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Ask Miss Wendy - Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

April 29, 2010

For more on the new Arizona immigration law, check out Mayor Bloomberg's editorial in the New York Daily News.

Click on this link to contact the Governor of Arizona to tell her what you think about the new Arizona immigration law. azgovernor.gov/Contact.asp.

Click here to join a Facebook page dedicated to appealing the law.

April 28, 2010

The Beat Goes On: In a move to increase her fifteen minutes of fame (and her g-string tips), one of Jesse James's stripper girlfriends, Melissa Smith, has faxed an apology to Sandra Bullock's manager. And to show the world how truly sorry she is, she immediately leaked the apology to TMZ.

Hey, Melissa, your sale-by date has passed. So pease tuck your tail between your legs, put on a raincoat and skulk off the stage.

When this scandal blows over, the only one who will rise from this mess with anything worth having is Sandra Bullock, and her "worth havings" do not include Jesse James.

April 22, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The Republican governor, Governor Jan Brewer, has signed into law a state immigration bill that (MSNBC.com) "requires local police officers to question people about their immigration status if there is reason to suspect they are illegal immigrants."

Now no one who reads/watches the news stories about the horrific drug war in Mexico is in favor of illegal immigration. But this law is certainly, in the words of President Obama, "misguided."

The Arizona police are not going to start questioning German tourists to determine if they have overstayed their visas, they are going to question poor Hispanics, the only group they suspect might be illegal immigrants. Canadians will certainly be safe from harassment when they visit Sedona and Japanese tourists will be able to freely spend their money at Phoenix's Biltmore Fashion Park.

So what's next? Are the police going to be allowed to stop any woman wearing a short dress, too much makeup and high heels to inquire if she is a hooker, disrupting many a high school prom? Should they be allowed to hang around the door at art schools and make the students prove they are not drug dealers? How about stopping all women who carry big purses (diaper bags?) in department stores and make them prove they are not shoplifters. Or questioning Italians and requiring them to prove they are not in the Mafia.

Whenever we allow the government to take away the rights of "someone else," it always comes back to bite us.

April 25th Update: Here is an "ah ha" moment about why the Federal Government is so opposed to new Arizona immigration law. If the police in Arizona proceed to scour the state and round up every illegal immigrant they can find, they will then have to turn them over to the Federal Government for deportation (only the Federal government can deport) resulting in Federal detention facilities and immigration judges being overwhelmed with illegal Mexican gardeners and fry cooks and making it impossible for the Federal government to concentrate their limited (we are broke, remember) resources to catching drug runners and drug lords.

April 21, 2010

The Beat Goes On: There is an article on MSNBC.com about how two dozen Congressmen are protesting the decision by a Federal Judge that the National Day of Prayer is unconstitutional (that thing about the separation between Church and State). Here is a quote from the article, "In her ruling, U.S. District Judge Barbara Crabb wrote that the government can no more enact laws supporting a day of prayer than it can encourage citizens to fast during Ramadan, attend a synagogue or practice magic."

So here we go again. I am from Texas where one of the religious right's hot button issues is the lack of prayer at the Friday night football games. They don't get it - just why can't they have nondenominational prayer at a football game?

Well, here's why: Texas prayer advocates believe that having a nondenominational prayer means having prayer led one week by the Methodist minister and the next by the Baptist minister. But when you open the door to prayer at public school events, you allow all religions to walk through and we are a nation of multiple religions. The good people of Waco, Texas would be utterly horrified if the pre-ball game prayer was led by an Imam or even by a Russian Orthodox priest. Or how about one of the priests from the Temple of Kali which was recently in the news when someone delivered a most unwelcome human sacrifice to the temple door (New York Daily News)?

Our founding fathers knew how to recognize a Pandora's box when they saw one and wisely decided to separate government from religion. And they had never met a Hare Krishna.

April 20, 2010

Grace Jones
Photo Credit: PR Photos

The Beat Goes On: There is a fun article on MSN.com about how Grace Jones is slamming Lady Gaga for "copying her style." Now I have always thought Grace Jones was a hoot and a holler and if I had thought about it, I would have given her one of my You Got It Going Girl awards. But that's just it, I don't think about Grace Jones anymore and I bet I am not the only one. But the gal still has something going on because she has just created a mini feud with Gaga and made her way into the news without having to pay one dime to a publicist.

