Blowfish testicles poison 7 diners in Japan." According to the article, the whole debacle is blamed on an unlicensed chef who seemingly did not know how to properly prepare the poisonous fish.

Well, my goodness! When I leave for my final reward, I am utterly certain that my obituary will not state that I died from eating poorly prepared blowfish testicles.

Whatever happened to no thank you?

Dear Miss Wendy,

Do you have anything good to say about this economy?

Sincerely,

Raft Dweller

Dear Raft,

Not yet. But the world keeps turning on its axis and confidence will return.
Since economic growth depends on on consumer spending and people rarely change their true nature, we shall eventually get out from under our beds, hit the malls and turn this thing around.

And even if you are totally freaked out about what is going on, please don't forgo to get manicures. The ladies in the nail salons need you. You will feel better and they can feed their families.

Dear Miss Wendy,

Do you have any advice for people who are losing everything in this depression?

Sincerely,

Raft Dweller

Dear Raft,

Survive.

Two or three years from now this will all be over and forgotten; we are at the bottom of a cycle, a horrid cycle, but still a cycle. So keep on marching, be as honorable as you can be about your financial obligations and hold onto your family; good times will return. And when it is over, it would not hurt to adopt a little bit of our grandparents' depression era mentality. They all knew that prosperity could be fleeting and they never over-spent. Well, not all of them, but that is the myth. And everyday, even if it is just for a few minutes, be fabulous. Because even though hard work is the back bone of our society, imagination creates our future.

Lady GaGa
PR Photos

Here is a blast from across the pond: Check out this photo of the Lady Gaga making her rounds in London. Now here is a lady who definitely won't see herself across the room unless, of course, her fans adopt her look.

Dear Miss Wendy,

So what did you think about the outfit Michelle Obama wore to the inauguration?

Sincerely,

Fashionista

Dear Fashionista,

Well. Hmm. I think Michelle Obama always looks marvelous and Isabel Toledo, the designer who made the dress, is a favorite of mine. But having said that, I think the outfit was a miss. It was probably much prettier up close than it looked on television. There is a reason why Nancy Pelosi and Jill Biden wore brightly colored wool coats with simple lines When you are going to be photographed from a distance and made to look like a stick figure, it is better to keep it simple - think Queen Elizabeth in her jewel tones. The Queen never wear prints, texture or any other kind of embellishment that would look muddy on television.

Also, Toledo's designs always look best when they are on the "wrong person." There was a definite vintage look to Michelle's outfit; my mother wore a similar outfit to my first wedding. But just imagine Michelle's inaugural dress on a lanky teenager who is wearing James Dean glasses and has her hair in pig tails: Out goes the matron and in comes the camp.

Toledo is a designer you cannot take "straight up." She "tastes better" with a twist.

See my article about: The Couture Council's Artistry in Fashion Award Luncheon Honoring Isabel Toledo at the Rainbow Room on September 3, 2008.

The real fashion star of the Inauguration was Miss Aretha Franklin's hat. Now that was one for the history book. You go girl!

Madame Tussaud's Wax Figure Barack Obama
Anthony G. Moore / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy and her readers: Congratulations to Barack Obama on achieving the Presidency of the United States. And congratulation to us for having such a smart, calm man for President.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: We are all giddy with Inauguration fervor. Out with the old (and good riddance too) and in with the new! But here we are and still no announcement about the identity of the First Dog(s). Are we going to be forced to wait for the Inauguration Speech itself? Wouldn't a simple press conference and photo-op suffice?

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here's to you New York! We caught the ball yesterday when that US Airways jet "splash landed" in the Hudson. Many kudos to the pilot, Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger III , for performing beautifully under what must have been horrifying pressure. And also many kudos to all the boats which immediately came to the rescue of the freezing passengers. This is truly a moment to celebrate what was, in the words of Governor David Patterson, "a miracle on the Hudson." In the words of the rabbi in Woody Allen's masterpiece Crimes and Misdeameanors, "Sometimes, the best plan is just to have a little luck."

