Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy
R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher
And the Beat
Goes On: There is
an article in MSNBC.com
titled Wal-Mart to create 22,000 jobs in 2009.
I saw that and thought: "Yikes, is this where
the economy is recovering? Are we all going to both
shop and WORK at Wal-Mart?" But then I thought,
with its new $4 generic prescription drug plan,
Wal-Mart is on the cusp of innovation and may change
America as much as one of the Steves. But nevertheless,
if you are a new Steve and have an idea like Microsoft
or the Apple Iphone, please keep on working. Our
country needs you.
Paris Hilton at the FIFI
May 27, 2009
Sylvain Gaboury / PR Photos
Here is one of Miss
Wendy's You Got It Going
Girl Awards to Miss Paris Hilton. Miss
Hilton is a magician has turned nothing into something;
every night she gilds her lily and suits up to hit
the red carpet. It's Paris Hilton and Visa - everywhere
you want to be....or maybe not.
Photo Courtesy of Britain's Got Talent
And the beat goes
on: The winner has been declared
in "Britain's Got Talent" and it is not
Susan Boyle, the frumpy singer with the amazing
voice, but rather a dance troupe named Diversity.
(Hooray for Diversity, but just who the hell are
they?) But in a testament to both Ms. Boyle's talent
and the amazing amount of publicity she received
for being both incredibly talented and desperately
in need of a makeover, all the headlines read "Susan
Boyle Loses First Place." Ms. Boyle has basically
"Carrie Prejeaned" the contest (do you
know the name of girl who won Miss USA?), but this
time all the publicity is deserved. You go girl
and I am going to buy your next CD.
Dear Miss Wendy,
I saw your answer
about what everyone should do if gay marriage is
allowed again in California, but how does someone
freshen up a tux?
Polish your shoes
then buy a new cummerbund, a new pleated shirt and
some tooth whitening trays.
Dear Miss Wendy,
What should the good
citizens of California do if pro-gay-marriage activists
overturn Proposition 8 and make gay marriage legal
Freshen up their
tuxes, buy new frocks and stock up on silver chafing
The Beat Goes On:
The California Supreme Court
has decided to not overturn Proposition 8, the California
law that outlawed gay marriage. Gay activist are
planning a new ballot initiatives to outlaw Proposition
8 and I truly hope they succeed.
a funny thing about change. People are always afraid
beforehand, but after a societal change for the
good (intergration, women's rights)has taken place,
no one but a few hard asses can recall just what
that carrying on was all about? One day gay marriage
will be just as commonplace as multiple divorces
(see Congressional Republicans), mixed race marriages,
unwed mothers with bevies of children (Angelina,
Octomom). All these were shocking ideas at one time.
But now, who cares? Pass the biscuits and gravy
and let's get on with life.
Sasha Grey in Steven Soderberg's
The Girlfriend Experience
Beat Goes On: There is an article on MSNBC.com
about how being a porn star no longer disqualifies
an "actor" from a career in mainstream
film (example: porn starlet Sasha Gray in Stephen
Girlfriend Experience). Now, steering you
to this article should in no way be interpreted
as Miss Wendy's endorsement of the amateur self-starring
porn flicks so many of our enterprising teenagers
are producing and then distributing with their cell
phones. Anyone who produces such a flick will have
"trouble in River City." Because, even
if you don't live in Pennsylvania where backwards-ass
prosecutors are prosecuting teens for producing
child porn when they only sent nude photos of themselves
to their friends), you will eventually grow up and
become embarrassed. Even if you don't think you
will ever want to be a Republican yourself, starring
in a amateur porn flick is a sure fire formula to
turn your future children into bible thumping Lindsey
Grahams. And your family reunions will be ruined
69th Annual American Ballet Theatre Spring Gala
Metropolitan Opera House / New York City
May 18, 2009
Janet Mayer / PR Photos
Here is one of Miss
Wendy's You Got It Going Girl Awards for
Miss Kelly Ripa. Kelly is an energizer bunny. She
is married, has three children, stars in a morning
TV show (Regis and Kelly) and still manages
to turn up for all the red carpets. You might say,
"So, what? She's rich, she's beautiful! For
her, it's not so hard." Well, Miss Wendy is
from the south and she knows there is no such thing
as natural beauty (Dolly Parton's character in
Steel Magnolias). Looking good is hard work.
So here's to you Kelly! Keep on making us lesser
mortals feel guilty!
Miss Wendy to her readers: At
night when I am writing this column, sometimes half
my brain is watching reruns of CSI
Miami (please do not write to say that
you have noticed the half brain bit). Now CSI
Miami is an utterly bizarre show with Horatio's
speech patterns and his sunglass fetish. But that
does not matter because I like the show anyway.
The thing that really does bug me is why in the
hell are Horatio and Caleigh dressed in head-to-toe-black?
Miami is hotter than hell. Now I don't think the
show should be costumed like a reincarnation
of Bay Watch, but surely the costume designers
have been to Miami and noticed the weather.
Anyway, I just thought
I would mention it.
the Tabloids: Just when you thought that
those Academy Award girls had finally hauled Carrie
Prejean (Miss California in the Miss USA contest)
and her I-want-to-marry-a-man-not-a-woman-stance
off the stage, Sarah Palin has grabbed her hand
and run into center stage. Palin has gone on the
record as supporting Prejean and stating that Prejean
is the victim of the liberal media.
Say what? If there were no media, liberal or not,
neither Prejean or Palin would have ever achieved
their fifteen minutes of fame. So both Prejean and
Palin should be thanking the liberal media and asking:
"I am ready to make a buffoon of myself again,
are your cameras on?"
For blow by blow coverage, log onto MSNBC.com.
From the Tabloids:
It's time for Miss Wendy
to chime in on the Jon
and Kate Plus 8 brouhaha. In case you have
been living under a rock or became stuck in a lotus
pose the last time you visited your ashram, Jon
and Kate are stars of a reality show on The Learning
Channel. And the plus 8 in the title are their set
of twins plus their sextuplets. And the scandal
that is fueling the tabloids is that Jon may have
let off a little steam with a (female) school teacher
and Kate might have eyes for the bodyguard.
Puhlease! Leave those
poor people alone. Any married couple with even
one small child knows this ugly truth - as soon
as you have children, you quit having sex. The precious
little darling don't sleep, so you don't sleep and
you are always exhausted and you start eat too much
and then you get fat and cranky and only want to
watch mindless reality shows like Jon and Kate
Can you imagine
what it must be like to live in a household with
eight children under the age of six plus a full
time TV crew? So, whatever happened with the school
teacher and/or the bodyguard: Get over it already.
Because no matter
how hard you try to stomp nature into the ground,
it always outs.
And the beat goes on:
There is wonderful news!
Miss California, Carrie Prejean, can keep her crown.
After a thorough perusal of the evidence, Miss Universe
pageant owner, Donald Trump, held a press conference
to announce that Miss California's semi-nude photos
are tasteful. I am so relieved; the suspense has
been unrelenting. So, would the three of you (Miss
Prejean, Perez Hilton and Donald Trump) please take
your bows and leave the stage?
Miss Wendy to her readers: There is a list
of the best and worst cities for your hair on MSNBC.com
and surprise, surprise: New York is on the list
as one of the best. Granted, it is number 6, but
it is definitely not the last city on the worst
list, which is probably where it belongs. These
list makers were obviously either non-New Yorkers
and/or men. New York is wonderful in many ways,
but not for what happens to your hair. And the problem
is this - public transportation.
There are wide varieties of weather in New York
City (most of them wet), but whatever the weather
is, unless you are rich and hire a limousine service
to pick you up in an underground parking garage
and deliver you under a canopy, you and your hair
will be subjected to whatever-the-weather-happens-to-be
as you run many blocks to the subway or stand waiting
for the bus. If you don't live here, you might say,
"Well, what about those little yellow cars
you see everywhere?" Well, if it is raining
outside, there is always someone in them already
and you will be stuck standing outside in the rain
for 20 minutes before you can hail an empty taxi.
So here's to New
York, we love you. But you never should have nominated
yourself as a good hair city. So there.
P. S. If you have
ever wondered why there are so many good looking
Japanese women in New York City, it is because their
hair thrives here. They have beautiful thick STRAIIGHT
hair and they look wonderful regardless of the humidity
or torrential rain.
P.P. S. Hermes was
given a second life when Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
moved to New York City. You never saw Onassis in
the city without a scarf on her hair and that was
not some sort of I-think-I-am-Queen-Elizabeth fashion
statement, she either wore a scarf or risked looking
like Albert Einstein.
P. P. P. S. Gloria
Steinem does not style her hair. New York City does
it for her as it does it for me.
Janet Mayer / PR Photos
From Miss Wendy to her readers:
Here is a fun image of Madonna at the
"The Model as Muse: Embodying Fashion"
Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum
of Art on May 4, 2009. Now you might ask yourself,
"Whatever was she thinking?" Well....she
was probably thinking that she was going march down
that red carpet and all the bitches behind the rope
would take her photo and all the media sluts would
run it. And she was right. Game, set, match, Madonna.
the beat goes on: There is a fun brouhaha
from the Miss Usa Pageant that simply won't go away.
Trash columnist and Miss USA judge Perez Hilton
asked Miss California, Carrie Prejean, a question
during the pageant about what she thought about
gay marriage. Miss Prejean answered, stating that
she was glad she lived in a country where people
can choose, but she personally believes that a marriage
should be between a man in a woman. Then all hell
broke lose: Perez Hilton called her an expletive
on national TV; some strange group called the National
Organization for Marriage made Prejean their spokesperson;
and the required near-nude photos of Miss Prejean
miraculously appeared right on cue. Pageant officials
are "stunned, stunned" by these racy photos.
And every night on cable news, we are regaled with
pundits talking and talking and talking about this
most welcomed controversy.
Now, a less cynical
soul might say: "So what? Since Miss Prejean
thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman,
she should marry a man. And so should Perez Hilton,
if he can find a man who would have him." But
this would be missing the point. Both Miss Prejean
and Perez Hilton have ridden this controversy horse
to fame. After all, had you really heard of either
of them before this? And who ever pays attention
to the runner up in the Miss USA Pageant? For that
matter, who ever pays attention to the winner of
the Miss USA Pageant? And Perez Hilton - say what?
Bravo! Bravo! to
both Miss Prejean and Perez Hilton for winning the
Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump Celebrity Feud Cup.
Now please take your bows and get off the stage.
Just where are those Academy Award girls when you
really need them?
Here is a silly
bit to brighten your day:
Miss Wendy's Recession
Brew a pot of green
tea, pour into a jar and refrigerate. Fill a glass
with ice and pour in the green tea to about 3/4th
full. Add orange juice to top to sweeten.
If you live on Long
Island, you can add vodka, thus creating the first
Island Iced Tea made with actual tea.
Do you have a Question
for Miss Wendy?
Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org
All of Miss Wendy's
old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section: