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What's Up For Today?

Ask Miss Wendy -  Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice to New York's Sexually Challenged

Miss Wendy's Texas Love Advice
Plus Some Occasional Comments on the
State of the Popular Culture

Ask Miss Wendy
L-R: Michael Mazocco, Wendy R. Williams, Armistead Johnson
Photo Credit: Stephen Mosher

July 11, 2010

It has been an interesting week in celebrity culture. Lindsay Lohan, Tinseltown's favorite train wreck, has been sentenced to 90 days in jail and 90 days in rehab for violating her three year probation for drunk driving. She was supposed to attend "Alcohol Education" classes on a weekly basis and she missed sessions nine out of a twenty-seven week period. Charlie Sheen, one of Tinseltown's perpetual train wrecks, now has an August court date where he will make arrangements/ be sentenced to go to jail for approximately 30 days for a domestic violence incident in Aspen, Colorado last Christmas. Both Lohan and Sheen are doing everything they can to keep from having to go to jail, while the public snickers, jeers and pontificates that they need to "man up" and take their licks. Schadenfreude sure can be a bitch.

But there is a bit more to these stories. Both Lohan and Sheen are two-pack-a- day-smokers and they will be entering jails with no smoking policies. And going cold turkey off cigarettes is thought to be like getting off heroin (New York Times article). (I quit over twenty years ago and the reason I never started up again is that I was deathly afraid of having to quit again.)

If Lohan and Sheen can complete their sentences and leave jail nicotine free (and alcohol and drug free?) they will have been given an incredible gift, but one can certainly understand why they would rather not detoxify in in solitary confinement in a jail cell.

Having said that, I drive on the LA freeways myself and am in full support of the court system doing everything they can to keep drunks from driving. And kudos to the Aspen Court system for sticking Sheen's nose into the poop for his Christmas Day brawl with his wife.

Mel Gibson: Now this is a man who needs to immediately get a cat scan to find out exactly what kind of sewer is bubbling in his brain. Oksana Grigorieva, Gibson's ex-mistress and the mother of his love child, has (supposedly) recorded his racist/misogynistic violent rants and leaked these rants to the tabloids, causing his agents to drop him and seriously endangering his access to the child he had with Grigorieva. It is hard to feel sorry for Gibson. He has known for years that he cannot control his mouth when he drinks and yet he still continues to drink and shoot off his mouth.

It is a shame that Jamie Spears, Britney Spear's father, cannot be cloned. Lohan, Sheen and Gibson could all use an intervention/conservatorship session with Papa Spears.

On to Al Gore: There have been no other masseuses suddenly remembering that Al Gore is a naughty boy on the massage table. Unlike the saga of Tiger Woods and Jesse James, there have been no spectacle of crying masseuses holding press conferences while Gloria Allred pats their back and supplies the kleenex. Woods and James had a bevy of undulating mistresses vying for tabloid attention within days of the first National Enquirer story about their misdeeds. So where are Gore's? Is it possible that there are none and Gore is exactly what he seems, a nicely boring wooden nerd?


July 10, 2010

Franck Sorbier Fashion Show Backstage
Paris Fashion Week Haute Couture Fall/Winter 2011
Sotheby's / Paris, France
July 7, 2010
Photo Credit: Pixplanete / PR Photos

Ruminations: There is just something about the French. Yes, they can be frogs but they do hop with tude.


July 2, 2010

The Beat Goes On: The masseuse who accuses Al Gore of unwanted sexual contact during a message session in 2006 has decided to identify herself. Her name is Molly Hagerty.

So here we go. The National Enquirer has printed her story verbatim with large accusatory headlines. But there is not much of a case here. Even her "pants in a bag" won't work because there has been a huge break in the chain of evidence (I watch Law & Order).

And two days from now, the Enquirer will need fresh fodder and they won't get it from Gore who has simply denied the incident and will not speak further. Nor are they likely to uncover other salacious details about Al Gore's past to continue to stoke the scandal pyre. He is Al Gore, after all, and if there had been something, it would have come out long ago. And besides, who really wants to know about Al Gore's sex life? So, what is left? Why Miss Hagerty herself, whose entire life will now be open to Enquiring eyes. Everyone she did not get along with in eighth grade will be interviewed and that is just the beginning. Very few people live lives that can withstand that kind of scrutiny.

Ordinary citizens who are suddenly thrust into the spotlight and courted by fawning reporters should always look behind their shoulders to see the barbeque spit the reporters are preparing in their honor. Miss Hagerty's name will soon be "lunch."



