Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy
R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher
February 28, 2010
(I am going to be dating my posts from now on):
Please help alleviate
the suffering caused by the horrific earthquakes
in Haiti and Chile. Please log onto the
Red Cross and do what you can. Every little
bit can make a difference.
ELLE Style Awards 2010
Grand Connought Rooms, Covent Garden / London, UK
February 22, 2010
ESolarpix / PR Photos
is another blast from across the pond: London
events are style contests, unlike events in New
York City where the mantra "less is more"
still resonates. Now not everyone can wear this
look, you need to be tall and slim. But if you can,
The Brit Awards 2010 - Arrivals
Earls Court / London, UK
October 16, 2010
Solarpix / PR Photos
Here's another You
Got It Going Girl Awards for Lady Gaga- Miss
Modern Art on the Hoof!
Beat Goes On (Redux): Tiger Woods apologized
to the nation yesterday and he did a pretty good
job. Most notably he stated that he had felt entitled
to do the things he did because of his fame - a
pretty big admission. He also apologized to his
wife, Elin, and stated that at no time had she hit
him (the story about the golf club).
The only beef the
talking heads have with him is that he did not apologize
to the "mistresses" (which would have
given the tabloids some column and talk show fodder
for at least another week). Hello! Are any of these
women stating that they did not know Tiger was a
married man or that he did not pick them up in a
bar? Any woman who gets all dolled up and hits the
clubs to "hook up" with a celebrity knows
exactly what she is in for. There are no victims
in that posse and reading about how porn star Jocylyn
James thinks Tiger owes her an apology is laughable.
It goes the other
way HOS. If you want to participate in the apology
game, open your mouth and apologize.
Goes On: Today Tiger Woods is going to apologize
to the nation. Why? Because he ran around on his
wife (a lot) and it appears that the man is a sleaze.
But the news media (including this column) could
not be happier. There are stories to write and talk
to talk before the deed: Will it do any good? Will
Elin be by his side?. Then there will be the apology
and afterwards nights of: "Was it enough?"
Should WE forgive him?
Wake up world! The only reason
he is apologizing to us is the man wants his career
back. But he never really lost it. Tiger is now
one of the most famous men in the world. Memories
are short and there are a million products he can
plug. So he may never again be the SUV guy, but
he'll be the Jaguar guy.
And as for the bevy of undulating harlots that came
rushing forward to grab their fifteen minutes of
fame. Someone needs to write a book about just where
they are two years from now. It will be an updated
version of the Scarlet Letter told through
the prism of our supposedly "anything goes"
society. But we are also a "googlelized"
society and these ladies resumes will follow them
for the rest of their lives. Sure there is always
porn and some forms of reality tv - The Flavor
of Love and Celebrity Rehab - but
those fringe opportunities are not be enough to
support a platoon of former nightclub hostesses
(they won't be able to get THAT job anymore because
they TALK!). Sure Rachel Uchitel got a job on Extra,
but she is the one who did not TALK.
Here are some fun
tips for a Valentine's Day with a twist of lime:
1. Those heart shaped
red Russell Stover candy boxes are so tacky they're
campy. So give away.
Photo Credit Melinda Maclean
2. Red lingerie
is only fun when it is trashy, think Times Square
Street, not La Perla.
Photo Credit Evan Sung
3. For more
camp, make plans to attend a burlesque show. Burlesque
shows are not the strip shows you see in so-called
"Gentlemen's Clubs." They are in the spirit
of the musical Gypsy,
not the nightly strutting on the stage at Scores.
and Nasty Burlesque
The Beat Goes
National Enquirer is reporting that John
Edwards has asked Rielle Hunter (the mother of his
two year old daughter) to marry him and is puchasing
a three million dollar home for his new family.
I really hope this story is not true. Edwards is
married to a woman who has terminal breast cancer
and he has three children from this marriage who
are bound to read about this.
As they say in the slaughter house, "Raise
your feet pardner, the shit is starting to flow."
"O would some
power the gift to give us to see ourselves as others
see us." Robert Burns.
Here is a reprint
from my February
Dear Miss Wendy,
It is Fashion Week! Please tell
us: Is there sex during fashion week?
Absolutely not. Everyone involved
in Fashion Week is entirely too hungry and bitchy
to be interested in sex.