And P. S. to the tabloid press (it ain't us baby): Please don't run out and try to find some dirt on pilot Sullenberger. I don't want to know if he was ever ugly to his brother or if he hired undocumented workers. Just let us enjoy this mythological story of heroism. Because if we ever, in the lyrics of Meatloaf, "need a hero," it is now.

Jennifer Garner
Photo Credit PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Ben Afleck and Jennifer Garner (they are married) have just welcomed their second daughter into the world. And according to People Magazine, they have named the new baby, Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck. Now this child will undoubtedly be blessed in both the financial and looks department, but she still has to eventually attend Junior High where she will be surrounded by the mini-monsters of the Western world, "eight grade girls." Now these "eight grade girls" will probably be gunning for little Seraphina anyway, simply becuase she is good looking and rich, but they will have extra ammunition supplied by little Seraphina's doting parents' choice of a moniker.

Before parents name their children, they should ask for advice from a shy-but-nice girl in the eighth grade.

Dear Miss Wendy,

So what are you going to wear on Inauguration night?

Sincerely,

Political Maven

Dear Mavis,

Pajamas and an aura of hope.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is an article on Newsweek.com about the dilemma Obama faces when (if) he abolishes the gays in the military policy of "Don't ask, don't tell." Now "don't ask don't tell" always seemed like a silly policy to me, similar to asking the brown eyed recruits to "always" wear blue tinted contact lenses. According to the article, one of the main holdbacks is that, "straight servicemen and women won't want to shower with gay recruits."

Well! I have always been totally perplexed why in the hell would a military that is so opposed to gay recruits build communal showers (which are about as gay as you can get) for their recruits in the first place. Here is a quick "Earth to Generals" call out: Straight servicemen and women don't want to shower with each other, gay or straight, period. They are grown men and women, so install some more shower heads and some Army drab shower curtains and stop this craziness already.

And a military that is starving for recruits should certainly be able to retrofit the bathrooms. And who knows, maybe supplying more civilized bathrooms will enable the military to not only recruit new gay recruits, but also to increase their recruitment of straight recruits who maybe did not want to join the military because of the gross communal showers. And before you pooh pooh that, think: Do you want to shower with a bunch of strangers? If the answer is yes, I seriously doubt that you would also want to join the military.

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Joe, the plumber who was not really a plumber, has made it official that he is a poser who does not know his 15 minutes are over (MSNBC.com). He is heading to Israel to be a "war correspondent" for a right-wing website. Joe states that he is going to talk to "average joes." Oy vay!

From Miss Wendy to her readers: According to CNN.com, Laura Bush has struck a deal to write her memoirs in which she promises to reveal "intimate details." To which idea, we at New York Cool reply, "Please don't. We don't think we can bear it."

Dear Miss Wendy,

Well, it's that time of the year again - time to join the gym and take off what-needs-taking off? Do you have any suggestions?

Sincerely yours,

Slightly Zaftig

Dear Zaftig,

Yup. Visit as many gyms as you can and join the one that has the most-people-just-like-you (beautiful people? slubs?) that is closest-to-your-home. If you want to make friends/meet someone, work out with weights at the same time each day and ask questions of the other weight lifters. Or join some kind of team (coed volley ball?) or water aerobics class. Yoga, aerobics and Pilates are great for your body, but you can only fix your soul, not meet a soul. The instructors will shush you if you talk. And exercise bikes, treadmills and ellipticals are populated by exercise fiends with Ipod buds stuck in their ears who won't even hear your best pick up lines.

Do you have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at wendy@newyorkcool.com

All of Miss Wendy's old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section:

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/December/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/November/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/October/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/September/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/August/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/July/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/June/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/May/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/April/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/March/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/February/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/January/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2007/December/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2007/November/ask.html