July 1, 2010

The Beat Goes On: According to The Daily News, an English woman named Caroline Cartwright has been threatened with jail (AGAIN!) is she does not cease making so much noise while making love that passersby on the street can hear her. According to the article, "At one point, even a postman walking by complained" about her lovemaking sessions which according to court records could go on for three hours.

If you click on the link and check out the perps and you can see why the neighbors were complaining. This sex noise had no prurience factor because the Cartwright and her husband are just ordinary looking middle aged folks. Now if the moaners had been Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, the aggrieved neighbors could have compensated themselves for their aggravation by selling tickets.

Whenever there is a story in the news about nude gardeners or noisy love makers, it is always just some frumpy-looking blokes. This is the reason nudist camps have never become wildly popular - they are all populated by people you would never want to see naked.

June 29, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Texas is in the news this week and not in a good way. Representative Louie Gohmert stood up on the floor of the House of Representatives to announce that terrorists were plotting to bring pregnant "terrorist" women to the United States to have babies thus giving these "baby terrorists" American citizenship. These babies would then be returned to the mother ship to be raised to become full grown terrorists who would return to the United States to attack us.

Don't we have enough to worry about without concocting this far fetched xenophobic plot? We have our hands full dealing with our own homegrown non/baby brand of terrorism - Timothy McVeigh, the Unabomber, Eric Rudolph, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold of Columbine? We seem perfectly capable of birthing our own.


June 26, 2010

It has been a truly weird week for celebrity culture:

1. Mel Gibson and the woman he left his wife and the mother of his seven children for, Oksana Grigorieva, have filed restraining orders against each other. Now who would have thought a romance between these two darling people would end so badly?

2. A "bachelor" named Jake Pavelka has split from Vienna Girardi, the woman who supposedly won his heart on the reality tv show, The Bachelor. It seems that they have not had sex for the last four months, the lack of such sexual contact being explained by Jake by either (1) he is religious or (2) Vienna is difficult. Somehow, with what I know about men, this does not pass the smell test. It is possible that Jake is actually one of what the Victorians used to call "The Bachelors."

3. Some masseuse has suddenly recalled that Al Gore asked her to grope him back in 2006. And she is willing to confide all the juicy details to the National Enquirer for $1,000,000. Looking at Al Gore, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt (she told the police that Gore was a "crazed sex poodle") and also a piece of advice: From now on pretend you are a male doctor and have someone else in the room with you when you are alone with a female or, for that matter, a male masseuse (Ted Haggard anyone?). You have the words "big paycheck" tattooed on your forehead. And with pun intended, some masseuses may be looking for a really big tip.


June 22, 2010

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony
Puerto Rican Day Parade
June 13, 2010
Photo Credit Angelo Rivera

The Beat Goes On: Jennifer Lopez was a guest of honor at the Puerto Rican Day Parade. And while "guesting of honor," she wore a white strapless dress and a BLACK BRA.

Inquiring minds want to know:

1. If this was a faux pas? Answer, probably not. Lopez spends way too much on stylists to have not known that the black bra would show.

2. If Lopez was attempting to show her Jenny-From-the-Block side in solidarity with her Puerto Rican brothers and sisters? Hopefully not or they may have to rise up and bitch slap her.

3. If Lopez was trying to create a new style sensation a la Madonna and Lady Gaga? Hmm. As Goldilocks said, "This one looks just right." Let's check out Marc Jacobs for Spring 2010 to see if it took.


June 18, 2010

Miley Cyrus
Late Show with David Letterman
June 17, 2010
Photo Credit: Janet Mayer / PR Photos

The Beat Goes On: The latest mishegas out of LaLa Land is the scandal about how that perennial eight-grade girl Perez Hilton tweeted a upskirt photo of Miley Cyrus who was supposedly going commando. There is a lot of carrying on in the press about whether Perez will be prosecuted for child porn even if the photo was photoshopped to appear pantiless.

Well how about this idea: It should be illegal for anyone to stick a camera up a woman's dress (minor or not) the same way it is illegal to put a camera in a woman's bathroom. So what if they are in public. If someone is getting out of a car, lowering a camera and shooting up a skirt is utterly disgusting and should involve some jail time. So there.

Just where are those Iranian morality police with their long thin whacking sticks when we could actually use them?


June 13, 2010

Dear Miss Wendy,

Why do people love New York and how can you stand to live there?


Okie from Muskogee

Dear Okie,

The world is divided into two classes of people (among myriad other classifications - tall/short, rich/poor), those who love New York and those who don't. And people instinctively know to which group they naturally belong. Babies are born in the hinterlands, open their eyes and take a quick look outside their cribs and are utterly horrified to find that they are not in New York. These misplaced babies (who tend to cry more than other babies), spend their next few decades plotting their relocation to Oz.

Transplanted New Yorkers tell similar tells of how they saw or read about New York and knew immediately that this is where they wanted to live (Breakfast at Tiffany's anyone?). I saw the city for the first time when I was fourteen years old and I was instantly smitten. I even loved the smell of the place.

In New York, you never know what you are going to see next. You turn a corner and there is always some kind of surprise: new shops; new restaurants; someone dressed in a new and fascinating way. Thia noise and confusion turns New Yorkers on.

But this very same noise and confusion has the exact opposite effect on non-New York lovers. They prefer calm and predictability, something they could never have in this city. They would prefer to think one thought at a time, without being distracted with thoughts such as, "Was that purple hair I just saw?" Or, "Just why are those angry-looking people picketing the Bulgarian consulate?"

It is impossible to talk people who don't love New York into loving it. It would be easier to talk the coke machine into taking a certified check. So there.


June 7, 2010

Christina Aguilera
2010 MTV Movie Awards - Arrivals
Gibson Amphitheatre / Universal City, CA
June 6, 2010
Photo Credit: Bob Charlotte / PR Photos

Here is a You Got It Going Girl awards to Miss Christina Aguilera. Miss Aguilera picked the perfect Versace dress for the MTV Movie Awards. Her dress epitomized old Hollowed glamour but with the heavy chain belt, she was rockin ready. Kudos to the Versace design team.


June 6, 2010

Ruminations: There is a very sad article in the Daily News about how a school in Prescott, Arizona has asked an artist to "lighten up" the face of a Mexican student in the school mural because motorist were yelling racial slurs at the mural -

According to the article, the artists reported that while they were painting the mural, they heard comments such as: "You're desecrating our school," "Get the ni---- off the wall," "Get the sp-- off the wall," were common, Wall said. "The pressure stayed up consistently," Wall said. "We had two months of cars shouting at us."

This is sad on so many levels: people in Arizona yelling racial slurs at a mural on the wall of an elementary school; the school believing the proper response to this blatant racism was to lighten the faces on the mural; and the Governor of Arizona still continuing to assert that the new Arizona immigration law will not be enforce by using racial profiling.

The Secretary General of the United Nations, Ban Ki-moon, when speaking at a United Nations reception for artist Ross Bleckener's project to help children who have been victimized by human trafficking, said that one of the solutions was to "name and shame."

The concept of "name and shame" was and is an excellent idea and should be implemented here. Shame on you Prescott, Arizona. A picture of worth a thousand words and the picture of artists lightening the face of a Mexican child to make a mural more acceptable to the citizenry of Arizona is excruciatingly shameful.


June 3, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Jon Gosselin has a new twenty-three year old girlfriend, Ellen Ross, who is telling friends she is not in it for the fame (the chance to be photographed for Radaronline etc. etc.), but truly likes thirty-three year old men with eight children under the age of ten.

And Tiger Wood's ex-mistress/nemesis Joslyn James truly had her feelings and needs to hold press conferences to tell us about how badly she was hurt by Wood's caddish behavior. And Lindsay Lohan's father truly has her best interest at heart when he tells all to the tabloids.

Back in Texas, we had a saying: "Raise your feet, pardner, the sh*t is flowing down the trough."

May 29, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Deputy LA Prosecutor Danette Meyers has announced to Radaronline that as soon as she finishes her present death penalty case, she will focus "all her energy" on investigating whether Lindsay Lohan violated her probabation in her DUI case (a misdemeanor). Someone at the LA district attorney's office needs to reign this publicity pandering lawyer in and tell her that it is unseemly for a assistant district attorney to attempt to raise her own profile by talking to the tabloids about a celebrity defendant. Whatever happened to no comment?


May 26, 2010

Ruminations on the BP Oil Spill: So here we are, over a month later, and the oil is still gushing into the Gulf of Mexico at a horrifying rate estimated to be 210,000 barrels a day and some experts say that number is way too low.

BP still has not been able to stop the gusher and we don't know know when they will be able to stop the flow; they are trying to stop up a hole that is 5,000 deep in the ocean.

This brings up the question: Just what were they doing drilling 5,000 feet into the ocean in the first place? I know, I know. We have cars and houses that need heating and air conditioning and office buildings that need to be lit, heated and air conditioned. And we have huge trucks moving this to that and airlines flying over our heads delivering us to here and there and back again.

