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Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

August 31, 2010

So Paris Hilton has been arrested in Las Vegas for possession of cocaine. My oh my - she must have been really jealous of the publicity (Maxim and Vanity Fair covers) Lindsay Lohan received for staging her jail-and-rehab drama for the public eye.

Three Comments:

1. Nevada is a pretty nasty place to do any jail time.

2. This whole business is a dichotomy. Las Vegas promotes itself as the place where you go "to do coke with people like Paris Hilton." So the casino owners have a stake in making this business go away. After all, they don't want hot-little-coked-up-girls to avoid Vegas.

3. Here is the one that no one calls: The reason celebrities like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss use coke as their drug of choice is because their careers depend on them staying razor thin and coke takes away your appetite. As Dolly Parton famously said, "There is no such thing as natural beauty."

P. S. I am not promoting coke. It is a nasty addictive drug that will ruin someone's life (addiction, bankruptcy, jail in Nevada?). I'm just calling it as it is.

August 30, 2010

Lea Michelle at the Emmys
August 29, 2010
PR Photos

Here is a You Got it Going Girl Award to Miss Lea Michelle who looked stunning at last night's Emmy Awards in a Oscar de la Renta gown. Dorothy Parton famously said that "There is no such thing as natural beauty," and Miss Michelle certainly proves Parton's hypothesis. Michelle is a naturally pretty girl who worked like a dog (the gym, the hairdresser [extensions?], hours of fitttings, posing lessons) to pull off this stunner.

August 26, 2010:

It has been some week in celebrity culture:

Lindsay Lohan got out of rehab early with strict requirements for outpatient care. It seems she was not as addicted as the tabloids thought. And this "not being as addicted as the tabloids thought" might also explain why she never failed one of her court mandated random drug and alcohol tests.

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are finally divorced and Elin gave an interview to People magazine and told the writer that she was incredibly hurt, did not suspect he was running around and most importantly of all that she did not hit him with that golf club. So there.

And the Oksana/Mel mishegas keeps rolling along. The police are investigating Mel for domestic abuse and Oksana for extortion. Wouldn't it be ironic if they both ended up spending some time in jail? This tale would make a fine plot for an opera that would end with both protagonists caged on the stage. Glass houses!

August 18, 2010:

Here is my wade into the proposed Islamic Study Center for the vicinity of Ground Zero. The flames of controversy are being fanned by Republicans, who are trying to create an issue to rile up their base. A lot of people in the heartland are envisioning a Mosque right in the heart of Ground Zero. In fact the Islamic study center is going to be built in a building a few blocks away that used to house a Burlington Coat Factory. According to the Daily News (in an article titled "Mosque gets all the press, but area near Ground Zero full of bars, porn, liquor stores, salons"), right next to the site of the proposed Islamic Study Center are "17 pizza shops, 18 bank branches, 11 bars, 10 shoe stores and 17 separate salons where a girl can get her lady parts groomed." Also in the same "shadow of Ground Zero" (according to the same Daily News article) is the "Pussycat Lounge, a strip club where a photo of a nearly naked woman marks its location just two blocks from where the World Trade Center stood....Or the Thunder Lingerie and peep show next door, where the marquee sports an American flag above a window display of sex toys and something called a "power pump." The hallowed ground known as "the shadow of Ground Zero" that will be "sullied by a Mosque" simply does not exist.

Our constitution guarantees everyone the freedom to worship as they please and to support this freedom, we must defend that rights for religions that make us uncomfortable. And just for the record, Muslims do not make me uncomfortable. I know there are thousands of different variations of Muslims and the people who attacked the World Trade Center and the Taliban are obscure sects of Islam and Muslims should not be defined by these extremists anymore than Christians would like to be defined by David Koresh or Jim Jones. Plus I live in New York and I know a lot of Muslims and because I know them, I see them as people not as bogey men. It is much easier to villanize the unknown.

Now about the sex shops: I believe in freedom of speech but if the Republicans are hell bent on trampling on the Constitution, I would prefer they go after the porn first.

The waxing parlors add another strange twist to this mishegas. The ladies working those parlors are probably in favor of the new Islamic Study Center. Muslim women having been waxing their basement floors for hundreds of years so they will be good for business.

And for a final twist: If there had been a large Islamic Study Center in the vicinity of Ground Zero, perhaps the suicide bombers would have thought twice before plowing their planes into the World Trade Center.

Hey this is New York! Nothing can be explained on a banner.

August 15, 2010:

There is a very funny article on MSNBC.com about how the Chinese have reinstated group exercise at work. Every day at 10AM and 3PM at all government owned businesses, there is an announcement and everyone gets up and completes a set of eight minute exercises together. I say funny, but this is actually brilliant. Just think about how if we did this, it would reduce the number of workers who suffer from back problems, high blood pressure, stress and other ailments caused by our high pressure but sedentary jobs. If these ailments were reduced by even five percent, that would be a five percent reduction in our nation's health care costs. So kudos to the Chinese, and let's all say Tai Chi, stand up and hold that pose.

August 12, 2010

The Beat Goes On: That silly Bill O'Reilly is trying to start a feud with Jennifer Aniston because she said that women can have a baby without the participation of a "known" man by simply visiiting a sperm bank (see Daily News). He thinks Aniston's statement is really bad for 12 year old girls who might be influenced to visit a sperm bank instead of getting pregnant the old fashioned way. This is an incredible amount of fun on so many levels starting with 12 year old girls being influenced by Jennifer Aniston and then moving to the vision of randy teenage girls bypassing the local studs and marching into the sperm bank. Mr.O'Reilly is obviously trapped in the past when Dan Quayle railed against Murphy Brown (played by Candice Bergen) for having a baby as a single mother. I am sure he knows his audience, but where is he finding people so sheltered that they do not realize that 40% of all babies have been born out of wedlock (New York Times) since at least 2007, long before Jennifer Aniston opened her mouth.

August 10, 2010

The Beat Goes On: There is no truly scandalous news in the world today. Lindsay Lohan is still in rehab so there is none of her mishegas to report. Oksana is still using the media to pummel Mel for the (alleged) pummeling he gave her, but they have both become BORING. Levi Johnson has a new reality TV deal where he will "supposedly" run for mayor of Wasilla. Hey, why not? The bar seems to be set pretty low for that job.

But this is the summer of cop TV. There are four great new cop shows: Fox's The Good Guys, TNT's Memphis Beat, A & E's The Glades and TNT's Dark Blue. TNT's Rizolli and Isles ranks as a trailing fifth. (The TNT website is down this morning so I could not link their shows).

And for your continued summer viewing pleasure, there is also one knock-out-of-the-park Vampire story, The Gates. Now normally I am opposed to watching vampire shows (cultural snobbery), but this one is simply great.

And of course, there is Mad Men which is every bit as stylish and mesmerizing as before. The period details are simply astonishing.

And last but definitely not least, USA's Covert Affairs. I did not think Piper Perabo could pull off the role of a cover operative for the CIA; I thought she would look cheesy with a twist of bimbo (the commercials for the show definitely did not help). But I was wrong. Perabo comes across the screen as plucky, inventive and fun, and the show is a great carnival ride.

It is hot as hell outside, so now is a great time to crank up the AC, close the blinds and watch all these incredible shows. We can all pretend we are vampires and not go back outside until the sun quits scorching the city.

August 6, 2010

The Beat Goes On: There is sad news. It seems that Whoopi Goldberg did not bitch slap Michelle Salahi (the White House gate crasher now star of The Real Housewives of D.C) when Salahi and the other cast members were guests on The View. Oh well. There is always another day.

August 5, 2010

The Beat Goes On: There was good news today in the campaign for marriage equality. A Federal Judge set aside Proposition 8, the California law that stated that marriage could only be between a man and a woman. Mazel Tov!

August 4, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Here is a big bouquet of kudos to Donald Trump who has the "getting free media attention" gig down. "The Donald" has just told Page 6 that he thinks it is "tacky" that "Kathleen Hammer and her real-estate developer husband, Arthur Seelbinder, [who are] the owners of Astor Courts, the Stanford White-designed 50-acre Rhinebeck estate where Chelsea Clinton got married on Saturday... Before the champagne spills were even dry, a full-page ad ran on Page 2 of The Post headlined, "Yes. It's for Sale . . . Home of Recent Celebrity Wedding" and calling the $12 million property a "National Treasure.""

Trump has a genius for scoring free publicity by starting mini-brawls. Remember his "fun for the entire family" feud with Rosie O'Donnell. The bit where he stated on a talk show that Angelina Jolie was not beautiful (this one did not work because Jolie and her camp simply ignored him). And his recent barbs aimed at Tiger Wood's ex-mistress, Rachel Uchitel, who decided to sign on for Celebrity Rehab instead of Trump's show, The Celebrity Apprentice.

The great fun in this whole brouhaha is that Hammer and Seelbinder (the owners of Astor Court) probably don't mind. They had to pay for the Post ad; this publicity is free. And to be a little cynical, do you think the reason the Clinton's keep insisting that Chelsea's wedding did not cost more than a million, as opposed to the three to five million estimates in the media, is that they got a discount on the rent because Hammer and Seelbinder realized that their property would greatly increase in value because of this fame of being the site of Chelsea's wedding.

Anyway, congrats to all, say Hallelujah and pass the biscuits and gravy.

August 2, 2010

Ruminations: Every time I see any of the following people on TV of in the tabloids, I want to run screaming around the room until my neighbors complain:

1. Michael Lohan: He brays away for any camera or microphone he can find. The real danger of childhood stardom may be what it does to the parents; especially for parents who have never managed to "find their own way." They can become addicted to opining on Entertainment Tonight the same way a crack addict is addicted to crack.

2. Gloria Allred: She flew to COLORADO to supposedly represent the former Aspen policewoman, Valerie McFarlane. who was fired for unrelated improprieties after she arrested Charlie Sheen. But the real purpose (of course) was to hold a press conference. Does anyone believe that McFarlane, who is bagging groceries for a living, had the money to pay Allred a retainer, much less foot the lawyer bill. Just who paid for Ms. Allred's airfare and hotel room? Hmm.

3. Mel Gibson and Oksana Oksana Grigorieva: They throw fish out after three days and Miss Grigorieva and her tapes, emails, and text messages need to get out of the tabloids and into the District Attorney's office where they might or might not (were they recorded legally? were they tampered?) belong.

4. Any of those people on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette: The file in my brain where I store low class people is already full and there is absolutely no room for their shenanigans.

5. The Kardashians, the cast of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New Jersey: For obvious reasons.

Would the Academy Award girls please come get these idiots and walk them off the stage.

July 31, 2010

Chelsea Clinton Dancing with Marc Mezvinsky
2007 School of American Ballet Winter Ball
Photo Credit Katherin Wermke

The Beat Goes On: It has been a wild week in celebrity culture:

* It is confirmed: Chelsea Clinton is marry Marc Mezvinsky tonight in Rhinebeck, New York. Congratulations to both! Click here for more information about the wedding and here to see the photos New York Cool photographer Katherin Wermke took of Chelsea at the 2007 School of American Ballet Winter Ball (Chelsea was a junior chairperson). Also, click here for photos of Chelsea at the pre-ball party at the Tuleh showroom.

* Someone named Snooki (Obama does not know who she is either) was arrested for disorderly conduct and released. Click here if you would like to know who Snooki is; there is nothing like being "in with the in crowd."

*Lindsay Lohan is not out of jail yet, but our hearts are fluttering in anticipation of her release. There will be twenty-four hours of tabloid heaven (Will she see Samantha? Will her father bray for the cameras, AGAIN?) before Miss Lohan is dumped back into rehab. How will we stand it if she turns into Drew Barrymore?

*Lohan's father Michael is still addicted to publicity, doing everything he can to get in front of the camera and opine about his daughter Lindsay (who quite understandably refuses to see him). Lohan's behavior is like that of deer who have become addicted to eating campfire food and have forgotten how to forage. I normally cannot stomach Dr. Phil's washing someone's dirty laundry on television. But Michael Lohan desperately needs a Dr. Phil intervention and Lohan will certainly not mind that his intervention is publicized for the world to see.

The advice would be simple:

1. Do not ever mention your daughter's name in public again, ever.

2. Make something of yourself on your own merits; don't expect breaks for being Lindays' dad.

3. Get some class.

* The Portland DA has declined to prosecute Al Gore for inappropriate sexual conduct. Click here for the Associated Press article about the Portland Da's decision to not prosecute and the reasons he made that decision. Did anyone other than the most avid Fox News addicts not see this one coming?

July 30, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Every day we are treated to another recording of the Mel Gibson/Oksana Griogorieva mishegas. And the one aspect of this horror that no one in the media is covering, is the affect this will have on their daughter Lucia and Mel Gibson's seven other children who will now grow up a world where everyone knows that their father flew into a rage and (allegedly) physically and verbally abused Lucia's mother. Now no one thinks this type of abuse should be swept under the carpet, but in the end Miss Griogorieva will gain nothing from this notoriety. She will have seriously damaged her chances of finding yet a third Baby Daddy to support her; right thinking men will avoid Miss Griogorieva like the plague. And Mel Gibson will supposedly "never work in this town again," seriously damaging him financially and perhaps his ability to support his EIGHT children in the manner to which they have become accustomed. And for what gain? Does Miss Griogorieva truly think she will be able to get sole custody of the baby? Isn't it much more likely that the courts would order probation and counseling, but he will still have visitation and eventually joint custody. And that outcome will be negotiated in family court, not on Radaronline. "Hell doth have no fury like a woman scorned," but when soon-to-be-separated-or-divorced couples conduct a public brawl, the gun is always pointed at their own feet.

There is a reason our mothers always told us to "Never wash your dirty laundry in public."

On the bright side of this mess: Tiger Woods, Elin Woods and Al Gore are sincerely grateful to Miss Griogorieva for catapulting them away from the eye of the tabloid storm. But not so much Lindsay Lohan whose hair extension in jail are still headline material.

July 27, 2010

Paloma Faith
Cartier International Polo Day Match at Windsor Park
July 25, 2010
Photo Credit: Landmark / PR Photos

The Beat Goes On: Here is a hoot of a photo that just floated across the pond. No one but the English can pull of a look like this. Can you imagine the planning that took place to come up with this level of frumpiness? But this is the kind of frumpiness that spins the dial and becomes terminally cool. Nevertheless, I would not copy this look for a Hamptons polo match.

Paloma Faith

July 22, 2010

Cyndi Lauper
The Early Show Summer Concert Series
CBS Plaza in New York City
July 20, 2010
Photo Credit: Janet Mayer / PR Photos

Here is one of my You Got It Going Girl awards for Miss Cyndi Lauper. The fifty-seven year old Lauper is still rocking it and looking good.

It has been another strange week in celebrity culture; schadenfreude is riding high:

A. Lindsay Lohan is in jail and the world is being fed tidbits from impeccable sources like recently released inmates of the LA County Jail.

B. The National Enquirer is now stating that there are two other masseuses who think Al Gore is a naughty boy. These masseuses have no names, the incidents have no dates and there are no alleged locations other than a hotel in Los Angeles and a hotel in Tokyo. And none of them are being represented by Gloria Allred - YET.

C. Charlie Sheen is trying to work out a deal with the Aspen prosecutor to be placed on probation instead of serving jail time with no cigarettes. He might want to rethink this one. If he is sentenced to probation and gets in a bar fight or drives drunk, he can be thrown in jail for a long sentence. And since Sheen has such an addictive personality that he cannot go without cigarettes for 30 days, the probability of him getting into additional "trouble" is high. And then he might have to spend a lot more than 30 days in the slammer without cigarettes.

D. We are being daily regaled with the Mel Gibson tapes and strange photos of his ex-ladylove, Oksana Grigorieva, with missing/broken veneers and a baby with what looks like a pimple on her chin. Attorney Lisa Bloom, Gloria Allred's daughter and Michael Lohan's legal eagle, is salivating over every detail on The Insider. If those tapes are authentic (since Mel has not denied them, they probably are), Mel is a very bad man. Miss Grigorieva may very well be a domestic violence victim but she is no saint either. And this sordid tale is a cautionary tale for any man who contemplates playing out his middle age crazies by leaving the mother of his seven children to become a baby daddy for a Russian gold digger.

E. And two more fashionable lawsuits have been filed: Gloria Allred is representing an extra from the TV series Bones, Kristina Hagan, who alleges that Bones star David Boreanaz sexually harassed her and promised a recurring role on Bones that never materialized but that a different bone did pop up. And Casey Affleck is being sued for sexual harassment by a producer, Amanda White, who worked on his new film about Joaquin Phoenix, I'm Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix. But in a strange twist, only Hagan is being represented by Gloria Allred.

Comment on The Popular Culture: With all this carrying on by pass-the-kleenex-lawyer Gloria Allred and her celebrity-chasing daughter Lisa Bloom, just how soon will the musical hit Broadway? We have two heroines and a dancing chorus of wronged women, all that is needed is a musical score and a few tap dance numbers.

July 18, 2010

Amy Winehouse
Psychosis London Premiere
Prince Charles Cinema, Leicester Square. London
July 13, 2010
Photo Credit: Landmark / PR Photos

The Beat Goes On: Here is one of my Courtney Love Hot Mess Honorarium for Miss Amy Winehouse. Hey Amy, if more than one person tells you that you need to go to rehab, you need to go to rehab. The vast majority of people in the world never have anyone tell them they need to go to rehab; the subject simply never comes up in conversation.

And to dear Lindsay Lohan: Check out this look. This is what you will look like next year if you don't clean up your act. And decadence doesn't mesh well with freckles.

July 14, 2010

Ruminations: Has anyone figured out what those Russian agents were actually doing? Could they have simply been planted years ago and forgotten? Of course, none of us can know the true story, but if the newspapers are to believed, this spy ring was more comical than treacherous and was not capable of supplying Russia with any information not readily available through Google. The real question is when we will have the TV movie and who will play Anna Chapman?

July 11, 2010

It has been an interesting week in celebrity culture. Lindsay Lohan, Tinseltown's favorite train wreck, has been sentenced to 90 days in jail and 90 days in rehab for violating her three year probation for drunk driving. She was supposed to attend "Alcohol Education" classes on a weekly basis and she missed sessions nine out of a twenty-seven week period. Charlie Sheen, one of Tinseltown's perpetual train wrecks, now has an August court date where he will make arrangements/ be sentenced to go to jail for approximately 30 days for a domestic violence incident in Aspen, Colorado last Christmas. Both Lohan and Sheen are doing everything they can to keep from having to go to jail, while the public snickers, jeers and pontificates that they need to "man up" and take their licks. Schadenfreude sure can be a bitch.

But there is a bit more to these stories. Both Lohan and Sheen are two-pack-a- day-smokers and they will be entering jails with no smoking policies. And going cold turkey off cigarettes is thought to be like getting off heroin (New York Times article). (I quit over twenty years ago and the reason I never started up again is that I was deathly afraid of having to quit again.)

If Lohan and Sheen can complete their sentences and leave jail nicotine free (and alcohol and drug free?) they will have been given an incredible gift, but one can certainly understand why they would rather not detoxify in in solitary confinement in a jail cell.

Having said that, I drive on the LA freeways myself and am in full support of the court system doing everything they can to keep drunks from driving. And kudos to the Aspen Court system for sticking Sheen's nose into the poop for his Christmas Day brawl with his wife.

Mel Gibson: Now this is a man who needs to immediately get a cat scan to find out exactly what kind of sewer is bubbling in his brain. Oksana Grigorieva, Gibson's ex-mistress and the mother of his love child, has (supposedly) recorded his racist/misogynistic violent rants and leaked these rants to the tabloids, causing his agents to drop him and seriously endangering his access to the child he had with Grigorieva. It is hard to feel sorry for Gibson. He has known for years that he cannot control his mouth when he drinks and yet he still continues to drink and shoot off his mouth.

It is a shame that Jamie Spears, Britney Spear's father, cannot be cloned. Lohan, Sheen and Gibson could all use an intervention/conservatorship session with Papa Spears.

On to Al Gore: There have been no other masseuses suddenly remembering that Al Gore is a naughty boy on the massage table. Unlike the saga of Tiger Woods and Jesse James, there have been no spectacle of crying masseuses holding press conferences while Gloria Allred pats their back and supplies the kleenex. Woods and James had a bevy of undulating mistresses vying for tabloid attention within days of the first National Enquirer story about their misdeeds. So where are Gore's? Is it possible that there are none and Gore is exactly what he seems, a nicely boring wooden nerd?

July 10, 2010

Franck Sorbier Fashion Show Backstage
Paris Fashion Week Haute Couture Fall/Winter 2011
Sotheby's / Paris, France
July 7, 2010
Photo Credit: Pixplanete / PR Photos

Ruminations: There is just something about the French. Yes, they can be frogs but they do hop with tude.

July 2, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The masseuse who accuses Al Gore of unwanted sexual contact during a message session in 2006 has decided to identify herself. Her name is Molly Hagerty.

So here we go. The National Enquirer has printed her story verbatim with large accusatory headlines. But there is not much of a case here. Even her "pants in a bag" won't work because there has been a huge break in the chain of evidence (I watch Law & Order).

And two days from now, the Enquirer will need fresh fodder and they won't get it from Gore who has simply denied the incident and will not speak further. Nor are they likely to uncover other salacious details about Al Gore's past to continue to stoke the scandal pyre. He is Al Gore, after all, and if there had been something, it would have come out long ago. And besides, who really wants to know about Al Gore's sex life? So, what is left? Why Miss Hagerty herself, whose entire life will now be open to Enquiring eyes. Everyone she did not get along with in eighth grade will be interviewed and that is just the beginning. Very few people live lives that can withstand that kind of scrutiny.

Ordinary citizens who are suddenly thrust into the spotlight and courted by fawning reporters should always look behind their shoulders to see the barbeque spit the reporters are preparing in their honor. Miss Hagerty's name will soon be "lunch."

July 1, 2010

The Beat Goes On: According to The Daily News, an English woman named Caroline Cartwright has been threatened with jail (AGAIN!) is she does not cease making so much noise while making love that passersby on the street can hear her. According to the article, "At one point, even a postman walking by complained" about her lovemaking sessions which according to court records could go on for three hours.

If you click on the link and check out the perps and you can see why the neighbors were complaining. This sex noise had no prurience factor because the Cartwright and her husband are just ordinary looking middle aged folks. Now if the moaners had been Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, the aggrieved neighbors could have compensated themselves for their aggravation by selling tickets.

Whenever there is a story in the news about nude gardeners or noisy love makers, it is always just some frumpy-looking blokes. This is the reason nudist camps have never become wildly popular - they are all populated by people you would never want to see naked.

Do you have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at wendy@newyorkcool.com

All of Miss Wendy's old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section:

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/November-December/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/September-October/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/July-August/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/May-June/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/March-April/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/January-February/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/December/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/November/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/October/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/September/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/August/ask.html