See this quote from my February
2007 Column about sex during Fashion Week: "Well
there will be a lot of pretty little things walking
down the runway (see-through blouses with no bras,
thongs peeping through voile for both men and women)
but realistically, there will be no sex. The female
models have not eaten in about a month and if propositioned
would probably say something like, “Not now
sweetie, but why don’t you just talk dirty
to me while I do this line?” The male models
have had a little more to eat and might be a little
more interested, but are still likely to say something
like, “Oh that’s nice, but why don’t
you just get up and act as my spotter while I lift
these weights?” And the designers will brush
away any amorous efforts with a, “For heavens
sake, darlings! If you really want to be useful,
get off your knees and make a Starbucks run! Someone
is going to trip over you and break a heel!”
You see, everyone at Fashion Week is an ascetic,
asexual alien; things are different in their world."
Here is a reprint
from my February
Dear Miss Wendy,
I live in New York
and my fiancée and I want to get married
this spring. We both work but our families don't
have any money to contribute to our wedding so we
have been delaying our marriage for a couple of
years now. The average (low scale) New York wedding
costs $25,000 and I hate the idea of starting our
married life in debt when we need to save for a
house and put aside some money so we can have children.
on a wedding in New York is a complete waste of
money and a total no-win game. All the snobs who
are into that "kind of thing" will be
noticing all the things you did not do as in: "Only
four courses?" "The desert was the wedding
Having a charming
wedding is more about taste than money. One of the
most delightful weddings I have seen lately was
in the film In
Her Shoes and the wedding was held in a
funky Jamaican restaurant with a garden in the back.
So feel free to use your imagination, not your money.
There are scads of charming little restaurants with
backyard gardens in the East Village and Brooklyn.
Find one and create your own fantasy with white
Christmas lights, votive candles and huge vases
of white flowers from the Farmers Market. Or funk
it up in purple (purple dress, purple flowers, Prince
singing "Purple Rain", Tinky Winky as
ring bearer/flower girl), I don't care. Just make
it your day, not the caterers and the florists.
After all, you live
in New York so the hardest part was finding someone
to marry. The wedding should be the easy part.
Bless Sarah Palin: Dear ex-Governor Palin
has jumped into the politically correct hay wagon
professing to be profoundly offended that Rahm Emanuel
said a group of liberal Democrats were fucking retarded.
Now Palin has a baby who has Downs Syndrome, but
I sincerely doubt he is liberal or a Democrat.
Periodically we gang up on certain words and decide
that they no longer deserve to be words. And as
soon as we hear that someone is offended by a word,
nice people decide to quit using it because, why
not? Someone is offended so quit. The Special Olympics
has declared retarded to be a bad word, so off with
its verbal head. But whenever we make this collective
decision, we do need a bit of time for a learning
curve. After all, it is not like the word retarded
started out as a description of the mentally disabled
and then moved to other connotations; it went the
other way. The word began with a meaning of "make
slow or hinder" and moved to be a description
of of the mentally disabled. All of this information
is in the dictionary or a thesaurus if Ms. Palin
had deigned to open one.
All of this supposed outrage (rumor has it that
Palin uses the R word herself when referring to
her son) is Palin's latest attempt to feed the media
sharks. Why pay a publicist when you can get loads
of free press simply by portraying yourself as a
victim - AGAIN!
But in the spirit of "She who lives in a glass
house, should not throw stones," Ms. Palin
should consider the practicality of setting herself
up as a spokesperson for politically correct dialogue
or for that matter, any kind of correct dialogue.
Every time darling Sarah opens her mouth, out comes
a word salad that would take a UN quality translator
to unravel (does anyone else speak Palinese?)
This over rush of
political correctness is exhausting. Should be now
also banish the words imbecilic and moronic from
the English language? Yeah, probably; they are much
more closely attached to mental disability than
the word retarded.
Beat Goes On: Rihanna and Lady Gaga have
done it again. These two twenty-something divas
channeled the spirit of Cher and Elton John to rock
last night's Grammy Awards. MoMA simply must open
a Costume Institute. Why should the Metropolitan
Museum of Art have all the fun?
