Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy
R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher
Beat Goes On: A fifty-one-year-old Indiana
man has been arrested for visiting his in laws'
grave in the nude (MSNBC.com).
He told the arresting officer that he took off his
clothes in his truck because his underwear was wet
after "golfing all day" and he then got
out of his truck at the cemetery because he did
not have his glasses with him and could not see
the flowers on his in laws' grave. Sigmund Freud
died too soon.
My Oh My: According to MSNBC.com,
five "other" runners have been gored by
bulls during the "Running of the Bulls"
in Pamplona, Italy (one runner died two days ago).
Now I have always said that a walking-talking-grown-up-man
is a miracle of nature - you are looking at a boy
who did not die from riding his bicycle off the
side of a cliff or some other such shenanigans.
But running with bulls! You never see any WOMEN
running with the bulls other than the human ones
in the workplaces and bars of life.
tip for women: If you meet a man who tells
you that he just got back from the "Running
of the Bulls" and he asks you out, say no.
Tell him that it is better for the future of mankind
if he never breeds and you are going to do your
part to ensure that never happens. So there.
Gossip Girl Filming in Soho, New York on
July 9, 2009
Janet Mayer / PR Photos
The Beat Goes
On: Here is a shout
out to the fashion designers for Gossip
Girl who picked the perfect purse to go
with Jessica Szohr's legs. Bravo for your victory
in the fashion wars!
Ashton Kutcher and Demi
Sean "Diddy" Combs, Ashton Kutcher and
Malaria No More
Host the Annual White Party
Beverly Hills, CA, USA
July 4, 2009
Chris Hatcher / PR Photos
Here is a You
Got It Going Girl Award to Miss Demi Moore
(AKA Mrs. Ashton Kutcher). Demi is simply amazing
at being amazing. And being married to Ashton Kucher
is the cherry topping that tarts up her life.
Look at the
dress, look at the husband. Could life get any better?
Beat Goes On: Here is a I Gotta Pile
On I Just Gotta Pile On Award to New York Congressman
Peter King for calling Michael Jackson a "low-life"
when the guy just died and isn't even in the ground
yet. It's official Congressman King: your bottom
is on top of the pile and in a perfect position
to be spanked by those in your constituency who
don't believe in speaking ill of the dead.
Governor Sarah Palin Campaigning
Beat Goes On: Today is designated a National
Day of Thankgiving so Senator Ensign of Nevada and
Governor Sanford of South Carolina can sincerely
thank Sarah Palin for becoming their decoy dog by
resigning and therefore bumping their sorry-assed-tales
off the 24 hour news channels.
Beat Goes On: Today Sarah Palin announced
to an utterly speechless nation that she is resigning
from her job as Governor of Alaska. Immediately
all the political wags started to wag; what is she
doing and why? Well the simplest explanation is
that she got a better offer, perhaps a talk show
on h'm......Fox And Palin has three school age children
who need to be enrolled in schools this fall, so
if she is going to move, she needs to do it in the
The likely impetus
for the resignation (and the possible Fox job) is
that Palin was exposed to the glamour of the Republican
world (the rich kid's playground) during the Presidential
campaign and now she wants to see more. Alaska most
have been a real let down after the rush of the
campaign with its stays in four star hotels, trips
to Neimans and Saks, make up artists, hair stylists
Being governor of Alaska pays $125,000 and Palin
is a lady with five kids who now has a Saks habit.
You do the math.
Public Enemies UK Premiere / London, UK
Solarpix / PR Photos
Here is one of Miss
Wendy's You Got it Going Girl (Guy) Awards
to Mr. Johnny Depp who is just about the coolest
dude walking this planet. Depp is starring in the
Public Enemies, the story of John Dillinger.
The Beat Goes On:
Okay! Okay! Governor Mark
Sanford needs to resign and no, it is not because
he was unfaithful to his wife, that would be silly;
he need to resign because he is terminally stupid.
In press interviews, Sanford has stated that he
has crossed the line with more women but has only
had an affair with his Argentine love - I guess
he means water cooler groping at work or perhaps
lap dances while supposedly on hunting trips with
the boys. But that is NOT why he needs to resign
(although, the good citizens of South Carolina should
feel free to disagree). This terminally stupid (or
brain-tumored) man said this in an interview (see
"During more than three hours of interviews
over two days at his Statehouse office, Sanford
said he is trying to fall back in love with his
wife, Jenny, even as he grapples with his deep feelings
for Chapur." Anyone who would tell the press
that he is "trying to fall back in love with
his wife" (the mother of his four children)
is "too dumb to come in from the rain"
and beyond redemption.