It is time to say Halt and rework our lives so we can live without putting up with all that craziness in the Middle East and/or digging holes out in the middle of the Atlantic and creating the worst man-made disaster in history.

We need to become smaller:

1. Smaller houses and apartments that are tricked out like yachts - built up the walls and super clever. Quit buying houses to fit your furniture. Buy furniture to fit a small chic home. Utilize wall units everywhere, eliminating the need for a lot of free standing furniture which can use up a entire wall without using up the entire wall.

a. New homes should be built with cross ventilation and high hip roofs so they can be cooled with ceiling fans for a few months every years. And yes, that does mean we will need those old iron security grills or alarm systems.

b. Get rid of yards. Yards require huge amounts of water, fertilizer and pest killers which pollute the ground water. They also require energy to mow. Have small decorative yards with lots of ground cover that can survive with relatively little water and use the back yards to grow vegetables. Hey, the dirt needs to start pulling its weight.

c. Bring back clothes lines. No, not for all the laundry, but there is nothing like sheets dried in the sun and it is free.

d. Put high efficiency window AC units in bedrooms and turn off the central air conditioning at night during the summer. Ditto for high efficiency portable heaters in the winter.

e. Use water coolers in dry climates. They are surpringly cool and cheap to run.

2. Smaller cars. A lot of people would be happy to drive those little bitty cars if they were not worried about being run over by a SUV. So get the SUV's off the roads by taxing the hell out of them and create inner city/town small car zones which do not allow any cars over a certain weight and mandate that delivery trucks only deliver from midnight to five in the morning.

3. Reorganizing our cities so people can live close to work.

a. Fix the public school system so all school are good and people with children are not forced to move to Timbuktu so their children can attend a decent school. Besides, we need to fix the schools anyway if becuase we need a highly educated populace if we are ever going to solve our problems.

b. Building sidewalks and bike paths in our newly reorganized cities. Put bikes racks everywhere and keep the bikes off the sidewalks and streets for God's sake.

c. Big companies need to set up satellite offices that are close to where their employees live. Walking distance would be good.

4. Rework all office buildings so the windows can open. Businesses run air conditioning when the outside temperature is in the 60's because they have to.

5. Put solar panels and wind mills everywhere and if someone can make wind mills look nicer, please do that too.

6. Eat produce that is grown locally, eliminating the need to transport it thousands of miles.

7. When you fly, take less, saving your back and reducing the amount of fuel the airline will need to use. They make these really nice rolling bags that fit under the seat in front of you. You won't hurt your back lifting the bag above your head and the airplane will be lighter.

8. Eliminate as much plastic packaging and bottles as possible. Those aluminum water bottles are a good start, but someone needs to figure out how to get rid of a lot more. I am one person and every three of four days, I have a huge garbage sack full of recycling. Ditto to eliminating all those catalogues that come in the mail.

9. Think. When you buy something, think about what it will cost the world for you to own it. Will your new clothes have to be dry cleaned? Will your snow mobile hurt the tundra and use gas? Think - if I buy/use this item, will my grand children have to do without something they really need (like a planet) because I used more than my fair share of the world's resources?

10. And last but not least, would someone please design a pair of dressy sexy women's shoes that a woman can wear and walk a quarter mile in comfort. Do it. You will be a millionaire.

May 20, 2010

Ruminations: Miss Lindsey Lohan has missed a court date (she was supposed to be in court in Los Angeles on Thursday morning for a hearing about her probation for DUI) because she could not get back from Cannes. Lohan has given the excuse that someone stole her passport so she could not come home. This excuse does not pass the smell test. Lohan had gone to Cannes to promote her new film, one in which she plays Linda Lovelace of Deep Throat fame. But she left for Cannes last weekend knowing full well that the Iceland volcano was still disrupting flights and that the judge was already "on her case" because she had not complied with the terms of her probation by attending alchohol education classes in a timely manner.

It is easy to feel sorry for Lohan because her father is such a media chasing ass, but leaving for Cannes in the first place was the height of poor judgment. She may have thought she was promoting her career, but by even being in Cannes under these circumstances, she looks like a fool who does not think the rules of the world apply to her and that is not good publicity.

Lohan is a lady who would do well to read her own press.

Would you leave for Europe for the weekend if you knew that if you were not back in LA by Wednesday to cram in some more alcohol education classes before your Thursday court date, you might very well be thrown in jail? In JAIL, I say? You would really have to be inebriated to not be utterly horrified by that idea.

So now she has to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet and submit to random drug tests. It is so easy to see where this story will end. Lohan is one lady who should have done everything humanly possible to avoid wearing that bracelet and taking those tests, tests she is bound to fail.

She may never again by a movie star but her life is certainly fodder for a screen play.


May 17, 2010

Rima Fakih
PR Photos

The Beat Goes On: Rima Fakih, a beautiful Arab American woman from Detroit, has won the Miss USA contest. And now the scandal mongerers are trying to get everyone riled up because she won a pole dancing contest that was hosted by a radio station.

Excuse, me. They teach pole dancing at my gym. Just who is around these days who is so sheltered they would be scandalized by that story. The girl was clothed, she is Miss USA not Miss America, and besides she won the pole dancing contest just like she won the title of Miss USA.

Ho Hum! Ho Hum! Ho Hum!


May 15, 2010

Ruminations: Would people please quit talking about Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan's sexuality ( It is bad enough that every young Hollywood star (Heidi Montag and Lauren Conrad?) and not so young but still cute (Chelsea Lately) has a sex tape, do we really need the visual in our minds of any Supreme Court candidate or justice having sex? Men and women who are busy saving the world (and are over 50) do not have the time to be plastic surgery junkies and gym rats, so they are totally ineligible to star in the "movies in our mind." So cut it out already.


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May 11, 2010

Ruminations: Would someone please revive the The Surreal Life and cast Michael Lohan so he can have something to do with his time other than bash his daughter? Here are my suggestions for a superb cast to create the perfect setting for Lohan: his frenemy Jon Gosselin; Jesse James's mistress Michelle McGee; Tiger Wood's nemesis Joslyn James; conservative mouthpieces Ann Coulter and Glen Beck (to create the necessary conflict); and media-chasing lawyer Gloria Allred (to file the lawsuits created by the conflict). They will all be busy filming and running around town with new reality friends like Snookie, JWOW and their twins-separated-at-birth, The Real Housewives of New Jersey,giving us all a quick break from their constant braying.

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May 5, 2010

The Beat Goes On: Gloria Allred, who used to be a feminist lawyer, has turned into a hoochie-mamma-carrying-ambulance-chaser. Allred has recently sat at the side of porn-star and alleged Tiger Woods mistress Joslyn James why Miss James boohooed about how her feelings were hurt when Tiger treated her like she was a porn star and did not apologize for "leading her on." ( Allred is also incensed that the Charlotte, North Carolina Ritz Carlton Hotel cancelled Miss James hotel reservation when they realized that she would be staying in their hotel at the same time as Tiger Woods who was playing in the Quail Hollow Championship. (New York Daily News). Could the Ritz also be treating Miss James like a porn star?

And now Allred is helping an alleged mistress of David Boreanaz settle"her claims." According to Eonline Allred called Boreanaz's attorney to discuss " the possible resolution of my client's legal claims against Mr. Boreanaz by mediation."

What claims? Unless there is a child involved, there are no claims to be had. Boreanaz is a public figure so unless this mistress is both deaf and dumb (well, she probably is dumb), she knew he was married.

Hey ladies, your fifteen minutes are over so would you please fish your panties and bras out of the punch bowl and go home?



May 1, 2010

The Beat Goes On: In an effort to stem the swell of criticism that has been justly thrown at the state, Arizona has passed an amendment to their new immigration law (New York Times): "The changes include one strengthening restrictions against using race or ethnicity as the basis for questioning by the police and inserting those same restrictions in other parts of the law. Another change states that questions of immigration status would follow a law enforcement officer’s stopping, detaining or arresting a person while enforcing another law. The earlier law had referred to a “contact” with police. [But] Another change specifies that possible violations of local civil ordinances can trigger questioning on immigration status."

So they gave with one hand and took away with another. Now law enforcement have to have suspicion that a crime has been committed before they can question someone about their immigration status, but that crime can be an overflowing garbage can. So from now on, Arizona residents of Mexican descent not only have to fear being harassed for looking Mexican if they are stopped the the policie for a burned out tail light, they must also be sure their homes don't look "illegal."

The Beat Goes On: Here is a fun bit from seems that Oscar-nominated actress Gabourey Sidibe's mom (Alice Tan Ridley) sings in the New York City subways and she has just auditioned for America’s Got Talent. What a great story!

P. S. If you live or visit New York, check out the subway performers. They are incredible - not the illegal ones who perform in the cars (although sometimes they can be quite good), but the licensed ones who perform on the platforms. Check it out.

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