The Beat Goes On:
There is bad news from the
teen pregnancy front - a 3% rise in pregnancies
over the last year (Washington
Post). And there are recriminations and knashing
of teeth about whether or not the Bush era mandated
"abstinence only" sex education is at
fault. Now all right thinking people would agree
that delaying sexual activity (especially activity
that results in pregnancy or STD's) is good for
teens and for society. Non-pregnant girls and non-child-support-paying
boys have more time to concentrate on their school
work and after school activities that will help
them progress with their lives. But as all writers
and comedians are taught - know your audience. If
you are teaching sex education to a group of poverty
stricken teens who have no upwardly bound role models
and little to look forward to in their lives other
than "that baby looks awfully cute," you
have to have Plan B. Yes, tell them it is better
to delay sexual activity, but if you are not going
to do that, here is the phone number of a nice lady
at Planned Parenthood and here is how to use the
kind or birth control you can purchase at the drug
store (or truck stop). So there.
Hell Hath no Fury:
In a sign that there is hope for the future of traditional
media, YaVaughnie Wilkins, the jilted mistress of
Oracle exec Charles Phillips, resorted to an old
fashioned Times Square billboard in an attempt to
embarrass her former married lover (it probably
worked). But, she did include a link to her website,
Ms. Wilkins website seems to be down (as are the
bill boards), but if you are curious, The
Daily Mail has kindly published most of the
Amy Winehouse attends a
July 2009 Court Appearance
The Beat Goes
On: Once again at
a court appearance January 20, 2009 in Milton Keynes
Magistrates' Court in Buckinghamshire, England,
darling Amy Winehouse has avoided jail time for
drunken and disorderly conduct (see People.com).
But the really bizarre element from this story is
that Miss Winehouse had consumed five vodka and
cokes when she became involved in an altercation
over whether or not she could have a sixth. Vodka
and coke? Miss Winehouse and her beloved beehive
are circling the drain.
2010 International Consumer Electronics Show
"Monster and Beats" by Dr. Dre Announce
"Heart Beats by Lady GaGa" Headphones
Las Vegas, NV, USA
January 7, 2010
PRN / PR Photos
Beat Goes On: Here is a You Got It Going
Girl Award to Lady Gaga. Now Gaga is one gal
who knows how to keep the excess in success and
the show in show business.
Photo Courtesy of the American
Appeal for Haiti: Please
text the word Haiti to 90999 to give $10 to the
Red Cross. You can also log onto the Red Cross
and give money online by credit card: american.redcross.org.
Both methods, giving by text or credit card, delivers
the money to the relief effort immediately. Please
do what you can. If everyone who reads this appeal
makes a donation, we can make a difference and help
relieve their suffering.
Call to Arms:
Please help the citizens
of Haiti whose lives have been devastated by a massive
earthquake. They are homeless, thirsty and hungry
and the injured are in make shift hospitals with
inadequate personnel and supplies. And they are
the lucky ones; others are still trapped under buildings,
including small children (kindergartens, nurseries
and orphanages collapsed). Please can log onto the
Red Cross and give money online: american.redcross.org
Please do what you can. If everyone who reads this
appeal makes a donation, we can make a difference
and help relieve their suffering.
The Beat Goes
On: Sarah Palin has
accepted a job as a political commentator for Fox
News. Check out her utterly hilarious quote about
her new gig: "“I am thrilled to be joining
the great talent and management team at Fox News,’’
Palin said in a statement posted yesterday on the
Fox News website. “It’s wonderful to
be part of a place that so values fair and balanced
And in the spirit
of "I told you so," here is an entry from
my column back in July regarding her resignation:
"Today Sarah Palin announced to an utterly
speechless nation that she is resigning from her
job as Governor of Alaska. Immediately all the political
wags started to wag; what is she doing and why?
Well the simplest explanation is that she got a
better offer, perhaps a talk show on h'm......Fox
And Palin has three school age children who need
to be enrolled in schools this fall, so if she is
going to move, she needs to do it in the summer.
The likely impetus
for the resignation (and the possible Fox job) is
that Palin was exposed to the glamour of the Republican
world (the rich kid's playground) during the Presidential
campaign and now she wants to see more. Alaska most
have been a real let down after the rush of the
campaign with its stays in four star hotels, trips
to Neimans and Saks, make up artists, hair stylists
Being governor of Alaska pays $125,000 and Palin
is a lady with five kids who now has a Saks habit.
You do the math."
on Senator Harry Reid: The talk shows are
all atwitter about Senator Reid's remarks about
the then Senator Obama's chances to be elected President.
