I am a young man
who recently graduated from college and moved
to New York. I met a really nice girl at
work but whenever we go out, she insists on bringing
along her best girlfriend from college.
They are both very nice but I really like the
first girl and would like some time alone with
her.
Sincerely,
- She thinks of you as a friend
and is bringing another girl along to keep
things light.
- She thinks of the other
girl as a "friend" and is bringing you along
as her beard.
- This is New York and
this maybe just be the beginning of one of
those new trendy threesomes . If this is the
case, be sure to write back with the details.
Dear Miss Wendy,
There is so much nudity today.
What does the new etiquette say about that?
Sincerely,
The
Coppertone Baby
Dear Baby,
Nudity is still proper in certain
circumstances - your babyhood being the best
example. Gym locker rooms are also appropriate
but please don't stand around drying your hair
in the nude - you know who you are so STOP
IT! As for dancing in front of your windows
in buff, your neighbors became consenting adults
when they bought their telescopes. And
certain things between the sheets still required
nudity but would everyone in New York please
start putting on a robe before they open the
door for the Chinese restaurant delivery person. My
delivery man is so used to being flashed by all
the hot and cold running perverts in the city,
he seems perplexed to find me dressed.
Dear Miss Wendy
I'm a gay man. Do I
have to live in Chelsea and do I have to work
out at a gym?
Sincerely,
Roscoe
Dear Roscie,
Yes and yes. I don't
write rules, I just report them. There
are some gay men who have a grandfathered
right to live in the West Village but most of
them look like grandfathers.
P. S. I hope you are waxing
your back.
Dear Miss Wendy,
What do you think about gays
getting married?
Sincerely,
Very Wang
Dear Very,
Well we are all going to need
lots of wonderful new clothes and there is no
point in planning a vacations any time soon.
All possible disposable income will be needed
to purchase fabulous gifts for all the Queer
Eyed weddings this summer.
Dear Miss Wendy,
My boyfriend spends more time
with his guy friends than he does with me. What
should I suspect?
Sincrely,
Devastated on Clinton Street
Dear Devie,
That should be whom should
I suspect dear.
Dear Miss Wendy,
I am stunningly beautiful and
cannot get a date.
Sincerely,
Madonna #2
Dear Maddie,
Miss Wendy has no solution
for your problem. She can only sympathize, having
the same problem herself.
Dear Miss Wendy,
My boyfriend is better looking
than I am and everyone hits on him.
Sincerely,
Desperate in Yorkville
Dear Yorkie,
Please send a photo of your
boyfriend and be kind enough to include his
phone number.
Dear Miss Wendy,
Should I date a bartender?
Sincerely,
Barfly Baby
Dear Baby,
Yes from ages 21-25 and then
no.
Dear Miss Wendy,
I saw this darling actor in
a play and want to know how I can meet him.
Sincerely,
Adoring in Tribecca
Dear Becca,
Go to the bar where he work
and buy a drink. But please see former letter
regarding aging out of the bartending scene.
Dear Miss Wendy,
I moved to New York
last year and can not find a nice boy. Help.
Sincerely,
Lovelorn on East Fiftieth
Street
Dear Lovelorn,
The only people who want nice
boys are pre-pubescent girls and middle aged
gay men. Please clarify.
P. S. If you are a teenage girl, enroll in an out of town college, preferably
Ole Miss. But remember - college is a vacation and you should never marry
anyone you meet on vacation.
P. P. S. Why are you living on East Fiftieth Street? Is there anyone alive
on East Fiftieth Street?
Dear Miss Wendy,
I am a single woman in my early
forties who lives on East Fiftieth Street and
I would love to adopt a nice baby boy.
Sincerely,
Adelaide Eastchester
Dear Miss Eastchester,
You have the wrong column.
If you want to know have to create a baby boy,
write back but first move from East Fiftieth
Street. I'm from Texas and I know how to hunt.
If you want Gucci - the Houston Galleria, a duck
or a man - a duck blind....etc. etc.
Dear Miss Wendy,
My gay lover of seven years
has left me for a younger man, a book editor
who wears Oliver Peeples glasses. He is now living
with him and his Black Lab. I am devasted, what
do I do?
Sincerely,
Griffin from Chelsea
Dear Griffie,
Oh poor dear. I wish I could
help but I don't have enough information. Visit
them, using any excuse - picking up your softball
glove, borrowing a cummerbund to wear to your
Log Cabin Republican meeting. While there, scan
the book shelves, note the titles and especially
whether he reads poetry. And take a photo of
the dog and send it to me with you next letter.
We will get to the bottom of this.
Dear Miss Wendy,
I visted them and they now
have two Black Labs. Should I have photographed
both?
Sincerely,
Griffin from Chelsea
Dear Griffie,
All hope is lost. Moving in
with a man who has one dog is an act of stupidity,
committing to two dogs demands true love.
Dear Miss Wendy,
I resent your inferring that
I could belong to the Log Cabin Republicans.
I may be alone but I'm not desperate.
Sincerely,
Griffin from Chelsea
Dear Griffie,
Well pardon me. I was just
trying to be inclusive. And besides....at a time
like this, you better be able to raise a big
tent.
So there.
P.S. Griffin...sorry to be
so snippy. Miss Wendy was a life time Democrat
until she moved to New York and all the photographers
at Democratic Fund Raisers kept insisting that
she stand in the back row during the photo shoots
. Something about how pink polyester looks better
from a distance.
Do
You have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at
newyorkcoolstuff@aol.com
