New York Cool - Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice

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Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

And the Beat Goes On: There is an article in MSNBC.com titled Wal-Mart to create 22,000 jobs in 2009. I saw that and thought: "Yikes, is this where the economy is recovering? Are we all going to both shop and WORK at Wal-Mart?" But then I thought, with its new $4 generic prescription drug plan, Wal-Mart is on the cusp of innovation and may change America as much as one of the Steves. But nevertheless, if you are a new Steve and have an idea like Microsoft or the Apple Iphone, please keep on working. Our country needs you.

Paris Hilton at the FIFI Awards
May 27, 2009
Sylvain Gaboury / PR Photos

Here is one of Miss Wendy's You Got It Going Girl Awards to Miss Paris Hilton. Miss Hilton is a magician has turned nothing into something; every night she gilds her lily and suits up to hit the red carpet. It's Paris Hilton and Visa - everywhere you want to be....or maybe not.

Susan Boyle
Photo Courtesy of Britain's Got Talent

And the beat goes on: The winner has been declared in "Britain's Got Talent" and it is not Susan Boyle, the frumpy singer with the amazing voice, but rather a dance troupe named Diversity. (Hooray for Diversity, but just who the hell are they?) But in a testament to both Ms. Boyle's talent and the amazing amount of publicity she received for being both incredibly talented and desperately in need of a makeover, all the headlines read "Susan Boyle Loses First Place." Ms. Boyle has basically "Carrie Prejeaned" the contest (do you know the name of girl who won Miss USA?), but this time all the publicity is deserved. You go girl and I am going to buy your next CD.

Dear Miss Wendy,

I saw your answer about what everyone should do if gay marriage is allowed again in California, but how does someone freshen up a tux?

Sincerely,

Chelsea Charlie

Dear Charlie,

Polish your shoes then buy a new cummerbund, a new pleated shirt and some tooth whitening trays.

Dear Miss Wendy,

What should the good citizens of California do if pro-gay-marriage activists overturn Proposition 8 and make gay marriage legal again?

Sincerely,

Lalalala

Dear Lala,

Freshen up their tuxes, buy new frocks and stock up on silver chafing dishes.

The Beat Goes On: The California Supreme Court has decided to not overturn Proposition 8, the California law that outlawed gay marriage. Gay activist are planning a new ballot initiatives to outlaw Proposition 8 and I truly hope they succeed.

There's a funny thing about change. People are always afraid beforehand, but after a societal change for the good (intergration, women's rights)has taken place, no one but a few hard asses can recall just what that carrying on was all about? One day gay marriage will be just as commonplace as multiple divorces (see Congressional Republicans), mixed race marriages, unwed mothers with bevies of children (Angelina, Octomom). All these were shocking ideas at one time. But now, who cares? Pass the biscuits and gravy and let's get on with life.

Sasha Grey in Steven Soderberg's The Girlfriend Experience

The Beat Goes On: There is an article on MSNBC.com about how being a porn star no longer disqualifies an "actor" from a career in mainstream film (example: porn starlet Sasha Gray in Stephen Soderberg's The Girlfriend Experience). Now, steering you to this article should in no way be interpreted as Miss Wendy's endorsement of the amateur self-starring porn flicks so many of our enterprising teenagers are producing and then distributing with their cell phones. Anyone who produces such a flick will have "trouble in River City." Because, even if you don't live in Pennsylvania where backwards-ass prosecutors are prosecuting teens for producing child porn when they only sent nude photos of themselves to their friends), you will eventually grow up and become embarrassed. Even if you don't think you will ever want to be a Republican yourself, starring in a amateur porn flick is a sure fire formula to turn your future children into bible thumping Lindsey Grahams. And your family reunions will be ruined forever.

Kelly Ripa
69th Annual American Ballet Theatre Spring Gala
Metropolitan Opera House / New York City
May 18, 2009
Janet Mayer / PR Photos

Here is one of Miss Wendy's You Got It Going Girl Awards for Miss Kelly Ripa. Kelly is an energizer bunny. She is married, has three children, stars in a morning TV show (Regis and Kelly) and still manages to turn up for all the red carpets. You might say, "So, what? She's rich, she's beautiful! For her, it's not so hard." Well, Miss Wendy is from the south and she knows there is no such thing as natural beauty (Dolly Parton's character in Steel Magnolias). Looking good is hard work. So here's to you Kelly! Keep on making us lesser mortals feel guilty!

From Miss Wendy to her readers: At night when I am writing this column, sometimes half my brain is watching reruns of CSI Miami (please do not write to say that you have noticed the half brain bit). Now CSI Miami is an utterly bizarre show with Horatio's speech patterns and his sunglass fetish. But that does not matter because I like the show anyway. The thing that really does bug me is why in the hell are Horatio and Caleigh dressed in head-to-toe-black? Miami is hotter than hell. Now I don't think the show should be costumed like a reincarnation of Bay Watch, but surely the costume designers have been to Miami and noticed the weather.

Anyway, I just thought I would mention it.

From the Tabloids: Just when you thought that those Academy Award girls had finally hauled Carrie Prejean (Miss California in the Miss USA contest) and her I-want-to-marry-a-man-not-a-woman-stance off the stage, Sarah Palin has grabbed her hand and run into center stage. Palin has gone on the record as supporting Prejean and stating that Prejean is the victim of the liberal media.