2009 MuchMusic Video Awards / Toronto, Canada
June 21, 2009
Robin Wong / PR Photos
The Beat Goes On:
Miss Wendy does not do "Whatever Was She Thinking?"
bits but nevertheless - "Whatever Was Fergie
Thinking - Did She Dress In the Dark?" Such
a pretty woman, such a horrid dress!
If you take a photograph of someone, you change
them. When aborigines stopped to pose for a camera,
they were different afterwards; they knew something
they did not know before - people like to watch.
Michael Jackson and
Britney Spears are both examples of celebrities
who were/have been looked at their entire lives,
starting when they were so young they did not have
the capacity to consent. And their lives played
out much differently than that of Madonna, who made
the decision to dive into the bowl as a young woman.
We all have different
personas for different situations - we act differently
when we are at work then we do at home for one example.
So imagine what is must be like to live your life
in a fishbowl with the the constant pressure to
be "worth looking at." It is crazy making.
Like child stars,
the wives and children of politicians are also dumped
into a fish bowl without without their "informed
consent." In the first act of their new fish-bowl-lives,
they are expected to behave themselves as though
they were members of the British royal family and
needed to model proper behavior for the masses.
And then if the person who dumped them into the
fish bowl in the first place misbehaves, they are
left to act out Nathaniel Hawthorne's
Scarlet Letter, becoming little Pearls
(Hester Prynne's illegitimate daughter) for a tabloid
It is widely reported
that George Bush's daughters begged him to not run
for President because they were about to start college
and did not want to be in the public eye. But he
did and then when the girls had the usual college
craziness of underage drinking (something every
college freshman does), they were always reported
to the law because it made fodder for the tabloids.
Two obviously nice young ladies were now playing
unpaid roles as Girls Gone Wild. A college
freshman has a fake ID. Shocking! Shocking!
And that brings me
to Governor Mark Sanford and his recent shenanigans.
Now Sanford is a man who climbed on up on a pedestal
and pontificated about the then President Clinton,
“The bottom line is that he lied under a different
oath -the oath to his wife.” — Republican
Congressman Marshall Clement “Mark”
Sanford on politics and the sanctity of marriage,
1998. Sanford has four sons and a wife who
have now been humiliated publicly through no fault
of their own. They were hostages in his "pride
cometh before a fall" drama. His four sons
will now have to navigate life as the sons of an
eccentric hypocritical fool. But many hurrahs go
out to Mrs. Sanford for not standing next to her
hound dog husband while he held his "mea culpa"
Farah Fawcett Pinup 1976
March 5, 2009
The Beat Goes
On: The heaven of
our minds and hearts is a little brighter today
with the arrival of two iconic stars - Farah Fawcett
and Michael Jackson who both died on Thursday, June
25, 2009. We who are still walking on the earth
are grateful for the incredible show you gave us.
Rest in peace!
The Beat Goes On:
Shakespeare is alive and
well and living in the Governor's mansion in South
Carolina. Governor Mark Sanford had seemingly just
"disappeared" after fighting a losing
battle to prevent his state from taking Federal
stimulus funds, a fight that made both the Democrats
and Republicans lawmakers of South Carolina utterly
furious with him. So...it turns out that Sanford
(the married father of four) had gone to Buenos
Aires in search of a personal stimulus, a visit
with his Argentinean mistress. And someone has managed
to hack his salacious emails to "Maria;"
they are all over the news for everyone to enjoy.
All these shenanigans come from a man who, when
he was a United States congressman, self righteously
voted to impeach Clinton. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
The real problem
with hypocritical hound dogs like Governor Sanford,
Senator Ensign and former Governor Spitzer, is that
they take hostages - their families. When people
run for public office, they dump their families
into a fish bowl, with our without their informed
consent. And when men f**K up, as alpha males tend
to do (so far none of these stories have been about
female politicians), from then on your wronged wife
and embarrassed children are forced to navigate
their lives accompanied by a Greek chorus of sniggers.
There is almost nothing we
can do to help the people of Iran except watch in
horror as peaceful demonstrators are met with brutality.