According to the about to be published book, John
Heilemann and Mark Halperin's Game Change
York Times review), Reid said regarding Obama
that: “the country was ready to embrace a
black presidential candidate, especially one such
as Obama — a 'light-skinned’ African
American ‘with no Negro dialect, unless he
wanted to have one."
No one will ever
have truly equal rights in this country until talking
about who and what we are is not considered a dirty
word. There is so much condescension and paternalism
in all this criticism. There is an unspoken standard
in America that the only correct way to be, look
and talk is "white newscaster." And since
all other forms of being are assumed to be inferior,
any mention of such differences is considered to
be rude and degrading. In the words of the Mary
Mitchell in the Chicago
Sun Times, "Reid's conversation about Obama
was not racist. It was racial.Too often we confuse
the two. When we do, we make it even more difficult
for reasonable people to have a civil conversation
about race. A racial comment is about race. A racist
comment is a negative comment about race."
It is highly insulting to assume the the dialect
and appearance of any group is so inferior to the
dialect and appearance of white newscasters, that
even mentioning the difference is reason for someone
to resign from their job.
Beat Goes On: People
Magazine is reporting that Jon Goselin
has a new girlfriend. Now if you go to any mall
in America and take a look around, you can easily
conclude that anyone can get married. And if you
follow Jon Goselin's love life, you can also conclude
that almost anyone can get a date.In the words of
P. T. Barnum, "There's a sucker born every
The Saga of Baby Divine Book Signing
Caesars Palace in Las Vegas
January 6, 2010
PRN / PR Photos
Beat Goes On: Here is one of Miss Wendy's
"You Got It Going Girl Awards" for Miss
Bette Midler who was recently in Las Vegas's Caesars
Palace, plugging a children's book she wrote back
in 1983, The Saga of Baby Divine.
The campiness of
this bit is overwhelming - The Divine Miss M, a
children's book, Caesar's Palace. So here's one
for all you retro hip parents - click
Beat Goes On: Elton John just announced that
he has been helping Eminen fight his drug addiction.
They say addiction makes for strange bedfellow and
the same must go for recovery. But many kudos to
Eminen for thinking "outside the box"
and getting the job done.
The tabloids are
also in a twitter over whether that was Elin Woods
they saw skiing in Switzerland or her twin sister
Josefina (you could only see a nose and mouth with
all the ski gear). And was that a wedding ring on
her hand (where were the ski gloves?) or not? The
Tiger Woods scandal is fun for the entire family
and the world is breathlessly waiting for the latest
And that fun-loving
couple Charlie Sheen and his embattled wife, Brooke
Mueller, have petitioned the court to remove the
restraining order so they can move back in together.
The courts said no. Hmm! Well, even if they are
not living together, this story should have a shelf
life of few more weeks.
Happy New Year!
Here is wish for
a happy and prosperous (it's about time) 2010!
Miss Wendy's gratitude
list for 2009!
1. Britney Spears,
Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan give thanks to the
many politicians and other celebrities who graciously
dropped trou in 2009 and kicked Young Hollywood
off the front page of the Enquirer (or maybe not).
2. Former Presidential
candidate John Edwards gives thanks to Nevada Senator
John Ensign for supplying the media with a sordid
affair/scandal that supplanted the story of Edward's
affair and "possible" love child.
2. Senator Ensign
graciously thanks South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford
for making an ass of himself with his silly emoting
about his passion for his "soul mate"
and "trying to fall back in love" with
the mother of his four children.
3. Governor Mark
Sanford gives thanks to Tiger Woods for burning
his billion dollar endorsement business on a pyre
of bimbos, putting Sanford's "hound dogging"
4. Tiger Woods gives thanks to Charlie Sheen and
Brooke Mueller for getting drunk and calling the
cops on Christmas Day (while their nine month old
twins slept in the next room), kicking Tiger's scandal
off the front pages.
5. Former Governor
Sarah Palin gives thanks to everyone else who made
an ass of themselves this year and gave her a momentary
respite from the media so she could deal with her
everyday craziness - beating up on Levi, resigning
from her job, developing her own language, etc.
6. Miss Wendy graciously
thanks all of the above for supplying her with fodder
for her column. What would I do without you?
Happy New Year!
Do you have a Question
for Miss Wendy?
Email her at email@example.com
All of Miss Wendy's
old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section: