Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo: Stephen Mosher

Dear Miss Wendy,
I am dying to know what you think about the situation over in New Jersey. What ever was going on with Governor McGreevey and that cute boy, Gordon Cipel?
Intrigued

My dear Intrigued,
Thank goodness you had a second sentence. I would have to write a book the size of the Manhattan phone book to explain New Jersey. And you must have a pretty good idea of what was going on with Governor McGreevey and Mr. Cipel. It sounds like the oldest story in the world. A pretty paramour professes undying love for a powerful man and then poof - the greed fairy arrives and whisper in our heroine's ear - he has money and you don't, you put out, why shouldn't he?

The only difference is that now we have a dashing male heroine, Gordon Cipel, a former Israeli army officer. Please bring me my smelling salts! Gordon has now joined the illustrious ranks of women-done-wrong, Monica Lewinsky, Jennifer Flowers, Linda Jones (of Henry Cisneros fame). Lots more will soon be known about Gordon. His life will be an open book, his every coming and going carefully documented by Michael Musto and Gawker. And the beat goes on.

Dear Miss Wendy,
I have spent all my available disposable funds and will be stuck in New York when the Republicans invade. How can I avoid them? If I do manage to scrap together enough loose change to buy a few beers in a bar, how can I avoid waking up next to one the following morning?
Broke but Politically Aware

Dear Polly,

Well, Republicans don't glow in the dark, even the ones that run nuclear plants. They resemble normal people, except for their unfortunate tendency to wear pastels. You will simply have to avoid the places where they will tend to congregate: chain restaurants, chain hotels, Macys, Lord and Taylor, Saks, sporting events, super expensive restaurants, Gucci, Calvin Klein, Scores etc. etc. You should be safe at small restaurants in the East Village and Brooklyn and at all Golds Gyms. You may see Arnold Schwarzenegger working out at a Golds Gum (Equinox is way too girly for him), but he will be the only Republican there and he is too campy to miss.