But we can wear green scarves (and no I don't mean
around your head) or green wrist bands. Pass it
Dear Miss Wendy,
Is it harder to find
a mate in Manhattan than in other cities in the
Dear Miss Wendy Again,
Okay. So...why is
it so hard to find a mate in Manhattan?
Most of the people
you meet in Manhattan are not natives. They deliberate
moved here with a purpose (why would you live in
an East Village starter apartment without a burning
desire for something) and very few of these purposes
involve getting married and settling down. So all
the alpha males and alpha women and the actors,
models and gurus are intersted in sex, but unless
you can help their careers (you are rich man with
little class and she is a model or you are a wall
street giant and she is classy Princeton educated
arm candy), they are not interested in anyone other
than the "royal me" for the long term.
Sacha Baron Cohen and Posse
Bruno Paris Premiere
Publicis Champs Elysees / Paris, France
June 15, 2009
Pixplanete / PR Photos
Sacha Baron Cohen and Posse
Bruno United Kingdom Premiere
Empire Leicester Square / London, UK
June 17, 2009
Solarpix / PR Photos
Beat Goes On: We are
about to be Bruno-tized when Sasha Baron
Cohen's new film, Bruno opens in New York
City on July 10, 2009. If Cohen's last film Borat
is an indicator, this film promises to be totally
offensive and incredibly funny. But the real question
I have is - just how painful was Cohen's wax job
(he was incredibly hairy in Borat) and
did he have the courage to go all the way and have
a full body wax? If the nudity level of Bruno
is the same as it was for Borat, we may
soon find out.
P. S. There are stories
in the news about how gays in Hollywood are finding
even the idea of Cohen playing a gay character to
be offensive. We will know that gay rights have
finally been accepted as mainstream when anyone
(including gays) can play flamers and have it be
perceived as the the outrageous fun that flaming
can be. After all, why should gays be the only ones
who are allowed to have fun being gay?
Talk: Here is a heart felt endorsement of
the Iranian people as they stand up for their rights
and protest their recent Presidential election.
Watching the videos of the silent march of hundreds
of thousand of protestors in Tehran touches my heart.
But even though we are all hoping for another "tearing
down of the Berlin wall," I completely endorse
President Obama's hands-off approach of stating
(paraphrasing) that we support the rights of people
to have free and fair elections but choosing not
to meddle in Iran's political affairs. This situation
is similar to one where a relative and spouse decide
to divorce. If you pick a side, they will undoubtedly
reconcile and then be mad at you for "those
things you said." So here is a toast
to the Iranian people - Good Luck and Go With God!
We wish you the best.
Republican Senator Ensign of Nevada (with the required
hand-wringing and gnashing-of-teeth) has admitted
to an extra-marital affair. Now here is some fresh
meat for the tabloids now that Letterman has apologized
to Palin. (Reality check, I am writing
about it). But regardless of how much fun this is,
the affair is really no one's business except Senator
Ensign's wife who has been publicly humiliated by
her hound dog of a husband. When will we realize
that the majority of married men stray and that
is doubly true for the alpha males in our Senate,
even (perhaps especially) the hypocritical ones
who make a point of pontificating when others are
embarrassed in public - Ensign "figuratively"
piled on when Senator Larry Craig was ambushed by
that silly cop in the Minneapolis airport restroom.
We act so shocked,
but we are hypocrites too. Every woman I know has
a least two friends whose husbands have strayed
even if her own husband's hunting dog instincts
have been quashed. Fifty percent of all marriages
end in divorce so just what do people think happened
to Daddy and/or Mommy? Doesn't anyone listen
to the lyrics of country songs?
Senator Ensign must
be very grateful for the Iran's election mess which
will hopefully (for him) seriously limit the time
the 24 hour news channels can spend spanking him.
P. S. Does anyone
in their right mind believe that 63.2% of Iran's
voters would choose a nut job like Ahmadinejad?
This smells so funny no one will eat it.
Note to David Letterman (6/16/2009): Sarah
Palin did not really want you to deliver a heart
felt apology last night. This mishegas would have
been worth at least another two weeks of free publicity
or it most certainly would would have played until
some else happened. (The media tiger is always hungry
for fresh meat.)
And hey, if anyone
wants to feud with me - Bring It One!