Lady Gaga
Photo Credit: PR Photos

P. S. I have run myriad photos of Lady Gaga (she also is a hoot and a holler), but I don't remember ever thinking, "Oh my, oh my, doesn't she look just like Grace Jones."

April 15, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The news is filled with stories that illustrate the disturbing side effects of Viagara. The latest is about how seventy-six-year-old Larry King is being sued for divorce by his 7th wife who claims he cheated with her kid sister. The Daily News.

So, Elizabeth Taylor is "supposedly"contemplating getting married for the 9th time and Larry King is being divorced for cause. What, may I ask, is CSPAN to do when their target audience insists on deserting the couch in favor of blue-pill-fueled frolics in the bedroom?

April 14, 2010

Ruminations: The Senate is considering a bill to make it illegal for airlines to charge a fee for a carryon bag. Now I most certainly do not favor any more baggage fees from the airlines, but why in the world does the US Senate need to become involved. The last time I checked, the Senate was way behind taking care of the nation's business like the broken economy.

Consumers can fix this problem all by themselves if they want to by boycotting the airlines that charge the fees. They can also write nasty things about them in blogs - take that Spirit Airlines.

But something does need to be done about all those carryon bags on airlines (they are dangerous and make departing the plane into an ordeal) and it is not charging fees for carryon's. Airlines need to set up a secure way for people to safely check their bags. Bags are being stolen and lost (I was without baggage for the first three days of my Christmas trip this year) on a regular basis. Airlines put tags on the bags, they just need to hire tag checkers and then they might find out that people do not actually WANT to carry their bags on the plane and have to lift them into those overhead bins. I would not mind paying a checked bag fee if I knew that my bag would be there when I got off the plane. Wouldn't it be nice to get on plane with just an iced coffee and a copy of Vanity Fair or a netbook?

Now some might say, "I don't want to check my bag. I can't stand waiting around for my bag to arrive on the carousel." And to that I would answer. "Just what do you think you are doing on the plane if not waiting around why row after row grab their bags from the overhead bins and plod down the aisle?"

April 13, 2010

Dear Miss Wendy,

In this age of Facebook and Twitter, is it still necessary to actually meet people.

Sincerely,

Just Wondering

Dear Wondring,

No.

April 10, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The seventy-eight year old Miss Liz Taylor may be marrying her forty-nine year old manager (NYPOST.com). Oh my oh my. I hope she remembers where she put her pre-nup.

Update April 9, 2010: In a classic "Well duh" moment, Governor McDonnell has apologized for (according to CNN.com) "leaving out any reference to slavery in his recent proclamation designating April as Confederate History Month, calling it a "major omission." This apology would be more meaningful if it had not been offered after McDonnell had just led his state into a public relations disaster in which he and the State of Virginia were spanked by the national media by being depicted as racist and hidebound. And while journalists were following this story, they also reran the story about how the Attorney General of Virginia (Ken Cuccinelli II) has advised colleges to remove sexual orientation from their list of groups of people that are protected from discrimination. See this quote from the Washington Post regarding Cuccinelli's statement, ""It is my advice that the law and public policy of the Commonwealth of Virginia prohibit a college or university from including 'sexual orientation,' 'gender identity,' 'gender expression,' or like classification as a protected class within its non-discrimination policy absent specific authorization from the General Assembly."

If these men worked for a national corporation, they would both be fired. By running-off-at-the-mouith and insulting black people and gay people, they have led their state into a whirl storm of bad publicity for absolutely no good reason. And this is the kind of bad publicity that can have real economic costs. Virginia is an absolutely beautiful state filled with many charming enlightened people; it is exactly the kind of state that a corporation would consider when choosing a new business location. But after this craziness, who knows how much revenue the state has lost. Unless they carry placards and picket, it is hard to know just how many customers are avoiding your store and quietly deciding to take their business elsewhere.

April 7, 2010

Ruminations: The Vatican is not alone in exhibiting tone deafness. The Governor of Virginia, Robert F. McDonnell, has just willfully stepped on a landmine by declaring that April will be Confederate History Month in Virginia. And to compound his stupidity, (according to the Washington Post), "McDonnell said he did not include a reference to slavery because "there were any number of aspects to that conflict between the states. Obviously, it involved slavery. It involved other issues. But I focused on the ones I thought were most significant for Virginia."

Significant to which Virginians? Certainly slavery is the only significant issue for black people and people of good conscience. But southern conservatives just don't get it and there is actually a reason. For years Southern school children (including Miss Wendy) were taught that the Civil War was fought for economic reasons and that Lincoln freed the slaves almost as an afterthought. They (we) were also taught about the glory of the South and told that the Confederacy's leaders were Olympic Gods.

It is time for a change of mind. Just as the citizens of Nazi Germany were forced to confront the Holocaust, the last remaining southerners who still don't
"get it" need to confront the sins of their racist past. It simply does not matter that there were "other issues" in the Civil War. Slavery is such a stain upon the story of the Confederacy, no right thinking person would ever think there was anything to celebrate.

P. S. I bet there are a lot of men in Virginia (and other states) who would love to celebrate the good old days when women were not allowed to vote. But no Governor would be stupid enough to designate a month to celebrate that lofty idea.

P. P. S. I know McDonnell decided to honor the Confederacy to appeal to the white conservative Republicans who revere Virginia's past. But what about Virginia's future? How can you attract businesses to move to Virginia after such an appalling misstep? Potential investors will not only think the state is hide bound, they will also perceive the state to be stupid, as in stupid enough to elect a really stupid governor.

April 5, 2010

Ruminations: Oh my oh my, could the Vatican be more tone deft? First, the Pope's personal pastor, Father Raniero Cantalamessa, said that "criticism of the Catholic Church over child sex abuse was as bad as anti-Semitism." Then he compounded the problem by issuing this apology, "If I inadvertently hurt the feelings of Jews and pedophilia victims, I sincerely regret it and I apologize." (FoxNews.com) Then today, Cardinal Angelo Sodano lauded the pontiff as "a solid rock", and said. "Holy Father, the people of God are with you and will not let themselves be influenced by the petty gossip of the moment, by the trials that sometimes assail the community of believers," Cardinal Sodano said.

The Holy See would do well to cease speaking until they can get the advice of a PR Agency with experience in damage control who can start by explainning to them that they are not the victims (two hundred deaf boys is just the latest nightmare story). Perhaps they could speak to the firm that handled the Exxon Valdez oil spill or the firm that handled Martha Stewart's fall from grace into prison. Or who did Barry Bonds hire? Yes, it's that bad; the Vatican has a new groups of peers.

For a noble response to the scandal, see this BBC article about the Easter Sunday sermons of Archbishop Vincent Nichols, the head of the Catholic Church in England and Wales and Cardinal Keith O'Brien, head of the Catholic Church in Scotland.

April 2, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Just when you thought being a Republican honcho could not possibly be more fun (trips to bondage clubs, five star hotels, limousines and private jets), the Republican faithful have now received a letter directing them to call a phone sex operation (it was surely a typo, right?). According to MSNBC.com, "People who tried to call the committee were instead offered "live, one-on-one talk with a nasty girl for $2.99 a minute."

Doesn't that make you laugh and giggle until you are snorting like a pig and peeing in your pants?

April 1, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The news is full of stories about the upcoming repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" with much wringing of hands by macho Marine commanders about how heterosexual Marines cannot be expected to share communal quarters and communal showers with homosexual Marines. (See WashingtonPost.com)

Some Comments:

1. Why in a day when there is such a shortage of service men and women can't we finally figure out a way to allow gay service members to serve openly?

2. What's this business with the communal showers in the first place? Are the armed services trying to promote homosexuality? If the military can afford to pay sizable resigning bonuses, why can't they afford shower stalls and drab green shower curtains? Where else but in the armed services do grown men and women shower together unless they have "something going on"?

3. Why don't some of these hang-wringing commanders take a visit to a local high school and talk to the students about their views. Most students have grown up with openly gay classmates and tend to have a "so what?" attitude about homosexuality.

Since gays came out in the open after the 1969 Stonewall Riots, almost everyone (except Marine commanders) has gone to school with and worked with openly gay men and women. And with this familiarity comes acceptance.

5. Gays are already serving in the military, just as they are present in every other segment of society. All the repeal of "Don't' Ask Don't Tell" will do is allow these servicemen and women to quit pretending to be heterosexual.

6. Marine commanders are probably one of the few groups of society who have not had the experience of openly working with gays and lesbians, so they are bound to be fearful of the unknown. But, hey, they are the Marines, so they are perfectly capable of showing the world how tough they are by supporting equal rights for all.

March 30, 2010

The Beat Goes On: There is a fun article on MSNBC.com about how the Republican party has asked to be reimbursed for previously paid for a "night out on the town" at a topless joint; the bill was $1946 (could there be a higher level of scrutiny for bills over 2000?). The article also states that "the RNC spent tens of thousands of dollars in February on private planes, car services and high-end hotels."

This hypocrisy is great fun for the entire family. The Republicans have always been the party of "I got mine, you get yours" who in order to get elected, invite the "just folks" into their "big" tent. And the "just folks" are usually flattered to be invited and are seemingly not turned off by anything trivial like their donor dollars paying for strip clubs, limousines, 4 Star Hotels or Sarah Palin's $150,000 plus wardrobe (Huffington Post).

But perhaps the Tea Partiers (the Republican Party is trying to seduce these musket-carrying-marchers into a make-out session), will have a different view.

When it comes to the Republican party and the mad-as-hell Tea Partiers, perhaps the Republican would do well to jettison their "Let the good times roll" lifestyle and heed the advice of Mahatma Ghandi who famously said, "There go my people, I must hurry to catch up with them for I am their leader."

Snicker! Snicker! It is always fun to catch Republicans with their silk boxers caught on their garters.

March 27, 2010

Ruminations: There is going to be a tea party rally against the new Health Care Bill today in Senator Harry Reid's home town of Searchlight, Nevada. The "tea party" movement is a national phenomena, organized and energized by the spirit of "being agin it." The Republicans are trying mightily to embrace the tea partyers as part of a conservative coalition, but the musket-carrying tea partyers don't seem to care too much for the GOP's solicitations since they were the ones in power when the financial ship went down. And the GOP is trying mightily to keep their base from remembering that requiring everyone to carry health insurance was their idea in the first place (NYDailyNews.com); Democrats wanted a government run plan.

See this fun quote from the Daily News article: ""The idea of an individual mandate as an alternative to single-payer was a Republican idea," said health economist Mark Pauly of the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School. In 1991, he published a paper that explained how a mandate could be combined with tax credits - two ideas that are now part of Obama's law. Pauly's paper was well-received - by the George H.W. Bush administration. "It could have been the basis for a bipartisan compromise, but it wasn't," said Pauly. "Because the Democrats were in favor, the Republicans more or less had to be against it."

By stirring up such extreme anger, the tea partiers have also embedded the trigger of their own destruction. Anytime you call out angry while males, they arrive with some (hopefully) unwelcome companions - the nut jobs. These nut jobs yelled the N word on the Capital steps and have both threatened and performed acts of violence against Democrats who voted for health reform. Tea parties already feature protestors with holstered guns. Screaming that we are at Armageddon and the country has been stolen, is a lighted fuse next to a gun powder keg.

And the sad part is that years from now, after all of this is over and universal health care coverage is just another popular government program like Medicare and Social Security, many of the people attending these rallies won't be able to tell their home health care attendant (part of Health Care Reform) just what they were angry about in the first place. They sure arn't bitching about Social Security or Medicare.

March 26, 2010

The Beat Goes On: A fourth woman has surfaced claiming she was also Jesse James' mistress. And right off the bat she has hired Gloria Allred to represent her.

According to MSNBC.com: "Allred isn’t making her client’s name public, but she told RadarOnline.com, “I represent a beautiful model and businesswoman. She had a three-year intimate relationship with Jesse James.”

Represent her doing what? Since when does the art of "being a skank" require representation? People in Afghanistan know the guy is married so there were no false representations here. So, I guess it is "story to the highest bidder time." And to think, they fired Governor Blagojevich for attempting to sell his integrity (and a Senate seat).

Are we in Gomorrah yet?

Ruminations: There is scandal in Mississippi: The school board of Itawamba Agricultural High School has cancelled the prom rather than let a lesbian wear a tuxedo and attend the prom with her girlfriend. And now a Federal Court has ruled that the school board has violated her rights, leaving the door wide open for a law suit. And here again, everyone who is lucky enough to not live in Mississippi is having a grand old time snickering at the utter stupidity of some more backward-ass-country-f*cks.

This is such a silly problem to have; it could so easily been deflected. All the "school board" needed to do when asked by the young woman if she could take her girlfriend to the prom is say, "What the hey? Why are you talking to us about who you are going to take to the prom, don't you have any girlfriends to gossip with?" Girls and guys without dates have been attending prom in perpetuity and they arrive in tandem - girls with girls and guys with guys. Plus anyone who has attended a high school dance recently would realize that it is impossible to tell who is dancing with whom; everyone hits the dance floor together. And as for the tuxedo, so what? The girl would be dressed very modestly, unlike many other girls who will be showing way too much cleavage and butt crack. If they really wanted to be ornery and preserve decorum, they could have solved this entire problem by ruling that everyone had to wear a tuxedo.

But all they had to do to keep out of the news (BBC is covering the story!) and law court is to say, "Everyone can attend the prom and there is to be no making out on the dance floor, period. Now let's get back to talking about something really important like our reading scores." End of story.

March 20, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Tiger Woods must be truly grateful to Jesse James for knocking him off the top of the tabloid heap when he (Jesse) cheated on American's Sweetheart (Sandra Bullock) with a skanky tattooed fetish model named Michelle "Bombshell" McGee. The man set out to get himself a "little stange" and boy did he succeed.

March 19, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Those crazy thong-clad Boulder, Colorado gardeners are back in the news today (MSNBC.com). The Boulder Housing Authority is considering new rules that would mandate that their tenants be covered up while outside (being topless is actually legal in Boulder). This story has nothing to do with prurience (the gardeners are fiftiesh Boulder hippies) but a lot to do with tolerance. But my real question is: Why has this come up right now? It is freezing in Colorado. Are those nut jobs baring their posteriors in the snow or is this just a preemptive strike?

P. S. Have you noticed that no news outlet is posting photos of the almost nude gardeners? The sight must be truly horrifying.

March 18, 2010

The Beat Goes On: There is a fun article peppering the airways: The Hawaii Legislature is grumpily considering legislation authorizing government officials to ignore the birthers who keep bugging them for a copy of Obama's birth certificate. It seems that responding to the same requests over and over again is taking up too much of their clerk's time (no one can get a copy of someone else's birth certificate unless they have a verifiable interest - parent etc.).

Here is an idea: Ask those birther nut jobs to send a copy of their own birth certificates to be published in the local newspapers and if no one pops up to say it is a fake, they can see a copy of Obama's.

March 17, 2010

Ruminations: Whatever did we do with our time before the saga of Tiger Woods and how many of us are planning on watching the Masters Golf Tournament for the first time in ours lives?

It won't become a habit. Watching golf on tv is BORING and everyone who lives in New York has ADD.

March 15, 2010

The Beat Goes On: John Edward's mistress (and the mother of his love child), Rielle Hunter, has given an interview to GQ magazine where she strikes sultry poses with her daughter, her daughter's toys and lolling on a bed while wearing a man's white dress shirt and nothing else. And now we are being told (by Barbara Walters no less) that Hunter was very upset when she saw the interview and the photos. Was she not there?

"O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us." Robert Burns.

March 14, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Tiger Woods and his wife Elin are now living under the same roof. I am so relieved. Now the world can go back to spinning on its axle.

March 13, 2010

Pamela Anderson at the
Richie Rich Fashion Show
Amnesia
February 17, 2010
Photo Credit Eka Halim

Dear Miss Wendy: Has Pamela Anderson found the fountain of youth and if so, would she please bottle it?

Sincerely,

Envyeyes

Dear Eyes,

No. The forty-something Miss Anderson is no more than a genetic accident; something that has never happened before and will not happen again.

March 12, 2010

Simon Cowell is engaged. Let's all yawn in unison.

March 11, 2010

Ruminations: We've fallen for it again. Lindsey Lohan has filed suit against Etrade claiming that their Super Bowl ad libeled her. The ad featured a "milkaholic" baby named Lindsey. And all magazines and talk shows are howling that this lawsuit is utterly ridiculous, and of course, it is.

But the true genius of this whole mishegas is that everyone is talking about Lindsey Lohan, which is something absolutely no one would be doing if she were not making a fool of herself in public with this silly law suit. Lindsey is a lady whose fifteen minutes were up with I Know Who Killed Me.

So a good time has been had by all and the party is over. Now Miss Lohan, it is time for you to fish your panties out of the punch bowl and go home.

P. S. E Trade is also getting an unexpected benefit - their commercial is running for free on all the daytime talk shows and the nightly news.

The Beat Goes On: Corey Haim has died unexpectedly and this is a loss for all who loved him.

But here again, the ridiculous God has raised his head. All the magazine are reporting the ominous fact that Haim had four prescription drugs in his home that were unrelated to his flu. Excuse me! Would all of the writers who are reporting the number of bottles in Haim's medicine cabinet, please go home and count how many prescription drug bottles are in their own medicine cabinets. And unless they compulsively throw away all prescriptions after they no longer need them, they probably have about a dozen.

March 10, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The internet is all abuzz with stories about how Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's three year old Shiloh is dressing like a boy. "Is this good for the child? What about her gender identity?"

When I read these things I am constantly amazed at how many people have obviously never met a three year old. Three year old girls and boys wear what they want to wear or all hell breaks lose in the household. Shiloh obviously adores her older brothers and wants to wear their clothes; they are the cool kids in the household and she wants to do what they do.

My son insisted on wearing a tiger costume and a man's fedora for ONE YEAR. My friend's daughter became hysterical if you tired to make her wear a dress. My cousin insisted on wearing her dresses backwards.

But none of this lasts. Kids get fixated with one idea and then they are on to another. Shiloh may want to dress as a boy for the rest of her life, but that is extremely doubtful. She is undoubtedly wildly creative like her parents, and who knows what she will come up with next.

Many kudos to Angelina and Brad for having the wisdom to simply say, "So?"

March 9, 2010

Dear Miss Wendy,

I am a married woman in her thirties and my husband and I socialize with a couple that is still dating. Our problem is not that they are still single and have not joined the drudgery of suburban married life, but they insist on PDA (public displays of affection). It is embarrassing to be with them when they can't keep their hands off each other - making out in restaurants, even once in front of MY MOTHER.

Do you have any suggestions to put out their fire?

Sincerely,

Red-faced in New Jersey

Dear Red,

I can only sympathize. If your friends are also in their thirties and still have no shame, no amount of hissing will be able to stop them once they start groping.

Airline attendants used to throw blankets over passengers who became too amorous, but even that is no longer an option (no blankets).

Here is a little story that may cheer you up:

I grew up in rural Texas and folks in rural Texas used to keep a bucket of water on the front porch in case they saw the preacher's car coming round the bend while the un-fixed dogs were going at it in the front yard. You can't realistically pour a bucket of water on your friends, but you can enjoy thinking about it.

March 8, 2010

Demi Moore
Bob Charlotte / PR Photos

Here is a You Got It Going Girl Award for Demi Moore. Moore looked utterly stunning at last night's 82nd Annual Academy Award Ceremony, wearing an Atelier Versace tiered blush gown. The forty-seven year old Mrs. Ashton Kutcher has definitely found the Fountain of Youth and I can only wish she would bottle and sell it.

March 7, 2010

Alan Cumming
Fashion For Relief™ -Haiti NYC
Photo Credit Cindy Ord

The Beat Goes On: Here is a You Got It Going Girl (Guy) Award for Mr. Alan Cumming who charmingly modeled the latest in kilts at the Mercedes Benz Fashion Week Fashion For Relief™ -Haiti NYC.

March 6, 2010

Monique
PR Photos

The Beat Goes On: The Oscars are tomorrow night and the buzz is a'buzzing. High on the twitter twee is Monique's chance to bring home the Best Supporting Actress statue for her spellbinding performance in Precious. But also atwittering away is comment about how MONIQUE DOES NOT SHAVE HER LEGS (a subject that is a lot more important than her silly belief in open marriage).

Compounding this hairy-legged assault on the popular culture's sensibilities is the fact that Monique only goes by Monique; the woman does not have a last name. So when someone says tactful things like, "Oh gross, Monique does not shave her legs," all the other Moniques feel like they have to pull up their skirts or trouser legs and demonstrate their acquaintance with razors, depilatories or the waxing parlor. It must be exhausting for the poor dears.

Miss Monique needs to be MoNeat.

March 5, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The internet is abuzz with the story of Sarah Palin's trip to Los Angeles (she was in town to be a guest on Jay Leno's Tonight Show). It seems that Palin and entourage have loaded up on goody bags at the Oscar gifting suite and that Bristol took advantage of a free make-over. So what? Everyone involved got loads of free publicity from this grabbing-the-goody-bag story, both the Oscars and the Palins.

But the real story is how long will it be before Palin realizes that in her heart and soul, she is an Angeleno - the epitome of LaLa in LaLaLand. Hey, you can say Palin is a free spirited conservative who cannot leave the land of crack and moose, but LA has been a welcoming home to myriad "characters" who would not at first glance seem destined for the City of the Angels such as cowboys Tom Mix and Wyatt Earp, radio evangelist Amy Semple McPherson and the eccentric conservative aviator Howard Hughes. LA is a politically liberal town that loves its conservative weirdoes the way clams love grains of sand.

March 4, 2010

Kate Gosselin Before New Hair-Do
Photo Credit PR Photos

The Beat Goes On: Working-mother-of-eight Kate Gosselin made the cut: She will be on Dancing With the Stars. Now she really has an opportunity to get on her publicity hound ex-husband Jon's nerves - rub, rub, rub it in. As the Sicilians say: Revenge is a dish best served cold.

P. S. to both Jon Gosselin and the Octomon: There are two elements to being becoming a real celebrity - notoriety and talent. It's never too late to sign up for piano lessons.

March 3, 2010

Courtney Love
Shockwaves NME Awards 2010
Carling Brixton Academy / London, UK
February 24, 2010
Solarpix / PR Photos

Here is a Helena Bonham Carter Unmade Bed Fashion Award for Miss Courtney Love as she trots around London looking like Clara Bow dumped an Edwardian-era costume trunk on her head.

March 2, 2010

Dear Miss Wendy,

New York Governor David Patterson is embroiled in a nasty scandal - he allegedly asked two staffers to contact a woman (who had reported a domestic violence incident involving one of his aides) and ask her to recant (nydailynews.com). First Spitzer and now this: are we living in Illinois?

Sincerely,

Political Junkie

Dear Junkie,

Yes.

March 1, 2010

The Beat Goes On: It's Monday morning and the world is turning: Britney Spears is back to being blonde; the Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller and the Tiger Woods/Elin Nordegren marriages are still on the skids; Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt took part of their kids to Angelina's Venice film set (they can never take them all - four still need to be carried); the Oscar ceremony is March 7, 2010- and the world is atwitter about whether Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will be funny - together; and if you are into this kind of thing, the new cast of Dancing With the Stars will be announced tonight during The Bachelor (scuttlebutt says it won't be the world's most annoying dancer, Paula Abdul).

The Gods are chasing each other around Heaven, all is right in the world and I am overcome by the sheer banality of our tabloided existence.

Do you have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at wendy@newyorkcool.com

All of Miss Wendy's old columns are in the New York Cool Archive Section:

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/November-December/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/September-October/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/July-August/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/May-June/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/March-April/ask.html

newyorkcool.com/archives/2010/January-February/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/December/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/November/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/October/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/September/ask.html

http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/August/ask.html