New York Cool


Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo: Stephen Mosher

Click here for Miss Wendy's Latest Column

Dear Miss Wendy,

I am a young man who recently graduated from college and moved to New York.  I met a really nice girl at work but whenever we go out, she insists on bringing along her best girlfriend from college.  They are both very nice but I really like the first girl and would like some time alone with her. 

Sincerely,

Unsure

Dear Unsure,
 
There are three possible explanations:

  1. She thinks of you as a friend and is bringing another girl along to keep things light.
  2. She thinks of the other girl as a "friend" and is bringing you along as her beard.
  3. This is New York  and this maybe just be the beginning of one of those new trendy threesomes . If this is the case, be sure to write back with the details.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

There is so much nudity today. What does the new etiquette say about that?

Sincerely,

The Coppertone Baby

Dear Baby,

Nudity is still proper in certain circumstances - your babyhood being the best example. Gym locker rooms are also appropriate but please don't stand around drying your hair in the nude - you know who you are so  STOP IT!  As for dancing in front of your windows in buff, your neighbors became consenting adults when they bought their telescopes.  And certain things between the sheets still required nudity but would everyone in New York please start putting on a robe before they open the door for the Chinese restaurant delivery person.  My delivery man is so used to being flashed by all the hot and cold running perverts in the city, he seems perplexed to find me dressed.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy

I'm a gay man.  Do I have to live in Chelsea and do I have to work out at a gym? 

Sincerely,

Roscoe

Dear Roscie,

Yes and yes.  I don't write rules, I just report them.  There are some gay men who have a  grandfathered right to live in the West Village but most of them look like grandfathers.

P. S. I hope you are waxing your back.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

What do you think about gays getting married?

Sincerely,

Very Wang

Dear Very,

Well we are all going to need lots of wonderful new clothes and there is no point in planning a vacations any time soon.  All possible disposable income will be needed to purchase fabulous gifts for all the Queer Eyed weddings this summer.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

My boyfriend spends more time with his guy friends than he does with me. What should I suspect?

Sincrely,

Devastated on Clinton Street

Dear Devie,

That should be whom should I suspect dear.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

I am stunningly beautiful and cannot get a date.

Sincerely,

Madonna #2

Dear Maddie,

Miss Wendy has no solution for your problem. She can only sympathize, having the same problem herself.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

My boyfriend is better looking than I am and everyone hits on him.

Sincerely,

Desperate in Yorkville

Dear Yorkie,

Please send a photo of your boyfriend and be kind enough to include his phone number.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

Should I date a bartender?

Sincerely,

Barfly Baby

Dear Baby,

Yes from ages 21-25 and then no.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

I saw this darling actor in a play and want to know how I can meet him.

Sincerely,

Adoring in Tribecca

Dear Becca,

Go to the bar where he work and buy a drink. But please see former letter regarding aging out of the bartending scene.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,


I moved to New York last year and can not find a nice boy. Help.


Sincerely,

Lovelorn on East Fiftieth Street

Dear Lovelorn,

The only people who want nice boys are pre-pubescent girls and middle aged gay men. Please clarify.
 
P. S. If you are a teenage girl, enroll in an out of town college, preferably Ole Miss. But remember - college is a vacation and you should never marry anyone you meet on vacation.
P. P. S. Why are you living on East Fiftieth Street? Is there anyone alive on East Fiftieth Street?

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

I am a single woman in my early forties who lives on East Fiftieth Street and I would love to adopt a nice baby boy.

Sincerely,

Adelaide Eastchester

Dear Miss Eastchester,

You have the wrong column. If you want to know have to create a baby boy, write back but first move from East Fiftieth Street. I'm from Texas and I know how to hunt. If you want Gucci - the Houston Galleria, a duck or a man - a duck blind....etc. etc.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

My gay lover of seven years has left me for a younger man, a book editor who wears Oliver Peeples glasses. He is now living with him and his Black Lab. I am devasted, what do I do?

Sincerely,

Griffin from Chelsea

Dear Griffie,

Oh poor dear. I wish I could help but I don't have enough information. Visit them, using any excuse - picking up your softball glove, borrowing a cummerbund to wear to your Log Cabin Republican meeting. While there, scan the book shelves, note the titles and especially whether he reads poetry. And take a photo of the dog and send it to me with you next letter. We will get to the bottom of this.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

I visted them and they now have two Black Labs. Should I have photographed both?

Sincerely,

Griffin from Chelsea

Dear Griffie,

All hope is lost. Moving in with a man who has one dog is an act of stupidity, committing to two dogs demands true love.

 


 

Dear Miss Wendy,

I resent your inferring that I could belong to the Log Cabin Republicans. I may be alone but I'm not desperate.

Sincerely,

Griffin from Chelsea

Dear Griffie,

Well pardon me. I was just trying to be inclusive. And besides....at a time like this, you better be able to raise a big tent.
So there.

P.S. Griffin...sorry to be so snippy. Miss Wendy was a life time Democrat until she moved to New York and all the photographers at Democratic Fund Raisers kept insisting that she stand in the back row during the photo shoots . Something about how pink polyester looks better from a distance.

 

Do You have a Question for Miss Wendy?
Email her at
newyorkcoolstuff@aol.com

 

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