Say what? If there were no media, liberal or not, neither Prejean or Palin would have ever achieved their fifteen minutes of fame. So both Prejean and Palin should be thanking the liberal media and asking: "I am ready to make a buffoon of myself again, are your cameras on?"

For blow by blow coverage, log onto MSNBC.com.

From the Tabloids: It's time for Miss Wendy to chime in on the Jon and Kate Plus 8 brouhaha. In case you have been living under a rock or became stuck in a lotus pose the last time you visited your ashram, Jon and Kate are stars of a reality show on The Learning Channel. And the plus 8 in the title are their set of twins plus their sextuplets. And the scandal that is fueling the tabloids is that Jon may have let off a little steam with a (female) school teacher and Kate might have eyes for the bodyguard.

Puhlease! Leave those poor people alone. Any married couple with even one small child knows this ugly truth - as soon as you have children, you quit having sex. The precious little darling don't sleep, so you don't sleep and you are always exhausted and you start eat too much and then you get fat and cranky and only want to watch mindless reality shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8.

Can you imagine what it must be like to live in a household with eight children under the age of six plus a full time TV crew? So, whatever happened with the school teacher and/or the bodyguard: Get over it already.

Because no matter how hard you try to stomp nature into the ground, it always outs.

And the beat goes on: There is wonderful news! Miss California, Carrie Prejean, can keep her crown. After a thorough perusal of the evidence, Miss Universe pageant owner, Donald Trump, held a press conference to announce that Miss California's semi-nude photos are tasteful. I am so relieved; the suspense has been unrelenting. So, would the three of you (Miss Prejean, Perez Hilton and Donald Trump) please take your bows and leave the stage?

From Miss Wendy to her readers: There is a list of the best and worst cities for your hair on MSNBC.com and surprise, surprise: New York is on the list as one of the best. Granted, it is number 6, but it is definitely not the last city on the worst list, which is probably where it belongs. These list makers were obviously either non-New Yorkers and/or men. New York is wonderful in many ways, but not for what happens to your hair. And the problem is this - public transportation.

There are wide varieties of weather in New York City (most of them wet), but whatever the weather is, unless you are rich and hire a limousine service to pick you up in an underground parking garage and deliver you under a canopy, you and your hair will be subjected to whatever-the-weather-happens-to-be as you run many blocks to the subway or stand waiting for the bus. If you don't live here, you might say, "Well, what about those little yellow cars you see everywhere?" Well, if it is raining outside, there is always someone in them already and you will be stuck standing outside in the rain for 20 minutes before you can hail an empty taxi.

So here's to New York, we love you. But you never should have nominated yourself as a good hair city. So there.

P. S. If you have ever wondered why there are so many good looking Japanese women in New York City, it is because their hair thrives here. They have beautiful thick STRAIIGHT hair and they look wonderful regardless of the humidity or torrential rain.

P.P. S. Hermes was given a second life when Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis moved to New York City. You never saw Onassis in the city without a scarf on her hair and that was not some sort of I-think-I-am-Queen-Elizabeth fashion statement, she either wore a scarf or risked looking like Albert Einstein.

P. P. P. S. Gloria Steinem does not style her hair. New York City does it for her as it does it for me.

Madonna
Janet Mayer / PR Photos

From Miss Wendy to her readers: Here is a fun image of Madonna at the
"The Model as Muse: Embodying Fashion" Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 4, 2009. Now you might ask yourself, "Whatever was she thinking?" Well....she was probably thinking that she was going march down that red carpet and all the bitches behind the rope would take her photo and all the media sluts would run it. And she was right. Game, set, match, Madonna.

And the beat goes on: There is a fun brouhaha from the Miss Usa Pageant that simply won't go away. Trash columnist and Miss USA judge Perez Hilton asked Miss California, Carrie Prejean, a question during the pageant about what she thought about gay marriage. Miss Prejean answered, stating that she was glad she lived in a country where people can choose, but she personally believes that a marriage should be between a man in a woman. Then all hell broke lose: Perez Hilton called her an expletive on national TV; some strange group called the National Organization for Marriage made Prejean their spokesperson; and the required near-nude photos of Miss Prejean miraculously appeared right on cue. Pageant officials are "stunned, stunned" by these racy photos. And every night on cable news, we are regaled with pundits talking and talking and talking about this most welcomed controversy.

Now, a less cynical soul might say: "So what? Since Miss Prejean thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman, she should marry a man. And so should Perez Hilton, if he can find a man who would have him." But this would be missing the point. Both Miss Prejean and Perez Hilton have ridden this controversy horse to fame. After all, had you really heard of either of them before this? And who ever pays attention to the runner up in the Miss USA Pageant? For that matter, who ever pays attention to the winner of the Miss USA Pageant? And Perez Hilton - say what?

Bravo! Bravo! to both Miss Prejean and Perez Hilton for winning the Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump Celebrity Feud Cup. Now please take your bows and get off the stage. Just where are those Academy Award girls when you really need them?

Here is a silly bit to brighten your day:

Miss Wendy's Recession Tea:

Brew a pot of green tea, pour into a jar and refrigerate. Fill a glass with ice and pour in the green tea to about 3/4th full. Add orange juice to top to sweeten.

If you live on Long Island, you can add vodka, thus creating the first Long Island Iced Tea made with actual tea.

Do you have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at wendy@newyorkcool.com

All of Miss Wendy's old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section:

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/April/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/March/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/February/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/January/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/December/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/November/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/October/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/September/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/August/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/July/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/June/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2008/May/ask.html