Solarpix / PR Photos
Here is one of Miss
Wendy's You Got It Going Girl Awards to
Miss Katie Perry. Perry manages to rock the world
while looking both funny and fun.
Ed Helms in The Hangover
I just saw The Hangover
(director Todd Phillips). The film is totally gross
(think American Pie) and incredibly fun.
The film boasts a clever well written script (Jon
Lucas and Scott Moore). According to media reports,
The Hangover had the third highest opening
weekend receipt for an R rated comedy.
Looking at all the
people in my "front-row-is-filled" audience,
all of whom were busting their guts laughing, I
thought: Just what has happened to the so-called
middle America, the home of Republican values and
Sara Palin lovers? Do they exist are or we actually
more like the French with their anything-goes view
majority" fringe group is joined in their no-longer-majority
voting bloc by a quickly shrinking group of hypocrites
(who love films like The Hangover) but
vote Republican because they believe a Republican
administration won't force them to pay the nation's
bills. (They were right. We are deeply in debt after
the last "pass the bill down the table"
Republican administration. We are so heavily in
debt to the Chinese, they practically own us).
When will we acknowledge
that most Americans are in the middle on almost
everything and that is why Barack Obama (a centrist
Democrat) was elected and Republicans like former-Republican-now-independent
Mayor Mike Bloomberg or former-Republican Governor
Pataki are squarely in the middle of our national
psyche. Both Bloomberg and Pataki are New Yorkers
who espouse liberal social values, but who also
implemented strong fiscal policies; they believe
in keeping the trains running on time. Good responsible
government and liberal social values - this is where
most Americans live and laugh uproariously at movies
like The Hangover.
Governor Sarah Palin
© Janet Mayer / PR Photos
Beat Goes On: Congratulations are in order
for both Dave Letterman and Sarah Palin for creating
a new feud which is generating sh*tload of free
publicity for both of them (see MSNBC.com).
Hey, that joke was really tasteless but both of
Palin's daughters survived childhood's boot camp,
Junior High, and I bet they can both take it and
dish it out, as can their Mama. As Donald and Rosie
and Perez and Carrie Prejean have amply demonstrated,
why pay a publicist when staging a cat fight is
And thank you, thank
you Governor Palin for continuing to supply fresh
meat for this column.
Sophia Hyatt and Friend
Polo in the Park World Polo Series - Day 1
The Hurlingham Club / Fulham, Central London, UK
June 5, 2009
Solarpix / PR Photos
Here is a fun photo
that just flew across the pond: Miss
Sophia Hyatt (she is a Paris-Hilton-type London
socialite) went all out (and up and sideways) with
her hat selection when she attended Polo in the
Park. Just what is it with the English and their
hats? This creation could very well have scared
Oh my oh my:
Blouder, Colorado has a problem
with two nudists (MSNBC.com).
A couple in their late fifties insist on gardening
in the nude (except for a thong for him and a thong
and pasties for her). Double yuck and enough is
enough! If either of those gardeners is a member
of Congress, they should be censured immediately.
And just where are those Catholic school nuns when
you really need them?
And the beat
goes on: Actor
David Carradine has died under mysterious and
embarrassing circumstances. He was discovered in
a hotel room closet in Thailand with a rope around
his neck and genitals - circumstances similar to
what happened to INXS's
Michael Hutchence. Carradine is dead and gone
and may he rest in peace, but he left a lot of friends
and family on this earth. Who knows what really
happened and I certainly hope for his family's sake
that there was no one else involved and this story
(if not Carradine) will die a natural death. But
we can all use this sad tale to remind ourselves
to think ahead before "tying one on."
No one wants people sniggering at his or her funeral.
Just thought I would mention it.
But what are
they going to tell the little Baptist children in
Waco, Texas? There
is a story on MSNBC.com
titled "Gay penguin pair raising chick - Males
incubated abandoned egg for a month and continue
to care for chick." So two penguins in Berlin,
Germany have "chosen the homosexual lifestyle"
and are not only living together but have adopted
a foundling. If anyone still thinks that being homosexual
is a choice and not just another variation of mankind
like blue eyed blondes, I suggest a trip to the
And I don't want to hear any snide jokes about penguins
looking gay anyway. Anyone who watched Borat:
Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious
Nation of Kazakhstan knows that it is the
giraffes who look gay.
Do you have a Question
for Miss Wendy?
Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org
All of Miss Wendy's
old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section: