Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo: Stephen Mosher

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Dear Miss Wendy,

Thanksgiving is coming and my boyfriend and I are planning to cook dinner for all our friends who will be staying in the city during the holiday. But here is my problem: every time I bend over to put something in the oven or wash a dish in the sink, my boyfriend - well you know. Should I have the meal catered?

Yours truly,

Perturbed

Dear Perpie,

Just send that horny boy out to buy some of the things you will need for the meal like lime green jello, cool whip and Le Seur extra fancy small green peas. And if the silly boy gets even more randy thoughts from purchasing items like jello and cool whip and comes running home to convince you to play "stuff the turkey" on top of the dining room table, afterwards you and your friends can at least eat the peas.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Miss Wendy

Dear Miss Wendy,

I have a delicate problem. My boyfriend and I both love our Ipods but we bought them before custom personalization was available, so they do look alike. Well, the other night we were doing "what we do" and in the heat of the moment both of our ear pieces fell from our ears. I discretely grabbed for my ear piece, accidentally got his instead and was promptly horrified. He was listening to some awful rap song with lyrics like, "F... that b...." I was so shocked I was incapable of saying anything at the time, but now I feel that I must bring it up.

Sincerely yours,

Music Lover

Dear Music Lover,

I am very glad you did not mention accidentally hearing his music. The new Ipods are very personal instruments and can enhance a person's private sexual fantasies. The most polite thing to have done was to have said nothing, quietly pulled his ear piece out of your ear and discretely reinserted your own. Then you could have finished your "activities" listening to something you really enjoy, like Jessica Simpson's new hit, "Take My Breath Away."

Fondly,

Miss Wendy